Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Decompression Comencing

Warning: This is a serious vent. I just want to tear my hair out. So DD 4.5 has a friend who is (newly) 8. The girls play very well together - games, create plays, read - and seek each other out to spend time with. The other girl's mom even says that my DD plays games, etc. better than the other kids her DD hangs out with ages 7-10 and that she doesn't worry about the games being mishandled or fighting over rules, etc. when my DD is at their house the way she does with the other older kids.

Then she turns around and says that her DD is tired of "always having to watch the little kids like Boo". What?! WAIT! She doesn't "watch" Boo. They play board games together, practice acting out plays and writing songs together. What the *heck* is this "watch" business? The girls don't *have* to hang out. No one is forcing the other girl to invite my DD over. No one is forcing her to take us up on invitations to come over and visit.

The other mom also mentions emotional maturity levels. I understand that given the difference in age there will be some variation between the girls. But again, the other mom has commented that Boo often is more mature than the older girls. (Boo is very socially aware, considerate of others, diplomatic; it's just her nature.) I know that there are some things the Boo finds fun (like a kiddie ride that was too small for the other girl) that the other girl thinks are silly and there are things that the older girl does that Boo doesn't quite understand, yet. That's to be expected.

I just don't know how to take the comments. They seem double edged. Maybe I am just sensitive, because I thought that *FINALLY* Boo has a friend who likes to do things with her - read together, write poetry and short stories, create and act out plays, do nature studies, ride bikes, play hopscotch. A friend that doesn't care that she's younger/smaller. And to hear that the other girl is "tired of watching" Boo, just hurts. And I don't know if it's really the other girl saying it, I mean she even calls and sends e-mails to my DD or if the mom has a problem with the age difference.

To top it off, she constantly tells me that I'll understand re: emotional maturity when Boo is older like her DD. What am I twit? I understand it, *NOW* Thankyouverymuch. I also know that my DD is very mature for her age and I realize that she is still only 4.5, but unless the other mom is basing her yapping on something more than just my DD's age...

...I really just want to tell her to shut up!

Ugh!

CAPS for emphasis only. Misspellings and poor grammar for emphasis, too! Not really, but I don't feel up to editing.

All too often, people use others to try and voice their feelings without a willingness to own up to them. This woman is saying that her daughter says these things is probably in truth, her feelings. It sounds like you've spent a significant amount of time with this child. Do the mom's comments sound like something the daughter would say? I suspect not. I would take the opportunity to ask the child if she likes playing with your DD, if there are any problems etc and see what she says.
Unfortunately, it may be another case of simple jealousy. As your daughter gets older, she will outdistance the other girl. Many parents feel inadequate with their parenting when faced with a child that knows so much more, so much younger. It's stupid but it's very real.

Maybe she is saying that she feels like she has to watch Boo when Boo is playing at her house. Could you invite the friend over to your house more often?

Nope. Boo has never visited without me. I go over and have coffee, etc. with the mom and the kids spend time together. So it's *never* an issue of the mom or daughter "watching" my kids - ever. Boo's been invited alone, but it's never worked out for my schedule. But the mom has dropped her DD off at my house or had me watch her at another location without her. Otherwise, we see each other at park dates, etc.

Could you just do drop-off playdates from now on?
Sounds like the friendship b/w the kids is going well, but the mom's statements about it are irking you. <<shrug>> I don't know, I just didn't get impression from your post that you're friends with this woman. Is there a reason you would be obligated to hang out?

Huh. Well, that is strange. I don't know what to make of it!

Just a question - is the 8 year old gifted? I've got a 4 year old and an 8 year old so I might be able to give you some perspective on this. But knowing whether or not the 8 year old is gifted would help? jojo

I don't know. She just started reading a couple of months ago - Dr. Suess, mostly. But that doesn't necessarily mean anything re: GTness. She is doing math like 1,285 + 2,980=. I don't know if that's in line with 2nd grade expectations or not, though. My Kid Kompass is really unreliable. Any perspective you could send my way would be helpful.

Thanks.

Maybe the 8 year old girl was talking about "other kids" and not Boo? There could be another sentence in there with the implied meaning that Boo is different? "I am tired watching other kids like Boo. Because Boo is not like the other kids. I don't have to watch Boo"

??

The mom and I are friends. And I thought the kids were friends, too, independent of the parents' relationship. I just felt a bit blindsided. Here I thought one thing about the kids based on my observations of their interactions and the other mother is telling me something different. Interestingly enough, she just called to ask me to take a two week long trip with them and said that it would be great to have us along, because she would love to have me around and her DD would really like to spend time with Boo.

I just don't know what to think at this point. I am just going to go with the flow and see if these recent comments re: watching/babysitting, etc. were just anomalies, which would explain why I was so taken aback by them, or if something else is going on and I missed the signals. I feel quite by all of it.