Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion off topic...do you ever wish this or is it just me

Me too! I had gotten my hopes up with the baby swing and was so glad I hadn't bought one. Luckily, I was able to borrow one from a friend before learning it didn't do the trick for us.

No I didn't ask for it but I appreciate it! And I wonder if maybe my friend is so easy to jump to acid reflux with the second one because as I read your information I remember first I don't see her doing the holding techniques you describe but also tummy time was very lax on their part. The doctor brought it up and she was embarrassed to say that they really aren't putting baby #2 on the floor but she does lay on mommy's tummy when changing positions for breastfeeding which the doctor concluded that that was tummy time. I would love to bring this up to her but I am afraid it will result with her feeling attacked or having negative feelings. And I am the first to say I don't butt into others parenting styles.

I'm proud of you! And I'm glad you're thinking in terms of giving her time to adjust. Yay!!!

Hi Katelyn's Mom -
I know how curious I can be, so here goes:

When he arched to prevent me getting the harness on in the car, I have no idea how old he was, but I had never seen the behavior before or in any other circumstance. There we lots of body language and facial expressions that made it clear (to me) that he just didn't want to be in the carseat. Maybe I leaped to that conclusion since he cried in the carseat so constantly. At that age, no car toy would have mattered - we tried. Later the car was our friend, and he would fall asleep in it. We even had a baby monitor and an extention cord in the garage so that if he was sleeping after a car ride, I didn't have to move him and wake him up. I know that around age 2, he got a 'Leapfrog' Schoolbus with all the letters on the side, and it was a car toy that fasinated him for hours. He would press the 'B' button and the thing said: 'B' makes the 'Bu' sound.

One of his Daycare teachers pulled me aside to let me know that be could make all the sounds when she pointed to letters on an alphabet puzzle at school. She seem 'very impressed' - I felt highly embarrassed, as if caught. Beyond the feeling of embarrassment, I instantly blocked the whole thing with: 'Of course he can do that, he has that toy!' I will say that the next few years of non-reading felt scary - because outside of the words 'Start' and 'Exit' from the computer programs, he really didn't make any progress until first grade! It was weird, but even my one college friend who had raised gifted kids highly discouraged me from paying any attention to that 'gap.' Wish I could have come here and posted back then - perhaps we could have gotten involved with his vision issues earlier. At the very least I sure would have loved to hear that I wasn't crazy to be concerned!

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I had no idea what 'tummy time' was until DS was 6 months old. I hope he did some at daycare - as he was there 5 hours a day 3 days a week. When a friend who I respected took the time to sit with me so I could try to put him in 'tummy time' there were many tears (rage on his part, sadness on mine)

The deal with the sling was that he did cry when we first used it, but that I was very active in the local La Leche group, and one of the leaders sold me my sling, so she taught me how to use it, and every month would show me new positions to use it in. He did get used to it, and I did learn to nurse with him in the sling, which was probably the 'killer application' for DS. Did he use me as a 'pascifier' - no doubt! How knows if I did right or wrong - not me for sure!

If I could have put him down on that 'sheepskin' thing and done 5 minutes of 'kitchen duty' I'm sure he would be a different kid today, but I'm not sure that I would have been willing to watch him get that mad and that sad. I hope that with support, I would have. ((shrug))

Love and More Love,
Grinity

You know I have a couple of thoughts as I was reading through your last two posts. First I really hear some doubt in yourself for some of the choices you made. Okay we all have them at some point... the second guessing is just human nature but just know that everyone takes a different path in this thing called motherhood even siblings from the same family brought up in the same way can have very different styles and I think that has a lot to do with individual personalities such as your statement I quoted above. Even if you had the support during that and people telling you you needed to put the baby down and let him cry for 5 minutes you probably couldn't bring yourself to that point. Maybe a minute OR maybe the whole 5 minutes but I am going to bet you have a high empathy level and really suffer along with the upset person. Some people are like that and others can be a little numb to it (case in point me!)


So please don't second guess yourself because it really doesn't help. In the end you brought up a child (to the age he is now)that I am sure is a wonderful individual. He would have to be if he is your son.

Grin, you practice Attachment Parenting. Your ways may be counter-culture for Americans, but not crazy. Have you ever read Dr. Sears' work or gone to the website kellymom. com?

I read many books by Phenelope Leach while pregnant, and then the Sears' books after the baby came. DS seemed to be more of a 'Sears' baby than a 'Leach' baby.

Thanks for the Support K's Mom, I do have some doubts about the choices I made, because I would have loved to have been the 'perfect parent' for DS12.But it was not to be. Also, I think the fact that I have doubts is better than the early days when I was sure that I was doing it exactly right.

LOL - I wonder if anyone else loved the Grace Jones song: "I'm not perfect, but I'm perfect for you!"

Attachment parenting got me through those 'high need' years without really realizing that I was doing double duty! So in that respect 'it worked.' DS is an wonderful individual. A bit of a couch potatoe, though. The apple didn't fall far from the tree, in that respect.

It bugs me though that there is no way to look at all the parenting methods and know which ones work for which kids. Something this important should have guidebook, and not just 'Gurus.' ((shrug))

I do have 'high empathy' but I am actually quite at home with crying when I can see a rational for it. I don't see crying as an 'I'm hurting' statement. I see it as, 'I was hurt/frustrated/whatever, and now I'm healing it by sharing it.'
Although 1 minute to start with sounds better than 5 minutes!

My brother assured me at the time that although I stuck out on the East Coast of the US, that in San Francisco, I would be 'a dime a dozen.'

I loved becomeing a mother, becasue I felt like it let me into this screte club that had been closed to me before. It didn't really suprise me that I Mothered 'differently' than most folks.

Happy Smiles,
Grinity

Oh Grinity I will let you in on a little secret. We all wish for that 'perfect' mother gene but it doesn't exist. As an historian and artist my love is the 1950s at the height of the cold war. I had found a list in an old high school home economic textbook that was taught to teenagers in the 50s. I love that list because it is how to be the perfect wife and mother. So get ready to copy and paste and make sure you follow through....ready?

Actually I don't have the whole list it is probably on an old harddrive but it basically goes like this. Be sure to have your table set with the food hot and ready for when your husband comes home. You should run the vacuum one more time about 20 minutes before he is to arrive. (Right because I always run mine a few times a day... lucky if it gets pulled out 1 mth) Have the children properly dressed with faces cleaned and hair brushed. Be sure to reapply your makeup and freshen up your attire. Have a cocktail ready for when he comes in the door.

I know I am missing something in that list but there you go the perfect housewife of the 1950s. My point really is that the idea of perfect needs to be replaced because it really doesn't exist and during the era when we strive for it all we got is plastic shells that tried to keep up with the jones. I prefer keeping it real and real means that no one is perfect. Not even Kriston! (Okay I couldn't resist.)

You know Grinity, the style of parenting that you practise(d) is what is expected of us in my city. We are told to put our babes in our bed, wear a sling, breast feed no matter what etc. We are given so many stats about babies that are carried more, as opposed to put down. We are told that babies need skin to skin contact daily in order to form proper attachments etc etc.

I felt so guilty if I put dd down just to use the washroom (probably made it worse because of the fact that she would hyperventilate and practically make herself throw up if I put her down!). I just have such great respect for those parents that practised attachment parenting. I am sure your son is wonderful...no one is the perfect parent. It just isn't possible to be the perfect parent, but if you were tryign to practise attachment parenting...I believe that you did the best possible for your son!