Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Adults who were accelerated themselves?

Hi...I've got to be thinking new solutions for my ds6, who's completely melting down in his first grade class. It sounds as if a lot of you are happy with your kids' grade skips. My family and friends seem to have had a different experience, so the idea makes me awfully nervous. I know this is anecdotal, and very likely an accident of the people I know. So I would love to hear from people who were grade skipped themselves, especially people who were happy about it. Looking back, what were the pros and cons? Things you wish had been done differently? Ages at which it worked better or worse for you (particularly what puberty was like, how much that mattered)? I'd appreciate anything anyone's willing to share, to broaden my perspective on acceleration as I try to figure out what to do/ask for with my son.

thank you!

I only have a few seconds and I have chimed in before. I am one those who was skipped and did not like it. The skip occured because my 1st grade teacher did not want to deal with a child who could already read. My parents were given veto power and they did not veto it. I was not seriously consulted. I had very good friends in my class and was very happy in my where I was. I did not understand the ramifications of the skip and accepted the offer only because I was flattered. As I said, it did not go well for me.

In retrospect, had I been unhappy with my class placement (which may have happened had I stayed with the class longer), had the skip been a move made for my sake rather than the convenience of the teacher, had there been preparation, monitoring, and support through the process, it might have gone differently.

We accelerated our son this year and it was not really what we wanted. He skipped 2nd this year.

My family and some friends said.... don't do it! We really didn't want to, but the alternative was far worst. Having him sit through 2nd grade with kids who need the class to go slower then normal. His school and our district is behind the national average, the kids don't score as well on the standardized tests..... our district was ranked 48th in the region out of a possible 50. We are in one of the largest districts in the area.

He works on a 5th grade level fairly consistently. The school was not able to offer any plan for 2nd grade.

Out of all the options, it was the least- worst.

But if the school could have come up with a plan.... we wouldn't have done it. If there was some promise that he would be in a better position.... we would have left him there. But there was nothing.

So - we skipped him. And it is not perfect, we aren't thrilled. And I question whether we did the right thing...... But I do know it is somewhat more challenging. Socially it's not good. He doesn't really like most of the kids. There are a few kids he gets along with, but for the most part it isn't a great situation.

We are looking at a private school and if it all works out, it won't be perfect.... but I have decided to stop second guessing myself, and go with what's in my gut. At least the kids at the private school will be more like my son, ahead of the game. But if we move him there there are not guarantees it will work out.

There is no perfect answer. If it doesn't work well keep looking till we find something.

I skipped two grades, Kindergarten and 5th. I didn't mind being younger than my classmates and in retrospect it was probably a better choice than remaining with my age peers. I graduated valedictorian and started college at 16.

My sister skipped a grade but had a harder time. One difference is that my skips were into new schools but her skip was at the same school.

I'm looking at grade skipping/early entrance for my daughters. I see it as a "least bad option." I'll try to do it so it happens with a transition to a new school.

I was placed with agemates all through grade school. I felt like a freak, my self-esteem was terrible. When we moved, I had an opportunity to skip 7th grade and attend a GT school. I was afraid and reluctant to do it, but my parents had me test anyway.

I was accepted and attended that school for three years until we had to move again. It was the best thing that happened to me until college

After our second move, I went to a regular public highschool. There were a few snafus with getting proper class placements, but I was only there for two years.

My DS was accelerated from PreK to K (private school) when he turned 4. It didn't work out well because the teacher sabotaged the skip. He went to K again at the public school and was accelerated to 1st in the spring with excellent results. He is now happily attending 2nd grade.

From my experience, I would say that it is crucial to consider the circumstances that the child will be skipping into. What is that group of kids like? What are the teachers' attitudes? What will the curriculum be like? The initial months of a skip are an important adjustment period. If all goes well, the child will feel successful in his classwork, and accepted by the teacher and other students.

In 7th grade, I marched into my counselor's office and demanded class-by-class acceleration.

I was much happier. I was a social pariah before AND after, but I did make friends in both grades and had a great time.

I did not plan for what do at when I ran out of class. I took lots of electives sr year!

bk1

Thanks for this thread, montana. We're dealing with the same issue right now with our DD. I have a few friends who were skipped and they say it wasn't a great experience for them, mainly once they reached high school. Both of them feel being younger contributed to them making poor decisions and giving in to social pressure. That's just how they feel, though.

I wasn't skipped and neither was my DH, though he definitely should have been and I probably should have been. He was given math textbooks to work through alone in middle school, and he was pretty miserable until he got to high school coursework. I never learned any work ethic and definitely went "underground" until college and law school, though AP classes did perk me up quite a bit in high school.

Our DD6 doesn't seem to want to go to 2nd grade right now, mainly because she has a few friends in her 1st grade class and she's heard that there are fights in 2nd grade. She says it sounds scary. I will say, though, as you likely know, the research overwhelmingly supports acceleration as a good option for gifted kids. That's what's changed our minds. A little over a year ago we said that we'd never grade skip our kids; we should have known that in parenting, never say never. I had learned that principle about sippy cups, bedtimes, pull ups and other things. I guess we'd gotten too big for our parenting britches.

