Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Need to vent -- do you have a strong-willed child?

Oh my gosh, DD3.5 and I were at each others throats yesterday. She has been refusing naps even though she is exhausted from not taking naps and waking up at 5:30am every morning. Long story short, had one bad afternoon that involved crying from both of us. I completely snapped at one point -- something I've never done before.

DD3.5 has always been a high maintenance child, even from infancy and I've read posts with other people talking about their high maintenance children as well.

Please tell me somebody else out there has an extremely strong-willed child. DD is so stubborn and so high maintenance. When I see other kids, I start to feel like I've created a high maintenance child somehow. I don't feed into temper tantrums or anything like that. And she can really be a well-behaved child, but her stubbornness is incredible. I guess I know that there are other kids out there like this, but I need some confirmation!

Ohhhhhhhhhh, yeah. DD3 gave up naps before she was 2 because I just couldn't deal with it anymore.

She will freak out if something is even the tiniest bit off from what she wants: Mama poured the milk without letting DD hold the cup; Mama used the wrong cup or picked the cup without letting DD do it; Mama got the milk out of the fridge without letting DD do it. And those are just the milk-pouring examples.

Sometimes--and this is the worst--she will say she wants something and then freak out if you go and get it for her. She wails, "I CHANGED MY MIND. I DIDN'T WANT MILK, BUT YOU GOT ME MILK ANYWAY. I WANTED WATER, BUT YOU GOT ME MILK, NOT WATER. I DON'T WANT THAT MILK." Ugh, ugh, ugh. It is so hard to stay calm when someone is yelling at you. And if you don't stay calm it'll be far, far worse.

I'm just glad she's not hitting to express her frustration any more. I taught her a few other ways to express herself, and I have to admit that it's pretty cute to hear her say, "Blah, Mama, I am very upset."

It's so funny because when we are in public she is the sweetest, most polite child you could ever hope to meet. In fact, she is amazingly sweet most of the time around the house too. She plays by herself more than I would like, so she's not at all high maintenance in that way.

She probably loses it once on an average day, and if I stay calm it'll be over in 5-10 minutes. If she is having a bad day, though, or if I am having a bad day and not staying as calm as I should be...well, things can get pretty ugly.

I completely understand, and you're not alone. My DD 6 months is very demanding too and now, the latest developments are, she has begun to pinch and bite when she gets angry. I can't say I know what your going through with your DD3.5 but, I know what it's like to feel the way you do!


If it helps at all, my DD is high maintenance, and extremely strong willed, so our kids are born with it, we haven't created it.


Don't worry though, this too shall pass.

Earplugs work wonders in a situation like that. They're a great treatment for tantrum-induced stress.

All three of my kids are strong-willed, with #1 and #3 being the hardest to contend with. #2 has a super-sunny personality. This kind of translates into him being much more reasonable when he takes his you-can-stand-me-up-at-the-gates-of-Hell-and-I-won't-back-down stances.

Val

You are certainly not alone. I can relate and DD just turned 2. DS(almost 5) was not at all like this so it is new to me. DD has recently started screaming in the car randomly. she will say she wants to listen to certain music and then scream that she wants something else etc. It's hard because we are in the car and there is not much I can do. I have started letting her hold her stuffed animal in the car and she plays with it and if she screams I take the stuffed animal until she is quiet. This usually works well. Last week she screamed once and I said "do you want me to take your stuffed animals?" she apparently had 2 animals and her sippy cup in her hand. She said "mommy take them" and then she proceeded to drop each of them one at a time and politely say "thank you" after dropping each item. Then of course she yelled because she wanted them back. She definitely wears me out sometimes. She changes her mind constantly. She will say she wants cereal for breakfast and after we give it to her she will say "Pancakes" etc. We just stick to what she said first. We are very consistent with her and definitely don't let her run the show...but she sure is trying.

You have the female version of my DS2!!! That is a perfect snapshot of a day in my life including the older DS(almost 5 too) that was NOTHING like that.

When my little guy gets something in his head there is NO distracting him. That entire distract a toddler concept? Yah right. I've worked daycare privately and in the school system and I have never dealt with a kid like him, but obviously there are more out there. That makes me feel a little better...

YES! I have two boys and they are like apples and oranges. My oldest is intense and sensitive while my youngest is carefree and easygoing.

My oldest does not want his freedom of making up his own mind taken away from him from as long as I can remember. Giving him two choices was better than telling him what to do. He taught me never to tell him "NO" because he would try to figure out "why not?" and then decide if the consequence was "worth it" . I guess if you believe in the ideas of possibility empowering you to achieve great things... this isn't such a bad trait.

Some tricks to encourage him to mind his manners was to pretend I couldn't understand what he said when he whinned, yelled, or was rude. I would 'magically' understand when he used a nice pleasent voice and ask politely.

I've got the relatively flexible, easy going older sibling and the you-can-stand-me-up-at-the-gates-of-Hell-and-I-won't-back-down younger one. I'm nodding my head reading these posts: take the stuffed animal while driving...check, refusing naps until I gave up...check, wants to decide if the consequence is worth it...check.

I came across this article on napping and thought about how much later my oldest gave up her nap than the youngest.

http://esciencenews.com/articles/20...ing.hyperactivity.depression.and.anxiety

P.S. I found three years old seemed to be the hardest age with the most tantrums. Coincidentally (or not?) this was the same age she gave up napping. The fits tapered off at 4 and now that she's 5, there's been a marked decrease in the explosions. She's still strong willed but better able to keep her self control.

Oh I'm so sorry! How awful. I can totally understand that, though.

DD 2.5 is very strong willed and has stopped napping. My mother said I stopped napping by age 3, but I'm not high strung (as the sleep article suggests). However, my mother said she continued to put me in my room for nap time because she needed the break.

Thanks for the posts. At least I know I'm not alone with a child like this. What frustrates me the most is that DD3.5 NEEDS the sleep badly but refuses to do it because she has turned nap time into a game. Well, today I tried one more to get her to stay in her room for a nap or even just a quiet rest, but again ended in tears from the both of us. And it wakes up DD1 sleeping next door, so that's no good. Now I'm hoping by making some slight bedtime arrangements, we can get her to sleep in a little bit more and just have "quiet time" instead of nap time. She is just SO STUBBORN!! Ugh!

I can relate to the posts about your kids screaming about not getting to help with the milk or wanting different music. DD3.5 gets easily bent out of shape when it comes to wanting to help make dinner or get her snack and I've already done it... or sometimes I just don't feel like having her "help" me clean the bathrooms because it involves her with a spray bottle full of water which she sprays compulsively until the entire surface of the floor is a puddle. We cleaned the windows the other day and my house had wet spots all over the place!!

I desperately hope DD1 does not turn out to be as hard-headed, although she is already showing many characteristics of her own stubbornness. I definitely was not blessed with the laid-back children I see out and about or that belong to our friends. Both of my DD's are like wind-up toys that never quit. That makes for one tired mom and dad.