Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Legality of keeping child home from public school

Hello all...

I've got a brewing crisis on my hands. I've been trying to get my ds6 evaluated so we have leverage with the school since AUGUST, it's taking SO LONG to do I want to scream. And my son is decompensating. He's gone from unhappy and upset to telling me he can't handle it any more, and I've seen that it's a genuine anguish when he's telling me that but then he'd go on to other things and feel better, but tonight he just melted down. And for the first time I thought, he may really not be able to handle it. He says he's so worried and scared about school that he feels sick. He can't describe what feels sick or wrong, he just feels sick. He's scared he's getting in trouble for trying to work ahead (he is), he's worried that he can't handle it even one more day.

My instinct - which I'm pretty sure my dh is not going to share - is to pull him at least for a few days to let the situation settle a bit. I think it was provoked tonight by his dad finally teaching him fractions, so he got to do all this fun mental math, adding fifths to halves and 3rds to quarters and all that sort of thing, and then had to get ready for bed and school tomorrow.

We're in the midst of this eval, and the psychologist strongly wants us not to talk about results until she's done all the different kinds of tests, including the classroom eval the school is stonewalling on. And she strongly strongly urges we not say 'gifted' or demand any kind of change until we have her eval. My hands are so tied for like a month or more, and I can't take it, b/c my son can't.

So I'm wanting to know, if I keep him home to buy him some psychological relief - I mean, I think the kid may be literally starting to have anxiety attacks - do I run up on truancy laws? (I know state matters...I'm in CT) But I have no idea what the consequences might be. Does it wreck his school record? Does this matter in first grade? Do I tell the school why? Would they call social services on me or do I have the right to keep my kid home? Would that make them think he was mentally ill or something?

If any of you have done something similar as well, I'd like to know. It would feel like jumping off a cliff without a rope to keep him home not knowing how or when to send him back! I kind of want to keep him and tell the school he's being seriously harmed by the situation and he won't be coming back until there are enough changes that he can handle being there, but that sounds so aggressive. How unreasonable would that be? Given that the first-order things he'd need changed would be to be allowed to start working on worksheets without waiting for instruction, to be allowed to work ahead at least on his own materials, to be allowed to check out books from a higher grade in the library, and to read them in his free time. Currently his teacher 'forbids' all these things b/c he is 'spoiling things' by trying to do this work.

any advice would be most gratefully received!

I am sorry to hear that things are getting worse. I would pull him out for at least a few days. You can always say that he is sick, you don't have to add that he is sick of school Research the subject in the meantime, but chances are you may run into problems with the CT law.

You may want to approach the school as a parent who is seriously worried about your child emotional well being. That may work better than saying, "My son is gifted what will you do about it?" Unfortunately there are children who get anxious or depressed due to a bad school placement

oh, I so feel for you! I'm in Washington State and so can't speak to the CT law, as the emotional pain, it sounds VERY FAMILIAR. Our son was 8, in 2nd grade, and also said he just couldn't do it anymore.

Our solution was pretty radical - there is an alternative public school 25 miles from us which is set up to provide "enrichment" courses for homeschooling families. We pulled him from 2nd grade that very week and haven't gone back.

There ARE no gifted programs in our school district, so we didn't bang our head too much because of that.

DO WHAT FEELS BEST FOR YOUR SON! I know you know that but I want to add my total support for this. Our son was literally twitching and chewing on himself and when we listened to him it was incredibly important for his self-concept. It took a few months actually, but then he was back to his sunny, eager self.

You are the best mom for your son and I wish you all all all the best. It's heartbreaking seeing your child in mental anguish.

YES to the "he's home sick" suggestion. Sounds like he really needs a break

It is perfectly legal to keep your child home from school if he or she needs a break. I think you just need to write a note or make a call, right?

If you decide to keep him home long-term, the only thing you need to do in CT is write a letter of withdrawal to your school's principal (sent return receipt requested). You don't need permission. You don't need to give a reason.

Chin up!

Kate

Yes, by all means keep him home! If he is feeling psychologically unwell, then he is unwell! (although if the one piece he is missing is the classroom observation I imagine keeping him home will delay results even more.)

If you decide to give up on the schools evaluator, I will also recommend the Yale Child Study Center in CT - I was shocked at how fast we were able to get testing done for our daughter - but I will warn you that it costs an absolute fortune.

Definitely you can call in sick! If you want to keep him home more than a couple of days, though, I think you're going to have to deal with the problem sooner rather than later. I can't imagine waiting a month under those circumstances!

Have you told the psych how bad off your son is? I can't believe she'd want you to wait given what you just told us!

Are you considering homeschooling or are you just looking for a break for him? Homeschooling you can do. Taking him out of school for a month without declaring yourselves homeschoolers is probably going to be a lot more tricky. You would be breaking the law, and if he's out a month, they would investigate, I'd imagine...

I guess I'd recommend giving your DS a mental health day or two and using that time to figure out what you want to do. But it's clear to me that you cannot wait a whole month before you start advocating. This is not a minor issue, it's an urgent problem that needs immediate attention. Honestly, if you're at this point:


then I think you have to start advocating now. Today. And pretty strongly. I wouldn't recommend going in with what you wrote there, but it does say to me that he needs changes, and you have to ask for them NOW!

I know it's hard, but try to follow the psych's advice. She may be guiding you this way because she has had dealings with the school before in terms of gifted children?

Depending on the school district, there can be a lot of politics.

I agree about keeping him home a few days or so, and yes, I don't think there is any reason you can't say he is sick.

I would call your state rep's office or over to the state board of ed and find out all the pertinent facts.

I found out all kinds of great stuff for our state. Like, a child can't even be considered truant here until they are seven! If you lived by me you could take him out as many days as you like and that's that. You might get a bad mommy letter, but realistically, they can't do anything about it.

You really do need to start researching. While it IS true, kids/families can get "blacklisted", I've rarely seen it happen. Please do not let fear of retaliation prevent you from making the desicions you need to make for DS.

Do, play nice, though. If things get really bad, call the psych and let her know what's going on. Perhaps she can speed up the process with the school eval/visit.

Hang in there.

Yeah, I'd be pushing for speed from the psych.

And checking the law is smart. If he doesn't have to be there, then you CAN take him out. Good call, 'Neato!

I shouldn't tell y'all this, but I will.

Once I took both girls out of school for a "mental health" day. I left the reason as "going out of town". So I made sure that I took them to the grocery store............in the next town!

Kriston, I think I told you that one already.

Neato, u are right abt politics!

When the sch psych first knew and confirmed DS8's "gifts", he was so excited. He had plans for DS and advocating for him. After awhile (> a month) , it seemed like nothing was going on... totally no news. I dropped him a casual email and we met up. This time, he told me the truth. The reaction he got from pple he has talked to (P, homeroom teacher, middle and high sch teachers- to get ideas) was less than enthusiastic. Some even concluded that I must be hot-housing DS!

I am not sure abt what's avail in the States. I am sure you will get your support and advise here.