Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Making friends with the BULLY. A good thing?

We have a bully on ds' bus, although that might be a strong term considering this kid isn't out hurting anyone physically. He hangs out with one other kid, both around 5th grade who have managed to say some pretty hurtful things to just about all the other kids who wait at the stop. Our Ds is in 3rd.

I don't leave ds down there alone, most of the other Moms and Dads stay as well. There haven't been any wildly horrible incidents, but about a week ago ds decided to ask some questions about the #1 kids' nintendo 'DS', and the game he was playing. The conversation was pretty one-sided, with #1 kid calling either pokemon or james' ds 'gay'. It seemed pretty rough to me, and I have been assuming that they would never get along (big loss!)
Anyway, turns out #2 kid has been gone a couple of days this week and #1 kid has approached our son to play games and they have traded (temporarily) the little game cards so ds could play Mario Cart and #1 kid could play Sonic something or other.
This morning #1 kid was again nice to our Ds, immediately asking him upon seeing him if he wanted to play some 'ds' (I know I've got too many 'ds' references!!)
For now I am taking this as a good thing, my sister who is in the 'hood also, pointed out that one other boy started playing with #1 kid and has recently become rather taciturn and mean...I pointed out that this other boy has a lot of problems right now (his grandma is very sick, for one thing).

Still trying to be optomistic, but I am a little fearful that if #2 kid comes back on the scene things will go badly for our Ds, or that our Ds will be influenced into being mean also, to gain popularity with this guy. Any similar stories out there? Successes? Warnings?

Our Ds starts a social skills class soon, to help navigate some of these waters, but for now we're on our own...

I would see it as a good thing too, provided, as you stated, that the former bully doesn't influence your son in a negative way. And, definitely be on the lookout for #2's return because he may feel threatened by your son's friendship with #1. Ugghhh.... it's tough huh!!!!!

That social skills class sounds really neat. We too have been facing some social issues, which have been greatly helped by the fact that I now send four extra little airheads for snack. I constantly question whether I am teaching my girl bribery, though, we do openly talk about how she should never have to "buy" someone's friendship.

I think you are right about this and so sorry to hear that you are having problems.
I think it would be good idea to start reading up on the bully policies in your county & state, so if this matter escalates you can be prepared.
You seem to be are a very proactive involved parent so I would not worry about this one to much.
Hopefully this bully will be influenced by your son!

Thanks for the article, this is hard stuff. It's something that I went through a bit myself as a child - so that makes it all them more difficult to see my child bullied, even a little.
It would be great if some epiphany occured with the bigger kid(s)...trying not to hover, but be there if ds needs me.
#2 kid will probably be back any day now. Glad it's the weekend!

When I posted about our bus-bully problem (which has completely faded, btw: the same kids are still on the bus but they ignore us now) someone recommended the book Bullies are a Pain in the Brain, which I bought and which seems good (although I didn't use it with DS, in the end, since the problem was almost gone by the time the book arrived). Good luck.

Thanks for the article. I'm going to show the coping techniques to DD11. I think she'll be more likely to try them if they don't come from mom