Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Do you ever lie about your DD/DS's age?

I'm hesitant to give DS's age when asked ever since we were at a park and he spelled "that" because I asked him to see if he could. A lady looked at him shocked saying that her 6-7 (?) yr old had spent all week learning that work for a spelling test. Then she asked how old he was. 3 was obviously not the answer she was expecting.

We're homeschooling K right now and I try to respond with grade level instead of age whenever possible. We still get looks, but they are less dramatic. There is a difference between a 4 yr old reading well and a Kindergartener reading well for most people.

This is a big issue for me. At home DS is normal. All of our friends know him and treat him with respect and acceptance. I am fighting tooth and nail to keep him thinking that it is ok and, heaven forbid, normal to be smart. The longer it is before he realizes that our normal might be a bit different from everyone else's normal the better in my opinion.

I don't lie about ages, but I have stopped asking about most other kids I see - in the last 6 months before dd's last birthday it was getting a little uncomfortable.

I met a lady through ballet who's daughter was extra nice to our dd, so I asked, I was delighted to find out she was an older 3! She was calling out some letters from a sign and I just had to ask
The mom looked a bit skittish at first but after she saw I wasn't mad at her for having a smart kid, she was really full of fun stories.

Chris-

Isn't that sad. The woman was worried that you'd treat her poorly for having a bright kid. sigh... It's just a pity that this is so typical.

But great that you found a potential friend!

My son was like that when he was younger, but he was able to see that there are some times when lying might be necessary and a matter of survival, like when his dad was 13 and had to lie about his age so he could get a job so he could have enough to eat.

We sometimes use his mental age instead of his actual age.

Jesse,

You're right ... it isn't our job to make the rest of the world feel comfortable with our children and I wish I could keep that in the back of my head but when the questions and shocked looks are in front of me I can't help but coil a little. Maybe some of us (meaning me) are just not strong enough to say it to their face. I wish I could.

And for why they are uncomfortable... I really think it has more to do with competition than anything else. These are the parents that want to believe their child is the smartest/best and when they come across a gifted one it is a hard pill to swallow. Tis probably why I don't argue it and change the subject. I am not looking to rub salt in the wound.

I realize this is an older thread, but I hope I can chime in anyway.

I agree with Jesse that anyone who has a problem with it is, well, the one with the problem.

I do think I have a somewhat unusual situation, though, in that my kid is not biologically mine - so when I accept compliments on how smart/charming/funny/whatever he is, it doesn't feel like bragging at all (like I'm taking credit for his genetics or something). Usually I say, "for someone who never wanted a kid, I sure am lucky to be involved with him!" Most people are okay with that.

Do you think there are soccer forums where parents fret about what to say when someone compliments their kid's abilities? Why is it that physical prowess of any kind is understood and accepted but mental prowess is not?

I wonder what would happen if we stopped feeling sheepish and apologetic about it and started delivering the facts as they are. Would people, over time, realize that there are quite a few kids like this, and eventually they would no longer find it so threatening? Could mental prowess eventually become as respectable as physical prowess?

I'm afraid I'm being unrealistic but how will public perception ever change if we don't change it? If even we are afraid to utter the word "gifted" in everyday circumtances, how can we expect others to embrace it?

I say trumpet it from the rooftops! Yes, my kid is 8 and hilariously punny! Yes, at age 6 the concept of division dawned on him in the meat section of the supermarket! Yes, he's my kid, he's gifted, and he's fabulous!

Oh, gee, I'm sorry to hear that. What a drag, to have those other parents squelch your enjoyment like that! I don't know why people can't just be nice, and be supportive of each other. I hope your daughter didn't hear any of it. She deserves to be proud of her drive!

How ridiculous! I gotta wonder what they think you are doing? Oh, yeah, we get her up at 5:30 every morning before school, she eats the Phelps Breakfast , and does 20 laps each morning before 7am. We don't even let her watch cartoons on Saturday morning!

Don't they have kids of their own? Have they ever tried to get a kid to do something (more than once) that they really don't want to do?

Good for her! Sorry to hear the sour-grapes comments.

ROFL, Chris!

LOL, I think it's really funny when people think we do things to make them the way they are. I laugh to myself quite often about this when people ask "how did you teach him __________" Half the time I don't know much about _________ so not sure how I would teach him that if I tried. Already he has just turned 5 and gives me pieces of information that I never knew on an almost daily basis. I only hope that I am providing him with as much as he is providing me with. So no, we don't have any routine that would make him the way he is or cause him to start reading on his own before 2. I know that it is hard to believe that a child can just do that...but clearly it happens.

About lying about his age I am not really tempted....but I have been tempted to tell people he is going into K when they say "oh, he just turned 5 so he is starting K this year...that's exciting!" Since he is skipping K I find it awkward and often wish that I could just say "yes" when they comment that he will be going into K. But I fear that DS will come over and correct them if they tell him about Kindergarten and then it will be quite awkward.