Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Just Need some Support

Part of what I'm questioning is if this is really a unique problem to the gifted world. Most of us wouldn't flash the big raise when a friend just got laid off. Or, brag on about how we are in the best shape of our lives when a stranger just got diagnosed with diabetes. Part of having social manners is learning to alter what you say based on the audience. I suspect that is something all parents do at some point.


That is a particularly tough situation, but I would say that as time goes on I would hope you find that you can open up to some friends. Most of my close friends IRL are not facing similar situations but we are still there for each other. Friends who have known you for a long time may get it more than you think they do even if it is not at all the problem they are facing.

Ha! You mean you don't "hot-box" your kid to make him do the stuff he does? We actually had a few parents accuse us of such a thing... pretty irritating to say the least.

I think (hope) you mean "hot house"?

Nope. Too poor for the house; could only afford the box.

Way too scared to Google!

I didn't even need to google.

Parents with children who have disabilities also refer to milestones. We were all very proud and boastful when my little brother finally wrote his name. It did not matter that most kids could do this years before him, we were just proud that he reached the goal.

I think there is a difference in being proud because your child accomplished something and being proud because he acomplished something faster than someone else.

And, a difference between accomplishments that come through lots of hard work and ones that come with just as a part of the natural process of development.

Hmmm. Yet I think that we can also appreciate and embrace the things that come naturally. We are, all of us, part nature and part nurture. We are not only what we accomplish, we are also just "us". And I guess it can be argued that since we had no hand in what we are by nature, that those parts aren't comment-worthy. But...I can't look at it that way. Whether you want to look at it as miracle, scientific wonder, or what not, we are all so different in the way that all those little genes come together. I would hate to think that the only things I celebrated about my children are the things that they work to accomplish. I celebrate and share natural milestones for the same reason that I celebrate and share birthdays--they are a way of paying attention to the way my children change and grow over time.

As my DD turned 10 this past week, I experienced a deep melancholy. It is a beautiful thing to watch her grow into an increasingly confident person, willing to try on/wear signs of individuality in public. I don't know that she has worked hard to reach that point, but it has been a definite journey. Watching her though, I am also touched by a sense of loss. She has put many milestones behind her and I simultaneously love who she is now and miss who she was then. Observing her birthday slows me down and reminds me to stop and notice this passage of time. Every milestone she has hit along the way has served the same purpose. No, they did not take some unique effort on her part, yes they were part of natural development, and yes...they were worth noticing and sharing. The fact that children have been learning to walk and talk for thousands of years is a fact about the world, not a fact about her. In her life, those milestones were unique moments that I greeted with both excitement and a bit of sadness. I greeted those milestones in my son's life with those same feelings, and with no sense of "been there, done that". His journey was just as magical to me as hers was.

There's the saying that when one door closes another opens, but when it comes to watching my children grow and change, I think I experience that in reverse. I celebrate the door that is opening, but I also take a moment to notice the one that has just closed.

Those moments are therefore emotional and precious to me. They are moments I want to share, because they are strong moments, big moments that I WANT to share. I don't care if those milestones/moments happen "relatively early", "on time" or "relatively late". Are they accomplishments? Even if almost everyone evenually does it? Well...even when our kids reached milestones early, I think they still took effort. Natural progression or not, learning to sit up, scoot, walk, talk, or read does not occur by magic--it occurs after our little one (and sometimes not so little one)becomes motivated, developed, and persistant enough to make it so!

Sigh...I keep thinking I'm done sharing what I have to share on this thread, yet here I am prattling on again Oh well. Someday maybe I'll learn the art of communicating concisely in one post--and then we can all celebrate MY milestone!

Oh my. I wonder if THC would help the little guy relax? Too funny.