Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy what's another way to say you must obey?

I would prefer that people understand the reason not to speed is less about avoiding a ticket and more about the safety of themselves, other drivers and pedestrians.

If people are finding there is a lot of in the moment nit picky debate over minutia to me that is less a call for an obedience and more a call for the need to do some serious family planning together. Family meetings can be a great way for family members to learn to make decisions in an organized way together. If kids help make the decisions they are far more likely to understand them and be invested in the outcome than if it seems like a series of random nonsense is being imposed on them.

What do you feel is accomplished by this approach? How old are your kid(s)?

We do discuss the meal plan, as a family, before I go to the grocery store. They do get to help decide the menu and I don't serve them food that I know they don't like.
Not really trying to accomplish anything. That is how we were brought up. Our families are southern, blue collar, low-middle class.
The men work hard to buy the food, the women work hard to cook the food, don't wear your hat at the table, and don't let Grandaddy see you throwing food out.

My DH was raised that way, and I fully believe that it is one of the main reasons he has always had an unhealthy relationship with food. In our house, we rely on our bodies to tell us what to eat and when and how much. We provide numerous healthy options, and try not to waste food, but otherwise we just eat what we want

Gotcha. To me this kind of thing made a lot more sense when food was scarcer and we saw less prevalent problems with problems like obesity and diabetes. Now I think it makes more sense to work with kids to learn to listen to their bodies and not force food when they aren't hungry. Obviously, that isn't say "aw sweetie you want ice cream sundaes for every meal".

Just an idea or two here--not intended as criticism of anyone at all, but merely as food for thought(so to speak!):

From the time they were born, I was really determined never to have battles with my kids around food, because my own childhood had been very painful in this regard. I realise our solutions (works in progress, like all parenting!) won't work for everyone, because of where we live, and the luxury of time that I enjoy, but what we do is grow an awful lot of our own food (fruit, vegetables, eggs), we freeze, can and preserve it, we make everything (baked goods, sauces, etc.) from scratch, and we buy all of our meat from our neighbours--my children never waste meat, I am convinced because we eat whole animals (not all at once!)--they see a part of Mr. Walter's pig, not just a pork chop, if you see what I mean. (My boys have also spent a lot of time listening to First Nations stories, in which honouring the life that was sacrificed that you might be nourished plays a significant part.) They also help me do a lot of the cooking, during which I encourage lots of experimentation--they are better about eating when they "own" the meal, I find. We also make mealtimes an occasion, insofar as that is possible on a daily basis.

All of these things seem to help--even if most of this won't work for you, I think finding some ways in which children feel more involved in getting the food to the table helps them more fully realise the communal nature of a meal, and to want to share in it.

I realise I've wandered far from the original premise of the thread--forgive me!

peace
minnie

That's a wonderful thing you do with family meals.

I've had some reluctants in the cooking help in recent years so I started making smoothies on the weekends. This has been a hit. I let them decide on the ingredients. It's wimple & fun!! It's not a lot of envolvement but it's keeping the connection to cooking going in the kitchen.

There is one hard and fast food rule at our house, no exceptions. If it was made for a meal you have to take one bite even if you have tried it before. You don't have to eat any more, but you have to try it and you have to be polite about it. I have two under 5 who eat sushi because of this. You never know if you like it or not unless you try it and you never know when your tastes will change, hence the one taste each time.

Also food portions are small. You can always ask for more. It helps cut down on food waste...

We eventually went to that too. We started with just having a selection and letting the kids choose what they want. Possibly if we'd had total control over early diet, this would have worked. However, both kids were in day care (family daycare) during the school year, and they had the opportunity to develop a taste for processed foods (which I would have chosen to delay until later). When it became clear that they were going to choose carbs only unless we interfered, we went to the one bite per year of age rule. Disaster. Every dinner was a miserable argument with one or both children. Finally we went to the politeness bite--with a twist. Small servings of everything prepared, a politeness bite of each offering, and if they opted not to go past the politeness bite, they had to choose a substitute from the same food group before having seconds on anything else. It has worked really well for us. True, for quite a while the kids ate a lot of peanut butter on whole wheat and a lot of raw carrots , but over time they have broadened their palettes (sp?) and--more importantly--my DD was not nourishing herself on endless servings of pasta, rice and tortillas and my DS was not on the floor flipping out about finishing his broccoli

We had a "try something three times" rule. I read that the first time, it tastes weird, second it is a little familiar, and by the third, you have developed a taste for it.

My daughter is 12 and loves every vegetable and all types of food. She loves Indian, Ethiopian, you name it.

Usually on her second try, she would put it down and say "free times Mommy!", but she always ended up loving it.