Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Overly Sensitive/Fearful?

Has anyone else experienced their child becoming overly fearful, anxious and angry - maybe not being good at asking for what they want during these "episodes". DS6 is still displaying these traits - though primarily when he is with his tutor/babysitter who takes him out once a week to places like the library. I'm thinking its probably a mixture of sensitivies/transition/change/ he is not with us - but she's mentioned some of her other students with similar issues - needed counseling to have the tools to get over this. One had an extreme fear of bees, one had Asperger's. So far, our counselor said DS6 was too young for indivdual counseling. Just wondered if any of you who have also read that book about the asychnronous child and that other book - about sensitivies - came across this?

We had that with DS7 starting when he was about 2 1/2. It was a bad year for him (gained 3 ounces in the year, refused to go outside for fear an animal would bite him). He's a very anxious youngster, and we still have to watch out for the triggers. The beginning of the school year is one, so our house is SOOO fun right now!

I read the Asynchronous Child when DS was 4 or 5 -- very applicable to him. At 5, we spoke with a psychologist who observed DS anonymously in class and he pretty much wanted to go straight for meds. I wasn't on board with that for one so young, and we still try to find ways to help DS deal with his anxieties by talking them out.

One thing the psych said that I found valuable:
Excitement and anxiety are two sides of the same emotion. The mind responds to both the same way. So, it's not surprising when DS has the same issues (fear or acting out) both when excited and nervous. Not sure if you see this with your child, but for us it's something to be mindful of, so that we try to be supportive enough during those times.

DS and I have frequent conversations about how sometimes our minds (I am similarly anxious) mistakenly over-react to things, and how we need to be aware of that, and try to teach ourselves to question our reactions and see what really makes sense.

In times of "high stress", DS has almost no control over his emotions if he's tired or hungry. For example, we don't allow DS to play chess before breakfast or dinner, because he can't see it as a game when he's hungry. So, if his little brother (DS5) makes an illegal move or loses interest, DS7 goes completely bonkers. Our present approach is to continue to enforce our rules regardless of DS's level of anxiety, and to try not to let our frustration/anger show as we enforce them. During his anxious times, we also try to limit other triggers, but life can easily get in the way of that.

I wish you luck with your DS6. He's lucky to have a Mom who's observant and concerned.

My head hurts from shaking it so much (in agreement) after reading this... DS5.5 has this same issue. If he's hungry or tired, he goes crazy if one of us messes up his "flow", as we like to call it.

DS has never been at the level of being fearful of going outside due to him thinking an animal would bite him, but his anxiety over his already formed fear of failing or not being good enough goes over the top (my perfectionist) has always had me on alert.

It took me a long time not to react as "that's just silly", and really sit with him and talk about it.

I think the hardest part is that as DS7 gets older, there's more of an expectation that he should be able to control himself. It's harder to look past the misbehavior and see it as a by-product of his anxiety that we have to help him work through. It's hard for others (e.g., grandparents) to understand as well.

We make progress, but it's usually measured in millimeters and not miles, if you know what I mean. Hang in there.

Yeah - I feel the same way - that now that DS6 is nearly 7 - will be in a few months - its getting harder and harder to have people be "understanding" about the meltdowns - esp. when they get as bad as this past weekend which I wrote about in my other post today. I think the perfectionist thing has a lot to do with the anxiety someimes. But do you ever find them getting anxious over tasks you know they can do perfectly well - like getting dressed - just because maybe there's been a change in their routine?

I think it depends on how you define "getting anxious over tasks you know they can do perfectly well." You use the example of getting dressed. DS definitely doesn't get anxious over whether he can dress, but during high-anxiety periods he frequently looks like he's having a panic attack while he's getting dressed because he's concerned if he doesn't dress fast enough he might miss the bus, even though we have 10 or 15 minutes before we are leaving the house.

BTW, DS is definitely a perfectionist -- of the variety that would rather not attempt something if he isn't sure he'll excel at it. For example, when we had him tested this summer, the psychologist noted that DS would say, "That's too hard. I can't do it." But when told to just try and do his best, he was able to do that problem and several more difficult ones that followed.

DS can tolerate some change to routine, but it depends on what the change is, how anxious he is about life in general at that time, and how strong his vision of what's "supposed to happen" is.

IronMom - DS5.5 will have an almost panic attack if there's something out of sort with routine, for something as simple as getting dressed. It doesn't happen as often as it used to, but I also don't pick those battles when the only reason I am is because he should be doing it on his own. In other words, if he wants help, and I have time, I'll help him, even though we both know he doesn't need help. Sometimes I think he just likes having the attention too.

That's odd that she said he is too young. My DS6 has had individual counseling for anxiety regarding his egg allergy. His counselor is an MFT and she specializes in kids.

My DS8 was diagnosed with Aspeger's for exactly these symptoms. He has tantrums if he gets anxious or frustrated, tends to have sensory overload issues, and cannot verbalize how he's feeling when he's angry. I too refuse meds, but there is a lot of help from OTs and specialed teachers that benefit him.