Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Inappropriately placed in the work world

Hi all!

Thanks in large part to what I've learned from this forum, my DS4, who I suspect of being HG, is in a good position right now (see 11/22 post in Gen Discussion), but I'm a mess! I began following this forum and devouring gifted lit solely for the sake of my son, but I see so much of myself in all that I've read that this has turned into a real eye-opening and painful process for me. I see myself in every HG kid who is bored, restless, lonely and/or depressed due to an inappropriate academic placement--not just because I went through that as a kid, but because I'm still living it daily, at work! Due in part to what I now recognize as crippling perfectionism, I've failed to reach any of my career goals despite 22 years of education and am currently stuck in a dead-end, mid-level management position doing mind-numbing work with people who don't understand me. I get paid well (without having to really apply myself), but I'm not learning, growing or advancing. It wasn't until I immersed myself in gifted lit that I started to understand what an underachiever I've become and why I hate going to work every day. I don't know what the solution is though. As much as I'd like to pull myself out and find a new job, the timing isn't good right now, and my boss, who isn't the least bit interested in fostering my potential, won't let me go deeper or skip ahead! I've asked! As a result, I'm developing behavioral problems, including procrastination, which has never been a problem for me, and feel like I'm on the verge of acting out! Am I uniquely screwed up, or has anyone else seen parallels between the school and work experiences of gifted adults?

Thanks for hearing me out.

Ms Friz

Nope, I've been there. Being a SAHM was a wonderful chance to be home with my kids that I wouldn't have traded for the world...but it was also becoming mind-numbingly dull after 3 years of it, and I desperately needed to do something more intellectually challenging than reciting the ABCs and changing dirty diapers! I wasn't ready to go back to work full time in an office or classroom again, but I needed more to my life. I definitely felt all those same frustrations and boredom and depression that we see in underchallenged GT kids. So yes, I see the parallels! Yes!

My solution was to write a novel. That might or might not work for you, but have you tried finding a hobby or a passion or some volunteer work that is challenging and fulfilling as the novel was for me? Just as afterschooling can keep GT kids from losing their minds, "afterworking" can help keep you sane without requiring that you "quit your day job."

Best wishes for more challenge in your life!

Kriston's right on (as usual ); I don't think it's uncommon to find that you need to keep pushing the envelope in whatever context works for you. I'm writing again, too, because you do need to do something that stretches you; even when I was working, if it was a semester with courses I'd taught lots of times before and I didn't have any research projects on the go, I found I needed something else--I did a lot of crafts, I'd pick sort of weird topics and go find out everything I could about them (Frenchie still laughs about my "cows" semester), or whatever.

I think, too, that it is not rare for an avocation to become a vocation, so maybe if you follow some passions in your off-hours, you might find that they lead you into a new kind of work, too.

Good luck!

minnie

That first year especially was like a root canal! I was just watching some home movies when first DD was a baby. What a yawner!

This has been a journey personally for me as well Ms. Friz. I grew up in a very gifted denial family and just assumed that there must be something very wrong with me!


I like Kriston's ideas. Someone once told me if your morning shower took more than 10 minutes, it was time to start looking for a different job.

Perhaps you can find a way to make a short term change while working on a long term solution like going back to class in the evening to pursue another degree or something....

It's not that I'm right a lot; it's just that I post first a lot!

But sagacity and celerity are not mutually exclusive! <grins>

Maybe not, but it means that a lot more people agree with you since you said it first. The impression is that "Oh, she's right a lot," when really she just writes a lot.

Yes, I think Kriston's advice is probably right on the mark, or at least I hope it is, because I've already taken some steps in that direction out of sheer desperation. A couple of weeks ago, when I really thought I would snap, I contacted a refugee resettlement organization to inquire about volunteer opportunities. I worked with refugees in the past, loved the experience, and miss it terribly. Maybe if I can just keep a foot in that world, it will make my day job more bearable. Hard part is finding time to volunteer while working full time and raising a GT boy. I know I'll be a better parent though, if my own needs are fulfilled. In any case, it's increasingly clear to me that SOMETHING's got to change.

