Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Earliest memories of your DCs

DD, now 11, had good recall of early events (around age one) when she was about 7 or 8, but she does not have recall of those events now. She remembers remembering them, but doesn't recall if they were true memories or made up. This is in line with normal development and "childhood amnesia."

What impressed me was not the timing of the memories, but their depth and detail (she described learning to read -- or rather beginning to understand the words in the book I was reading to her -- just around the time of her first birthday and she included lots of detail about the birthday itself including the color of the cake and decorations, gifts she'd received, people who were there, etc.). We don't have any photos around (they are all in a giant box marked "organize someday" in the garage -- I know, we are horrible).

She's indifferent to this now, but I find it very poignant that we lose most of these early experiences as we age.

Her first memory at this point is when she was somewhere around three or four and the power went out while she was having a bath. Very scary for her at the time.

Our DD was about 11 months old when she visited a relative's house out of state. Her next visit was at least two years later. She stared at a corner of the house, frowning, before finally asking, "Where's the tree?" This created a lot of confusion among everyone until they finally recalled that DD's previous visit had been in December. And sure enough, the corner DD indicated was where they had the Christmas tree.

I don't think she remembers the house anymore.

When DS7 was 18 months or so, we had a book of opposites we read him once in a while. Drawings of a duck and a goose showing up/down, fast/slow, heavy/light, etc. We stopped reading it to him because it seemed to upset him. It went into the "to be donated pile - which we only rarely get around to actually donating.

About a month ago we were sorting the pile, and came across that book. He started paging through it, reading it to me. Then he got to the drawings of "happy/sad" and said, "I never did like that page."

The research about narrative memory, from what I recall, suggests that we re-write our memories through the process of recall, with these early autobiographical memories forming their own stable storyline around the end of latency age (so 10-ish). Younger children appear to recall with less discrimination, whereas older children have formed go-to memories that mark moments in their early childhood.

In general, research on memory in young children is fraught with challenges. A discussion which, in my mind, always leads to the ritual-satanic-child-abuse-in-daycare cases in the 80s. (In case anyone is wondering, pretty much universally found to be products of very poor interviewing technique--and worse--in well-meaning child safety advocates.)

I have no idea what my DS15 youngest memory is but it's not very young. I've tried talking to him about the preschool/daycare he attended and he has very little recall of it. To my surprise he doesn't recall a lot from 6th grade. My husband remembers very little from his youth (before 12 or 13) and I'm wondering if my DS is like this as well. I am sure if one could prove it somehow, that my husband retains a lot of what he learned at that age. Just not things he experienced. In my case i can remember certain moments vividly from the time I was 3, and I from around 5th grade on I remember a lot including details such as how classes were picked, why I took a certain extra-circular, those kids who teased me.

Well, what was it?

I'm stuck with vivid memories of me inflicting physical harm on myself.

Such as "let's climb on top of a wooden rocking chair to get that board game!" (I still have a cute little scar on my forehead to prove that one.)

And "Hey, I'm going to play with that motorcycle that my cousin just got off of and see what happens!". (I definitely recall that this was merely a severe deep second degree burn, since I did not have charred skin, although I had skin discoloration in that area for years and years. And I still cannot figure out how I managed to burn that particular part of my leg on the engine.)

My DD has many interesting tales to tell about her birth and pre-birth experiences. She said that she didn't kick me but she was trying to swim. She also has said that she knew it was time to come out when she felt the temperature was too high for her to be comfortable. I'm sure this is all a product of her imagination but nonetheless, I think they are rather informative.

Her true memories used to go back to 14 months when she was 3. She used to remember her old classmates' names and their parents' names that I have long forgotten but I don't think she remembers much anymore. Well, these days, it seems like she "forgets" everything so she doesn't have to tell me anything.

Interesting discussion. I'm quite confident that DS expressed a true memory because, along Howler Karma's line of reasoning:

A) We have no photos or videos of the play.
B) Because it was such an unexceptional activity, we hadn't talked about it previously. Also, we had packed the toy away in storage around 6 months.
C) DS volunteered a description of feelings of frustration and of feeling trapped in his body, something he has never expressed before, so he had attached an autobiographical narrative to the memory.
D) My father and I have similar early memories around feelings of frustration with a clear visual and emotional memory of the events; my dad at 3-4 months and me at 18 months. As an adult, I'm able to recall that incident in vivid detail.

The basis of our understanding of the brain is in its infancy. I am open to the idea that neurologists don't have a watertight grasp of the full range of the brain's capabilities, though I acknowledge that there are inherent challenges in teasing out true memory from post-hoc imagination in young children.

A selection of my earliest memories:

"Hey, there's Lulus's crunchy dog food. She loves this stuff. She's a great dog, and she wouldn't eat anything icky, so it must be tasty. Think I'll try it. [pause] !!! This is disgusting! How can Lulu eat this stuff?"

(While seated in high chair) "I'm too close to the table. Think I'll just extend my feet and push myself backwards." This was back in the days when high chairs were tall and slender. The results were predictable.

"I love my pink overalls."

"I love spaghetti-os."

Val, along the lines of your dog food eating, I remember a shopping trip with my mum when I was a toddler. I ducked into a clothing rack to surprise her and found the back fastener of an anti-theft dye device on the floor. It was round, bright blue, and about half an inch in diameter, so naturally a Smartie. It flew out of my mouth as quickly as it went in.