Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Do you find that other people...

have the impression that you 'worked with' your child and therefore, that's why he/she is the way they are?

I was having a discussion with a friend who was told "it's obvious you work her" in reference to her DD3. She told me that now she knows what I mean about people thinking that I must have really drilled the alphabet and numbers and whatever else people thought it odd that he knew so young. Why do people assume that as opposed to thinking that hey, maybe they are the way they are w/ nothing from us. Of course, we interact and talk/play/laugh/etc. with them, but if that's the cause of it, then more children should be this way, right?

You can't buy a toy for a child nowadays that doesn't have some educational function, so does that mean that you're drilling your child if you provide a toy? And that you're forcing them to learn if you play with them with said toy?

I'm thankful that we've encountered great teachers who've said "it is what it is" in reference to DSs abilities and don't think that this is something that *we* want or need for DS. I just get frustrated when people have the idea that I'm a taskmaster who began instruction prior to conception, when it's the farthest thing from reality. If anything, DH and I were more about the play than anything formal when DS was younger. We figured there'd be plenty of time for the formal stuff when he started school, we just wanted to enjoy our kid and we did (and still are, of course).

Anyone else have these kinds of experiences?

Yep, goes w/ the territory I'm afraid. I would cringe when DS would show his precocity in public. I recall when my oldest was in story time at the library. All the moms were sitting and talking in the library. It was about the 3rd library session and the other 2 times, DS then about 20months, had put together a shapes puzzle the prior 2 times. He picked up a piece and said "Look mommy, this one is a trapezoid! And here is a square, a circle, and a hexagon." The room got deathly quiet and all the heads whipped around. I just slunk into my chair and put my head down until the moment passed lol.

But I've gotten "OH you must really work with him." To that I reply, "Well, if you call reading to him, playing with him, taking him to interesting places and being out in nature for hours a day working with him, guilty as charged." that usually shifts the conversation lol.

Oh yes. Parents of DS8's friends will always ask me what I do with him or how I teach him. I just told them that that is his interest (Math) and I just pass him many books to read. I guess they were not convinced but I don't see the need to elaborate. Sometimes they will ask me for books recommendation which I would gladly provide. I will also recommend that they make full use of the school library facilities as we are really blessed with so much good resources.
I have heard that some teachers in high sch thought I am hot-housing DS but I don't really care what they think. They don't know DS at all.

I've had people stop me and ask what kind of flashcard system I used, what reading program I used etc. It's kind of funny because I DO have neighbors who have done the whole "strap your 8 mo old into a high chair and give them a treat for looking at flashcards" thing. It didn't work out too well for them.

Things seem to have become less noticeable as he gets older. He's very tall for not quite 6 so people tend to think he's older too. It's less rare to see a 7 year old reading a chapter book in Costco than a 5 year old!

My standard response though is still "I didn't do anything, he just came this way." People usually get confused and wonder where I "got" him :-)

i get this from his school, like we strap him to a chair or something.....

the thing that stinks is they are not giving him hard enough work, so we supplement at home, then i feel guilty, like i am robbing him of his childhood.................

Nothing like running head first into ignorance.... Might as well get used to it, it doesn't go away.

I read this in the Gifted Exchange Blog interview with Joel McIntosh, the publisher of Prufrock Press. I think it goes a long way in explaining the mindset you've encountered.
http://giftedexchange.blogspot.com/2009/03/facets-of-gifted-education-joel.html

With this kind of mindset, it's easy to view parents of gifted children as just pushing their children ahead.

It helps me to think of a different mindset and something Tamara Fisher wrote about in Unwrapping the Gifted (December 10, 2008 Born? Made? Developed? Unstoppable?)
http://blogs.edweek.org/teachers/unwrapping_the_gifted/
I take pride in stretching my children's bands but I recognize that each child's band is unique. Having gone through this as a child, I'm glad my mother did her best to make sure I was stretched and grateful she didn't do less because of other people's mindsets.

Absolutely. Of course, if people really know me then they don't think that at all. I am not at all that organized or interested to work with him in that way. If ever I worked with him it would be in the area of social skills as that is more my thing. In actuality, I feel slightly guilty that I didn't work with him enough. He knew so much at a young age, I held back because before I knew much about gifted children I thought that I was doing him a favor by not making the gap even bigger than it already was. Sometimes he would ask questions and I would tell him not to worry about it and he didn't need to know the answer (like when he was speaking some Spanish at 2 and wanted to kno what comes after 10 in spanish...I figured a 2 year old counting to 10 in spanish was good enough) But then I learned that is not a good thing to hold him back at all and let him take the lead again. You live and learn.

One of my DD's started reading before 2 and we were out shopping or something she would read everything she could, I got alot of "How old is she?" "that can't be, how did you teach her?" type of questions. I was very proud, and didn't mind them asking at all. One time I did get a you must of worked with her very hard comment, but it didn't bother me. The lady got it wrong DD worked very hard with me to get me to teach her.

I also find that everyone assumes that I taught DS6 everything and that I drill him every night. In reality, I honestly don't have enough time to keep up with him.

DS6 hasn't been helping lately because he keeps telling me--"I wish you hadn't taught me to read or do hard math. Maybe then I would learn in class like the other kids." He just doesn't realize the difference between teaching him something and helping him learn what is already there. I also keep reminding him that even if he entered school not knowing how to add, it wouldn't have taken him the last 6 months to learn since when he was 3 he learned it in a few short play sessions.