Thanks

Hi MsFriz,

Your post hit home for me. I too was in a GT denial zone for my childhood. And while reading through the Ruf book I realized how much my denial affected my education through grade school. Talking to my Mom she informed me that I was the kid that was off the charts in the tests but of course was in the middle of the stats for my class b/c I was under the radar and could have cared less about school. When I did go off the college it was a different story and though my degrees were in Art History and Studio Art I found myself in the corporate world of technology and rose in the ranks extremely quickly to become a network engineer in a matter of 6 months.

I hated the corporate world. I was good nay brilliant at it. I had a career that most people would dream of. To give U an idea: Next time you take a flight and you have the TV, internet, etc at your finger tips... yep I was a part of that by consulting with a major airplane manufacturer. Later I consulted with some state governments and use to be amazed at how something that took me 10 minutes to do took someone else literally 2 weeks to accomplish. As I write this I realize that it sound like I am so full of myself but I promise you I am not making anything up. And I could go on and on but I think you get what I am saying. Why did I go down this path? B/c as far as corporate careers go mine was great: supposedly. But I hated it since I was always bored. There was no intellectual stimulation. So I completely understand what you are saying. I finally decided I needed more stimulation so I walked away from it thanks to the support of my husband. I was able to go back to school and he encourages me to stay in school as long as I want, but school is not real life and you have to find other things to take place of that stimulation. My thing that helps is my art. Right now I am focused on photography and it helps. I have also become more active in community work and found myself touched by refugee issues, specifically those in the African civil wars. So I have been involved in some of the community discussions but have not completely jumped into the arena at this point. So be it in the corporate world or SAHM or whatever... you still have a void that I for one have not been completely able to fill.

Ms. Friz, I have definitely been in that position, bored to tears, but fortunately I wasn't as aware as you are now
I wonder if there is career counseling that would work for you - round some of the corners off your perfectionist side? Possibly make you more appealing to hiring folks (if that is ever an issue, I know it is for my dh). Work on that resume to make it *glow* rather than just-the-facts-ma'am. Again, thinking dh here...
I got into technology about 10 years ago after finding that a career in art was not going to be nearly lucrative enough, having just decided I wanted a real family with my dh. DH has also taken this route, I have risen relatively quickly to a great fun job, subbing for a very large company which is known worldwide for picking extremely bright competent employees, so the environment is sprinkled with folks who *get* me and can keep up in meetings when I am on a roll.
Dh took more time getting into tech., has had a slower start out of the gate, but the ball finally seems to be rolling pretty well for him too. I think the difference between his career rate of improvement and mine is that he tends to, ahem, speak his mind, speak in extreme detail, write his resume like he is Spock, no flourish, no emotion, no excitement (well, not much anyway). He has a tendency to assume he needs to stay somewhere an alloted amount of time, play by the rules.
One career tip I read a few years back which has been really really freeing, and is recommended especially for women: Quit your job. Quit early and often!
I have found that this has made a world of difference in my level of job satisfaction and pay. I don't think I am one of the women in the world earning 56% compared to men in the same field (or whatever that appalling figure is).

Ok, so that advice has to be tempered against your budget, savings and job prospects at the moment. But you need to put yourself out there. Obviously from your post you have a "teacher who just doesn't get you" - your boss. Post your resume where ever you think appropriate - let technology help you, even if you are not in the field. Monster is good, Dice.com is great for tech jobs.
Heck, Craigslist is pretty awesome for some of the most unusual work you can find.

The part about quitting often that is really working for me is that I find I can suck in everything about a job in about 1/10th the time it will take a similarly trained and positioned colleague so if I find I have 'had it', something new is usually just the ticket.

One other suggestion: think tank.

Good luck!