Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Bullies aren't always kids...

My DS had been going to the same private school since pre-K4. When he was in the 2nd grade, he started behaving differently. First, we noticed he wasn't eating good. Then, he would complain of not feeling well and didn't want to go to school. Then, at night when he was supposed to be sleeping, he would kick the sides of his bed and the wall with his foot. We thought he just didn't want to go to sleep or was playing because he wasn't tired. Once I realized there may be something going on at school, I questioned him. He wouldn't tell me anything.

Finally, after prodding my DS repeatedly to tell me what was going on, he told me that his teacher had asked the kid (the class bully) sitting behind him to poke my DS with his pencil eraser everytime my DS was not working. What do you think a bully will do with that bit of freedom? You guessed it. He not only poked my DS with the sharp end of the pencil, he proceeded to punch, kick, trip, and in a stabbing fashion hit my DS with a ruler. Realizing that the bully was getting away with it, another kid joined in. This went on for weeks! The teacher's desk was no more than 2 feet behind the desk of the bully. She denied the whole thing and said she never saw anything happen. What a load of ****! My DS is one of the sweetest little boys you will ever meet. Why would he make up such a outrageous story? I was so angry!! I wanted to go to that school and give that woman everything she caused and allowed to happen to my son.

This teacher wasn't too happy that he wouldn't "stay on task" and do his work, so she decided to punish him. Amazing! We went to the principal about it the next day (it was 11:00 pm when I found out the truth). We had a meeting with him and the teacher. She lied and got totally away with it! I immediately took both of my kids out of that school and did not pay another cent of what I owed them (over $4,000). Funny thing though, they never asked for it. Last I heard she was no longer teaching at that school.

One thing that I still think about to this day is the fact that my DS didn't tell me what was going on because the teacher is the one who told the bully to act. He didnt' know he could tell on an adult who is in charge. Please make sure your children understand that just because someone is an adult, teacher, policeman...doesn't mean they won't do wrong and you can't tell on them. Of course, my DS never hesitated to tell me after that. Now he tells on his teachers for not teaching the way he thinks they should.

Lily... what a horrible ordeal for your son. And to think a teacher would give permission to his classmates to torturer him and then lie when confronted. I hope you have a happy ending for your son. Please tell me you put him in whatever and he is thriving. I would hate to think he was scarred by the above which is definitely a possibility but really hope that is not the case. Instead, I hope to hear the experience really empowered him.

This is aggravated assault!!

You can file a criminal complaint with the Police when this occurs under Injury to a Child statutes. The PD has to investigate and the teacher and school will have to provide testimony under oath. You'd be suprised what these investigations will uncover.

Just something to keep in mind.

It was horrible. If I think on it too much, it makes me want to cry. After I removed my kids from the school, I home schooled them for a year. After that we put them into public school. He is fine now. (Well, except for the quirks of giftedness.) I think the one year break helped. Plus, that was 4 years ago. Thank you for your concern.

Lily,
It is heartbreaking when the adults that our children should be able to trust abuse that trust.
I'm glad that your son has recovered well from the situation. While in most ways, my son has come out the other side well, the scars are there in a lack of trust in teachers and coaches until they prove themselves to him.
HUGS!

This is the same phenomena that allows kids to be abused by adults and not tell. It can cause serious trust issues that last a lifetime.

Lily - I'm glad your DS came out the other side of this OK.

Lily, your story made me want to cry. We had a similar situation last year when my DS6 was being treated badly by a teacher. It started with him getting into trouble for reading during library time and not getting up when called (he was engrossed in his book and hadn't heard her). She then made fun of him sucking his thumb in front of all his classmates and told him "You are in Year X now and don't need to suck your thumb like a baby" - he sucks his thumb when he is thinking or needing comforting. It escalated when she shoved him into line after swimming lessons one day as he didn't move forward fast enough, my DS said that he was just leaving personal space between him and the boy in front of him. We removed him from the school immediately and emergency home-schooled for a few weeks and then moved area to a school that could cater for him. Like in your case the teacher disputed what DS said (although our DS would never make up a story like that, and this teacher is known for being hotheaded) and the Head was very confrontational with us - there was a total breakdown of trust and I couldn't let DS continue there.

He is now really happy and we have no problems at all. He still doesn't go to sleep well at night and isn't quite skipping into school, but we are getting there. It is amazing how much their personality can change when there are problems. Our DS became very upset about the smallest thing and stopped wanting to see friends. There has been a lot of upheaval for us but it has been worth it.

I hope that your change is also working out well for you, what a mean thing that teacher did to your DS! I totally agree with you that children need to be aware that adults are not always right/fair etc.

X Tiz

I am so sorry that this has happened to your son. What a horrible thing for such a person to be teaching! I'm relieved to know that you guys are out of that school, and the teacher is out of there, too.

By the way, I do know a teacher (in a previous school that DS went to) who did something similar though not nearly as bad: she asked a girl to poke the boy next to her when his mind started wandering...

The lesson is an important one to everyone, I think. Kids want to trust their teachers, and it's hard for many of them to realize that sometimes it's the teacher who is wrong. I have always tried to instill in my kids that adults do make mistakes, and it's OK to challenge adults. But I still sometimes see my kids getting very confused when the teacher is clearly in the wrong. This was very obvious last year when DS's teacher was so unreasonable. I think parents should really make sure that we are on top of things. Last year when DS got in trouble with the teacher, first I believed what the teacher told me, then I got suspiscious so I started going to the classroom to observe, I talked to other parents, and eventually I just knew it was the teacher's problem. That made things a lot easier for DS because he could discuss with me about how to cope.

In terms of "bullies are not always kids", well, have any of you been bullied by the parents of other kids? I've heard some very nasty comments made by parents toward gifted kids and their parents. Bullies are bullies, no age restriction.

That is so, so sad I'm so glad that you pulled him out. How is he doing now?