I'm interested to hear about others' experiences. Thanks for starting this thread.

Both my older sister and I skipped second grade.

It was truly, honestly never ever an issue for me. I was average sized, on the shorter size (I'm 5'3" as am adult), neither the shortest nor tallest before or after the skip. Age wasn't a problem -- the only time it really came up was in foreign language class (when we learned to say our ages) and occasionally at birthday time. I have a March birthday in a September cutoff state, so I was already young for grade, but it wasn't an issue. I had friends in my grade, and friends older than me, but kids in my "regular" grade seemed painfully young--I rarely ever socialized with kids in the grades below me.

I got my drivers license at the end of my junior year -- just got friends to drive me around until then. Went to college at 17 and had no problems there. I started dating at 15, as a sophomore, but was interested as a 13yo freshman. I don't think the skip had much effect on my behavior in that respect. I made my fair share of missteps like any teenager; I just had an extra year to make up for them.

In retrospect, I needed more acceleration, but the year I had certainly helped. I was much better placed after the skip than before. The teacher whose class I skipped into was against the idea to start but she quickly saw that I was ready for the move, and she changed her mind quickly.

I have a PG+ cousin who was given subject acceleration but no outright skips. He got to our state's flagship university and completely floundered -- he had no idea how to study, regulate his time, etc. In retrospect, he says, he'd rather have tried acceleration to try for more real peers, apripriate work, etc. That's an anecdote, but a real-live one.

Good luck. It's a completely individual call, and your milage may vary.

I was subject accelerated by 2 years in reading starting on my first day of K, though never given a full grade skip. It was a very good situation for me--though for kids with transition issues or who don't have a strong sense of self-confidence, it might not be something I'd recommend. For me, it wasn't perfect, but it was WAY better than doing nothing and staying at grade level. I do go back and forth about whether I would have done better if I had been grade skipped or if the subject acceleration was the best thing for me.

I was clearly marked as different, but that never bothered me. I had friends in my grade, the grade above me (because we shared recess time), and two grades up. I think I fit in pretty well everywhere. I graduated second in my class of 400+ in high school and went to dances and movies and ballgames, played sports, acted in plays, etc.

My biggest complaints with how things went are perfectionism-related: I think I defined myself by my achievements more than other people around me and I don't think I learned to work on things that are hard for me. The first really tough class I had was Advanced Math (pre-calc) during my junior year of high school. I got a B+ and verged into suicidal territory for the only time in my life. I felt lost--if I wasn't a straight-A student, then who was I? I don't think kids should feel that they = their report cards. Perfectionism at its worst...

I can't help wondering if a grade skip might have given me more chances for real challenge.

Finally, may I add that I think these anecdotes are really hard to use in any constructive way for your purposes, Montana. I mean, who's to say that the people who had lousy times with grades skips wouldn't have been *worse off* without them? Or that I wouldn't have been worse off if I *had* gotten a grade skip?

We don't have a good control there, really, because what works great for one kid is awful for another, and each kid only gets to try life one way. Pretty faulty hindsight there...and adolescence is generally a crummy experience for kids, skipped or no!

I think the best thing to do is look at the potential pitfalls and benefits to *YOUR* child in his specific situation--which is very different from the situation of anyone else!--regardless of all the stories. If the stories help you to think more clearly about your particular child's needs, then fine. But if they scare you away from a skip (or push you to skip, for that matter!) in a way that isn't directly relevant to your child's experience and, therefore, is not productive to your thought process, then I'd say drop it. Focus on your child and your decision. All the rest isn't really relevant, IMHO.

I skipped grade 4, in an organized acceleration. It was never an issue, I am a female and people say it is harder for boys. I do not know. I do not know any problems for the boys that skipped with me.

Although I didn't get a driver's license until grade twelve (june birthday), and had skipped another year in high school, that part didn't really bother me. I don't think I could have dealt with staying behind and having the curriculum slower. It was hard enough as it was. By grade nine I tested in the top tier of the high school in math. There wasn't any challenge. Teachers dealt with me in that I didn't have to come to class and I missed 56 days in grade nine (my history teacher kept track). Socially it probably is harder for a boy. But my mother wouldn't let me date until I was 16. And that was hard, but I dealt with it. It didn't scar me for life. And it won't scar a boy, except I do see a lot of nerdy "boys" who couldn't get the girl in high school have serious complexes. They make millions and have relationship issues.

That was anecdotal, but being a young woman on Wall Street, I dated a lot of those. There is one famous guy... tales out of school. But I think that is an issue for boys. They make money but never trust the girl likes them for them. I am being very serious about that. But I think that is better than having them underchallenged and underachieving.

Take your pick on the lessor of evils.

Ren