Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Everything about my 3yr old is complicated!

Welcome TMJ,
My DD6 is also very intense about food (and lots of other things). We too have had gravity questions, and all sorts of other "strange" dinner conversations with her since she could talk at age 1. My favorite dinner conversation however, was when Pluto got "down graded" to a planetoid, DD was so upset she couldn't eat - "it's not fair, you can't tell him he's not a planet anymore, it will hurt his feelings." How do you explain that to others?

I'd recommend you read James Delisle's book Parenting Gifted Kids: Tips for raising happy and successful children. (book link)
it was a great help to DH and I when we first realized we didn't have the typical little girl.

So well put.

TMJ, I am a newbie here, but I've found a place to air and share what truthfully concerns me as a parent. I do not have another safe place to do this right now.

When you love your child and devote so much energy to their well being, you really need a suppotive parenting community. I'd venture to say you also need a supportive pediatrician and psychologist.

When Pluto was downgraded, I had to explain to DS the criteria for planets and why Pluto no longer qualified.

Ds8 was sooooo bummed out about this. He wouldn't even let other people talk about it around him. I think he was 6 or 7.

One frustrating thing is that it sometimes feels like other people assume you are a terrible parent because yours is the overly sensitive child, must be spoiled. (Our dd2, who turns 3 in about 3 weeks is very sensitive too, and we are having conversations about bones, blood cells, all the equipment in the doctors office, etc. )

Welcome TMJ!

Thank you all for your responses... I'm feeling a little less 'abnormal' now!

We meet with the Psych next week for the results, so hopefully her assessment will be able to help us understand DS a little better. Although, I did see first-hand why testing in this age group is somewhat unstable. DS flat out refused to name an apple, and answered a question further along with 'well, that is an interesting one. It sort of looks like a hippopotamus but hippos don't have horns. Maybe its something from the ice age- A dinosaur? I'm sorry lady, I just can't tell you.' LOL.

I'll be sure to let you all know how we go. Thanks again for the warm welcome!

TMJ

TMJ, I got to this post late, but wanted to say Welcome. I also have a DD3 who is VERY sensitive about everything. Lately I've been feeling like maybe she is just a spoiled brat, but as I read through the posts on this thread, I realize that she's not spoiled, she's just different. I'm still in the denial stages of learning I have a GT child, so I tend to forget what's typical and atypical.

I came here a little while ago so thankful to have found people who understand exactly how I feel and what we're going through. It's been a wonderful resource. I've gotten wonderful advice and ideas; I honestly do not know what I would be doing if I didn't have this board. It keeps me sane!

TMJ,

You are definitely not alone! I am also new here and have found so much comfort in such a short period of time.

My DS10 is a quirky kid. He's always been wired differently--movies at theaters were too intense for him, he's very picky about foods, he's inflexible--yet he has the funniest insights. He's begun playing the electric guitar and recently wanted to bring the guitar into Panera when we stopped there for a bite. He said, "I could bring in my guitar, play a little and tell them that I'm a trouvere, mom." Okay, how many 10 year olds know what a trouvere is?

He's growing into a really imaginative, delightful young man but when he was littler I don't think I left the house for the first three years of his life, he was so challenging. I never knew when or where or how a meltdown might occur. His preschool teachers wanted to hold him back because his behaviors were odd and immature. (Thank goodness we didn't listen. I can't imagine how bored he would have been one grade behind where he is now when now is not even close to where he should be academically.)

My point is, I guess, that slowly, I am learning to trust myself and not listen so much to the words of others--they just don't know our situation. Most people just REALLY don't know. It's so hard though, isn't it? I'm just so glad I can come here and let it all out. Thanks everyone and TMJ, we're here for you!

I am also new to this forum and so happy that I've found it. I am just coming to realize perhaps why my DS5 is so intense. For awhile I was questioning my parenting skills. Was it a lack of discipline? Not that I could see. Perhaps I should try that whole reward chart thing? Never worked, my son is not bribe-able and easily adjusts his interests. I've read so many parenting books and none of them ever fit our situation. I felt like they were all parenting 1 and I was onto the upper division parenting subjects. His kindergarten teacher even asked to have him tested for ADHD! Which, it turns out he is not. That's when I started to look at the fact that maybe he is having difficulties because he is gifted. Why do I feel like I'm dealing with a 12 year old when my son is only 5? I did have him tested recently via a school counselor who said that my DS had an average IQ and should be adequately challenged. I am really questioning the test's accuracy. It seems like the test really missed the mark because as far as i can see he has met a majority of the criteria for giftedness.

Regarding your mention of emotional sensitivity, last night as we were finishing dinner my son all of a sudden started to get teary-eyed and said that he didn't want to die. It was completely out of the blue. Then he told me that when he hears a violin play it seems so sad and reminds him of someone dying. (A couple weeks ago we went to see a family symphony performance by Lemony Snickett called "The Composer is Dead".) He went on to say that he couldn't even look at a picture of a violin without starting to feel sad (so much for the violin lessons I was planning to sign him up for). We ended up having a conversation about death and why people die. It doesn't seem like normal 5 year old conversation to me.

I have always felt that my son isn't like most of the other kids in our neighborhood. He is very intense, often inflexible, extremely independent, and a critical thinker with a mind of his own. I have had a very difficult time and am exhausted at the end of the day. I also have a DD3 who I believe is on the same path.

It's nice to know this community exists because I often feel like I don't have other parents that can relate to my parenting issues. Thank you to everyone for offering so much support!

Just a quick follow up on the psych appointment for anyone that is interested...

The psychologist said that DS didn't participate in the WPPSI particularly well (citing distraction & possibly 'stranger danger' as he barely spoke to her) but the bits he did do were impressive. She said given his age, she is uncomfortable providing information any more specific than 'at the very least, he's well into the 90's' (percentiles wise.) I was totally okay with that answer. After all, we went for behavior counseling not IQ testing, so that info is a bonus.

I was particularly happy that she also said DS warrants close observation (meaning ongoing appointments with her) as she has some concerns with his schooling in the future. I didn't ask her at the time to elaborate on whether she was referring to his OEs and/or (possible) GT, because either way it means an outsider has finally seen what a delightfully mixed bag our special little guy is!

I have really appreciated reading everyone's posts - I'm smiling and crying with you all.

TMJ

I'm new here too but just wanted to say that a lot of the things that you said hit home with me especially this part: "on one hand, we must be bragging, on the other we obviously just need to punish that curiosity/sensitivity/perfectionism etc out of him".

My son is only 4 but it's still such a roller coaster ride with him. I suspect that it will be for much of his life.