Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion off topic...do you ever wish this or is it just me

It is most likely just me...but do you ever think about life before kids and almost morn that part of life? Don't get me wrong my daughter is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me...she is my whole world...but that is just it-she is my whole world. I miss being me! Do you ever miss the old days? In some ways I am disappointed in myself...I wanted 4 kids. I used to LOVE babies (growing up I had pictures of babies all over my room!). Now I know I only want 1 child and if dh can convince me otherwise it will be through adoption, and it will be adoption of a toddler not a baby.

I could go on, but you get the idea. Do you ever miss your old life? I feel very very guilty for missing it so much, but I can't help it (I've tried!).

It gets better as they get older. They become more independent and each year you get more of "yourself" back.

And the stuff you don't get back you reinvent!

My previous life seems pretty boring compared to the shenanigans my wee ones subject me to now!

The reason I started writing was because I was losing my mind and missing me. I needed something to think about that was all mine.

It may be time to find a project or hobby or job that is all yours, One. Not to mention some time to yourself to enjoy it. It can make a big difference in your outlook.

But you're definitely not alone in those feelings! {hugs}

Onesie,

That sounds like my life....Had one, hated pregnancy and have since adopted three!

thanks sorry, that was really a downer of a post! I like my life...I was just really tired this morning and when I don't get enough sleep everything seems horrible! lol

Anyhow, life is good! Thanks for replying!

Okay, girl, we could talk, because you have written just about everything on my mind.

Sometimes I catch myself saying or thinking, "If I just had one full week without the baby...!" and then I realize the horror of my thought. I, too, wanted 4 kids and we are going though adoption (first match fell through in December).

We weren't sure how we'd find the time and energy for a second whirling dervish who sucks every millesecond of time out of our lives, but seeing DD with little babies has made us realize she wants to help raise them. In some ways, we expect having a second whirling dervish would make our parenting lives easier. (Famous last words, right? lol) DD is a breeze around other people - it's impossible for me to single-handedly provide her all the input, stimulation and feedback she requires. DH and I agree she needs a family around her.

Lately I've been struggling with having an ideal life - which I have - and still feeling grumpy. It boils down to me not feeling I can acccomplish much, especially compared with things I used to do. There are so many productive, creative, organizational, and health related things I'd like to do that I have to constantly push back, back, back in my mind because raising DD is all-encompassing right now. After awhile that mental self-denial seems to bother me.

I wish we could get together for a playdate! Better yet, I wish we could get together for a spa day.

I think it is time for you to take some time for yourself. Schedule a spa day and leave DD with DH or call a girlfriend to go out with or just go window shopping or to a museum by yourself. I know it easier said than done. I hardly ever take time to myself and if I do it is usually for a hair appointment and then I rush home to the kiddo, but last Saturday I went off with a girlfriend to have lunch and a movie. It was nice and rejuvenated me.

And Seablue,

I am so sorry that the adoption fell through. I have my fingers crossed for you and your family.

Onsie,
You aren't weird.
Yes it does chage with time - I just dropped DS off for the evening and he'll be playing 'Friday Night Magic the Gathering' until I pick him up at 11pm. I'm still 'on call' but it is SO different.

I don't think you should wait! I think you should stratigize! Get more folks into your lives and get more alone time. I kept DS in daycare as little as possible - about half time - to age 3, then I said to myself - 'I give up! He has a lot more energy than I do! Let him use it up there!' and I started taking some time for me even though I was working part time.

How would you look at a mom who totally gave up her entire life chasing a special needs kid from the other side of the spectrum? 24/7?

Grinity

I have high hopes that things get better as they get older. I hear all about women crying as their babies grow up and I am rejoycing that my baby is not a baby anymore. Since she was born things have gotten 100% better and as she gets older is is continuing to get easier and easier. I look forward to her full time school days a lot, even though that means I will have to be back to work. Anyhow, I get how as she gets older things will be easier. She will have friends to play with and that will keep her entertained...instead of me being the entertainer! I will have a HUGE break when she is at school during the day. Maybe I will meet some other parents at her school when she goes. She will be able to help me with the housework, instead of whining until I finish it and play with her. I am seriously hoping she develops an imaginary friend!

Anyhow, I do have hope for the future. Unfortunately, dd is just so clingy and demanding still that there is not a lot I can change right now. I am really praying that she will like preschool in the Fall. That would be such a great break for me and since I will not be back to work while she is in preschool, it would be time just for me to do whatever I want!!!!

Thank you for the replies. Things really are fine...I am sure this is common enough. My mom had her first child when she was 21...so she doesn't know what she missed, in terms freedom during her adult life. I had my baby when I was 29, so I really know what I am missing! That's just life though...and I do love my baby more than anything, we are so blessed.