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My DS6 came home from school today with a friendship bracelet. He told me his gifted teacher gave it to him to give to whoever he considered his best friend. He gave it to me. Although it gave me the warm fuzzies all over, it got me thinking about gifties and friendships.

While all of DS' teachers agree that he's very social and gets along with everyone, they've also commented that he doesn't seem to feel the need to "get close". Meaning that he doesn't have best friends, doesn't sit with the same kids everyday etc.

I'm wondering if any of you have noticed the same thing. His gifted teacher told me that just like anything else, relationships take effort and in the case of my son he's entirely too focused on other things to put out the effort. Sounds reasonable I guess. At what point do the wheels in the brain turn away from math and toward friendship?

Maybe he sees something in everyone that he likes AND is capable of having many friends and is capable of putting forth the effort to keep many friends?

If so, then these kind of people end up with huge "rolodexes" as compared to normal people.

Maybe you can question him about the kids he knows - if he knows details about many of them, knows their names, and keeps up, then he is gifted socially.

Many good leaders know and can recall names and faces of tens of thousands of people. Clinton, Bush, and Obama are known for this.

Lots of GT kids cross groups and have situational friendships: a chess friend, a friend at lunch, a friend to play outside with, etc.

I know I was one of these kids, and it lasted into high school. I was a jock with a boyfriend who was a straight-A student and a drama geek, but who was on student council, had lots of band friends, etc. I didn't really "fit" any one place at the time. I had lots of friends, but few close friends. But my high school reunions are a blast because I know EVERYONE there and have a sincere interest in knowing what everyone is doing now.

Actually, that has lasted even to today. I have a large circle of aquaintances with whom I like to spend time at different events and situations, but I have a very tight circle of real, close intimate friendships.

Some of that is personality for me, as it may well be for your child. I'm a highly social introvert, so I like people, but I am still pretty guarded. That means I know a lot of people and like them, but I would give my friendship bracelet to my DH!

Does your DS think his friendship situation is a problem? Does he feel lonely? If not, I don't think I'd worry too much about it. Keep an eye on it, maybe. But just casually.

I hear you. I've wondered if it is just me... because I did find that one best like minded friend ... a best friend. And I've always viewed girls as having one. But to date, our oldest dd7 sounds like your son. A floater. We came close. When she was in a gifted group last year... but the girl moved. They still call and write. There are always kids saying they are here best friend but... well... Without a grade skip she may not really meet another like mind for a school friendship... or maybe it is still just the age thing. Different best buddies every day last year seemed the norm for all the kids.

????

It isn't a lonely thing for us - yet. But I did recently realize I was always telling her to compromise with friends. But then I realized what I was saying was 'do what your friend wants to do'. Because they don't get playing escape on the underground railroad and then work at a newspaper to tell the story to all.

And to vent on your dime here. I'm tired of giving polite questions to why she is in the grade she is in... or one sleepover guest asking why her spelling words were so long. They are just kids asking kid questions but when it is in front of your kid - inside you just what to smile and say - like it no big deal "honey her brain is just way older than her little body, now move along and eat this popcorn."

And I must now realize I'd be a horrid leader - I barely keep my kids names correct!!

I love this board- so many things that I didn't quite get about ds6 are making sense now! Anyway, my ds is the same way. He asked me the other night if I knew who is best friend was. I asked who and he said "everyone in my class". He has had a couple of close friends but never seemed to click with one specific boy (or girl)- you know, as in always wanting to do something with that one person. This has kind of bugged me because I thought he Needed to have a best friend. But, I'm learning that may just be who he is and if he is ok with it so I should be too!.

My 10 year old son has friends (all older and public schooled) but none that he would really consider close friends. He told me a few days ago that you could even call them "estranged" friends during the school year because he doesn't get to see them very often and they forget about him because they are busy with things like band and other things that he can't participate in because he is homeschooled. Several of these friends will be going to high school next year and one is taller than a lot of adults.

Most of his friends were in his musical theater class and they are all talking about quitting now so that might be the end of any opportunity for socialization with other kids.

I told him that I thought his adult sister thought of him as a friend as well as a little brother because she talks to him a couple of hours every day about anything and everything. I asked him if he considered her a friend and he said it was more like a "forced" friendship. He was not about to admit that he likes talking to his sister.

DS realized a long time ago that the term "best friend" was a loaded term often used with strings attached and not a sign of what he would consider true friendship. For example the phrase "if you sit with her at lunch I won't be your best friend anymore." Anyway, he has lots of friends, but will have nothing to to with a "best friend" --too limiting and too loaded. I think that this happens more with boys than girls, but surely there are exceptions.

In reading my new IAS manual last night I was surprised with the section on relationships.

"A lack of depth in friendships in children is often indicative of intellect"

That's not exact, but you get the gist.

My 2yr old keeps saying 'Fine, then I'm not going to be your friend anymore!' whenever I have to put her in time out or otherwise offer unsatisfactory service.

But seriously, I have definitely noticed ds8 struggling with friendship in general but I think we see a light at the end of the tunnel. Things have turned around partly since he is mixing with kids who enjoy the things he enjoys (for the most part).

ds7 has a couple of kids he is very close too, and considers friends. The rest of the kids at school he sees more as people he knows and is friendly with, a lot of kids know him and are very friendly towards him. He's nice to them, but has told me he looks for someone he can talk to on his level.

A while back I got in touch with the local SENG organization and told them i was searching for a kid like mine. They got us together with another family, they have a boy his same age and the two are now "best friends" and when they are together they are like frick and frack. It has worked out really well.

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