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Hi, I have yet another question about what to do with my resistant 6-yr-old son.

His refusal to do his school work is so frustrating and aggravating that I finally decided to give it up and pull him from school, "unschool" him for a while, and have faith that he will come back.

I have begun to make plans, joined an homeschoolers alliance here, am piecing together a schedule, etc.

I just don't want to send him back to school after the break. It's too exhausting. The anxiety is beginning to get to me.

But just to show how far apart my dh and I are on this issue-- today he said to me, fine, you can pull him out of school for the rest of the year, but I think he should repeat first grade next year.

He seems very fixated on the fact that my son is "getting away with something." Also that ds is controlling the situation and not us. And he's concerned about my emotional state as well.

I just feel I'm being pulled in so many directions...

This one is right up my alley!

Up until DS6 was accepted in DYS, my DP was convinced that I was just trying to manufacture him into something he wasn't. She fought me every step of the way. She thought he was a cute, bright little boy and I should just leave him alone.

Whether of not my son is a "genetic wonder" or a "freak of nature" he is absolutely NOT a normal little boy. The problem was that she didn't have anything to compare to. Writing at 1, reading at 2, she had no way to determine the "norm". She was so afraid he would be turned into some sort of sociopath, it was amazing. She was completely unreasonable.

When the school tested him and we got his scores she convinced herself that they weren't accurate based on the fact that it was "just some school person" doing the testing. When he was accepted to DYS based on those scores she admitted that maybe, just maybe he was a little smarter than average.

It is horribly frustrating to spend all day advocating with schools, then having to come home and advocate again.

Here is my recommendation to you. Have your DH sit down with him. Pick his favorite subject and have DH do a lesson with him. Have him do the same thing the next night. While all this bonding is going on, get online and pull the K-1 standards off the internet. Sit him down and show him what your DS should be doing according to the school district. Also print the standard that identifies the task your DS is doing with DH. Is it 3rd grade? Print it. If you want, you can go through the entire 3rd grade standard and highlight everything that your son is capable of completing.

I can't remember if you have test scores or not but if you do, get back online and print out the percentiles related to your DS. Show your DH that your son has been identified in the 94th% (whatever the number). Finally make him get on Davidson's site and take him to their library. Let him sit and read and read and read.

Finally, give your son a standards test, whatever grade you think he's working in. Tell your DH that you'll give it again at the end of the summer and if there hasn't been any improvement you'll let him go back to school. (if you're worried about this part, you can always teach to the test...PS do it all the time!)

My house is still full of disagreement where DS is concerned but it doesn't escalate like it used to. One of the biggest things that helped me plead my case was when DS asked his other mom why she didn't want him to learn anything new?

Keep doing what you know you have to do for your son. With the school out of the way now, you only have to advocate to one person and the access is much better!

Good Luck!! Keep us posted!

You two need to be on the same page. What that page is, I can't say, but you need to be in it together.

Time for Dad to spend a day with the child doing work at DS's actual level. (You might even tell DS that if he wants to homeschool and not repeat 1st grade, then he needs to show Dad what he can do. Make DS work for it!)

Then you and your DH need to get a bottle of wine and have a long talk alone! Hash it all out. Get on the same page.

Power struggles only happen with kids because parents make them happen. If you consciously make the choice, there's no power struggle. It sounds to me like your DH is undermining that with his comments. That can't happen without undermining your authority.

Make your best choices and stand by them. It's that simple. Then there's no power struggle.

Ouch. Repeating the 1st grade? Now that's crazy.

How about your DYS family consultant? May be the three of you could brainstorm together and hopefully come to the same conclusion. Your DH may be more open to an advice/opinion coming from a DYS professional than yours.

You might get more cooperation from dh if you sit down together and make a list of measurable goals. For instance:
1. Ds's attitude toward authority will show improvements.
2. Ds will demonstrate mastery of increasingly difficult subjects through the use of testing or papers.
3. A pleasant educational experience for your son will result in less stress on you, therefore a happier home for all.

Keep your goals low, so they are achievable. Success begets success, and it's easier to raise goals than to lower them after you start working toward them.

Make a thorough evaluation of your ds's behavior, mental outlook, achievement level. List some things that will help you achieve your goals to help him grow. Group lessons helped our GS because I could reinforce the teacher's authority, remove him if necessary, encourage when needed. Individual lessons worked well, too. GS's taken ice skating, art, piano, in Scouts & 4-H.

One more thing, DH may need some time to get used to the idea. I freaked out when DS asked to be homeschooled and look at us now. We are happy homeschoolers.

Thanks guys.

Two complicating factors:
--this is a stepfather situation
--my son is not doing any "work" to speak of, so having him sit down with DH would probably backfire.

Having the DYS consultant speak to him might be a good idea.

I think we need some kind of family therapy situation.

I'm sure the stepfather situation does complicate things a bit.

It did take a long while for my DH to come around to the idea of homeschooling. And within a couple months of starting to home school, DH became a huge fan and advocate of it. At least for our kid. I don't know that he considers DS8 REALLY HG yet. Honestly, I don't know if do most days. It's easy to forget about it when you're homeschooling. DS8 just went back to being a happy kid moving at his own pace, like when he was a preschooler. Edited to say, I meant to say that he may come around to it in his own time.

I agree having a 3rd party like a DYS consultant speak to him might be a really good idea.

Sorry to read this The father of my DS and I are not married anymore but when I suggested getting him tested for gifted he told me I was going to make our son "not normal". I told him that in case he didn't realize it he was already not "normal" for his age and never would be.

How frustrating! Maybe he'll get it one day?