Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy DS4 telling teacher he's "so smart"

Hi SPG. I just wanted to share my DS7's TK/4y preschool experience. He missed the state cutoff for KG by 2 months so he attend TK/4 yr preschool. It was a nightmare. There is still residual damage from that year. Just a few months ago he told me that in TK he never got to be calendar helper or line leader. He is in 2nd grade now and the fact that he still remembers TK - 3 years ago, is disturbing. He was the only one reading when he entered and the only reading when he "graduated." It was an age appropriate TK in that all the kids missed the cutoff and turned 5 within 3 months of the cutoff. The teacher would claim he would brag that he was smarter than the other kids, that he would ask too many questions during story time and that he liked to "show off." Admittedly, these were all red flags that I discovered 2 months into the program in the Fall. We had planned a family trip out of the country for 2 months so after I discovered all of this, he was removed from the situation. Alas, I reenrolled him when we returned and the problems persisted (I had a younger child so I was overwhelmed with the thought of keeping him entertained every day). The teacher even had the kids go on a field trip and I didn't received the information so I ended up driving him to the field trip location rather than going with his class. Anyway, for us: Big Mistake. I should've pulled him. If you get any other red flags, pls consider taking him out. The damage from that school year took at least KG and 1st grade to repair. JMHO... Good luck.

Do you have a park district that offers classes? Or the Y?

I agree that pre-school is not always needed. I like park and Y classes because it gives kids a lot of the things pre-school does. Social opportunities, learning to take direction from teacher, sports, skills, etc.

But because the classes only last around 6 weeks, then you get to change to something new, I think it's a good choice for the child who masters things easily then wants to move on.

That's a tough one. My DS4 hasn't started that...but what annoys me is that other people tell him he is "so smart" all the time. Not that it is a secret..but there are other things they could say and it is just too much. When someone says "you're so smart" his typical response is to say in a matter-of-fact way, "yes, I am smart." So we have been working on saying thank you instead. He isn't being arrogant, just agreeing with them. I am betting at this age it is just something most of them say because it's a true fact and they have heard it a million times.

In our experience, true challenge negates DS7's desire/need to announce how smart he is.

In K, when he had a teacher who challenged him, DS7 didn't brag (to anyone). In 1st grade, when there was no differentiation and a teacher who didn't "get" him, DS7 talked a lot about how he was the smartest boy in the class...to everyone. I was appalled.

Because the fit was so bad in 1st grade, we started homeschooling, and the bragging stopped immediately once I gave him challenging work. Even when he plays with the very same kids that he played with last year at school, and even though he knows that the reason we're homeschooling is because he is bright, he doesn't feel the need to talk about his intelligence at all.

Coincidence? I think not!

well, we had this issue..... you know when they realize they are smart and then there heads stop fitting though the door......

we have a saying in our house.... (we have a lot of sayings)

"Smarter isn't better it's just smarter"

My DH uncle is Mentally retarded... and so we use him as an example.... pointing out what a good person he is, all the good and thoughtful stuff he does for other people and how fun he is to be around.

It's what you do with what ya got that counts!

I've mentioned this here before, but I think it bears repeating...

When my GT sister and I were growing up, my mom always told us, "It's nice to be smart, but it's smart to be nice." I now use this with my own kids just as religiously as my mom used it with us.

It's true, and it's catchy!

.....You can just feel the love and enthusiasm for this project!



ROFL.

DS is now 13 and what is really funny is how attached he as become to this gory picture. I tried to not put it up last year and he had a fit. "Mom" he said "It just wouldn't be Easter without the bloody bunny." I guess he is a sentimental guy!

Maybe it's time for that Monty Python skit...

1) You have to 'tell' him with experiences, not with words. 1000 perfect words will not convince a bright kid who is forced to spend his time doing activities that are below his or her developmental readiness level surrounded by ND kids who are happy and obedient and getting praised for their behavior that he is not 'different.' And of course that obnoxious big head behavior is half just innocent observation and half an agressive reaction to his difference. Afterall, all the ND kids are being praised for their complacency in tasks that it would be dangerous for him to complacently accept.

2) 4 is much too young to make a chld go through any kind of 'getting along' for the sake of getting along beyond 'no hitting, no mean words, take turns, share, help mommy.' That's it. No more is needed.

I would strongly reccomend that you set up time to observe the classroom and see what is going on there. If it's just that he doesn't like crafts, then you can enterain the idea of keeping him there. I would guess that almost NO ND 4 year olds hate preschool. Preschool is set up so that there are lots and lots of fun things for Normally Developing 4 year olds to do. Teenagers might say they hate school, but it's really unusual before that age. Perhaps a painfully shy kid might hate school, but if a little one is saying that they hate school, this is unusual, really unusual.

It's really really hard to imagine how far out of the norm our kids can be. When my DS12 was 3 he hated daycare. Why? Because he only wanted to use the lego station, and would wait his turn, for several hours a day, doing nothing but waiting his turn. I had no idea that this wasn't normal behavior, afterall, my DS had slowly been wearing me down for the last 3 years. I never imagined that a system which was designed to be fun for 3 year olds wouldn't be fun for him. We tried to convinse him that he should do his 'second-favorite thing' some of the time. I don't even remember if that worked, but I doubt it. DS just learned to stop complaining. Our family really needed him to be in care at the time, I was working and exhausted, and we had no idea why he was so unusual. I didn't get the gifted thing until he was 7 years old. It was a long strange stretch. Looking back, if we had been able to suggest moving him to the next older group, I think it would have solved his problems. Who knows if it would have created other problems?

Anyway - The majority of Preschools have books with lists that match up toys and activities to various ages. The teachers are trained to make 1-1 corespondences between age and 'what the child needs.' I tended to look at them as the experts on kids. As skilled and experienced as they are, there is a whole world that they don't even see.

Love and More Love,
Grinity