Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Need to vent -- do you have a strong-willed child?

Mr W wants his way and will wail when it does not occur. I just ignore him when he is unfair and we are slowly weaning him of this behavior. He has been particularly bad when DW or I leave or the babysitter leaves.

Our big blowup was when he was 12 mos old and we were on the road going to the bookstore. He just lost and was screeching and wailing, so I pulled over and explained to him how unfair he was being and how we were going to the bookstore...etc. He has been a lot better since.

If he is being arbitrary, then we ignore him. If he explains what he wants then he gets it.

By the responses you have received I am sure you know you are not alone but I will add my comment in that I feel your pain. My DD is 2 yr. 9 mths and as a baby she absolutely would not nap but at some point with my consistency she finally got into a pattern of napping. Of course we would have some days of her out and out refusing to nap but they were short lived and back into our pattern. All of this has changed in the last few weeks. She absolutely refuses to nap and if you put her in her room she has meltdowns. I sit outside for 10 minutes just waiting for her tantrum to fall into silence as she drifts away into lala land. Yeah, that doesn't happen and finally I give in to her. So now I don't even bother and her bedtime has been moved up to accommodate this new phase.

And yes, my child is STUBBORN. She has got to be the bossiest child anyone has ever meet. She is in her true form when she gets a serious look on her face, pointing her little finger at whoever and telling them exactly how it is going to be. And this I really don't know how to squash. I really think this is personality and I look for the positive which is hey, she will not be a follower. She is clearly a leader. The funniest thing from the other day is she was having lunch with 'her girls' as she calls them. (girls from her dance class) I swear she thinks they are her posse. One of her little friends is strong willed too and we made the mistake of sitting them together at lunch. Her friend was happily singing in her seat with DD pointing her finger at her and telling her 'stop that' repeatedly. So everytime the little girl sang she was quickly hit with a comment informing her not to continue. She finally got frustrated and ran to her mom who tried to take DDs side, but I quickly responded to DD that she hurt X feelings. Her response was just as quick with "Well, she hurt my feelings with her singing."

too steamrolled by my own kids to write, but found this very comforting when I found it years ago.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050100.asp

it's my older son to a T, and the younger two have a lot of the traits as well. i felt like, ok, here's an actual dr. saying i'm not making it up - this IS harder! i'm not some lousy whiny mom - this is a different kind of kid.

Thanks for reminding me about Dr. Sears' articles. His words were a big comfort to me too when DD's were babies. They should give new mothers copies of WHAT HIGH NEED MEANS - A STORY ABOUT OUR HIGH NEED BABY.

Now that we're a few years down the road, this article rang true. It tied into the mantra that got us through the baby years... "A strong will should serve her well as an adult."

CHANGING PERSONALITY PROFILE AS HIGH NEED CHILD GROWS
THE CHANGING PERSONALITY PROFILE OF THE HIGH NEED CHILD

My newly-3 y.o. just gave up naps a couple days ago (we'll see...). Before, he was napping a couple hours in the afternoon, going to bed at 8 but not falling asleep till 9, and waking up around 6. Things were ugly - lots of tantrums. Now we have him in bed at 7:00 and he sleeps through till 6. It's too early to say whether it'll be any better, but there does come an age when it's more important to have a longer time of consolidated sleep than to keep up the nap.

Fortunately, although he can be strong willed from time to time and surely has his moments, he's been the easiest kid on the planet.

I do feel your pain though. My dd, on the other hand, is extremely strong willed. Now that she's 8 she's a lot more cooperative, I think because she's finally getting mature enough to know why I do things the way I do. It's been a long road though and I'm so afraid of the teenage years I can't even tell you... But it's all so much worse when they're overtired.

I guess my advice would be to give up on the nap and aim for a very early bedtime. It can be an ugly transition. Hang in there!!

DS5 will go even further and IF I try to give him the water, he'll go on and on about how he can't have the water even though that's what he wants because I got him out the milk first so he has to drink the milk. And don't let me drink the milk myself! ha.

He was done napping before his 1st birthday. DD3 is more of a drama queen than DS5, BUT we are able to deal with any tantrums, fits, etc MUCH easier than we were able to with DS5.

my DD5 who is HG hss been highly willful and stubborn since she was about one year old. One example, at age 4, we are about to walk on hot pavement and so I say "put on your shoes, the pavement is hot".. and since she didn't think of it herself, she says back "I like hot food and I like hot pavement" and proceeds to walk across it wincing but never admitting to the pain. I've realized that she just needs to come to conclusions herself and can't just be told anything. So we pick our battles and just hope it gets better soon. Try to use it to our advantage. Made her the "boss" of the laundry and so she's taken over that job.. and hates to relinquish control even for the parts she can't do yet (like reaching the dials to turn on dryer).. So i'm smiling at that and wondering what will happen when she'll realize that i really don't want to do the laundry..

Renie, your DD sounds a LOT like my DS. He's the same way!

My mother broke the code with my strong willed 5 year old. I was away and DD5 dropped something on the ground which Grammy asked her to pick up. Of course DD5 refused and prepared to dig in for a battle of the wills.

Instead of taking the bait, Grammy said in a stern voice "Don't you DARE pick that up!" So DD5 immediately picked it up knowing she was playing a game with Grammy. We've had numerous requests for the "Don't you DARE" game ever since and it's helped us get her to cooperate by being "uncooperative."

DS5 likes to prove me wrong when I tell him he can't possibly put his PJs on by himself or take his plate to the sink, etc... yet when I ask him to do it, he will often refuse. Any time I take a normal task and make it into a challenge, he's game!