Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Parents of GT kids are isolated, too

For those not on TAGFAM, where this link was posted, I thought you might find it interesting:

"One of the things that we found was that the isolation of the parents almost parallels the isolation of the kids," Professor Gross said. "Many parents said, 'We can't speak about our child because people think you're boasting.'"

http://www.smh.com.au/news/parentin...-isolation/2008/10/18/1223750400724.html

That is so true. I'm glad I have this message board! Otherwise, I would be going crazy not having anyone to talk to.

Oh yes, this is so true. I try not to talk about DS6 abilities too much. My friends know that he is gt. Things like that become quite obvious after a while. What's becoming an issue now is DS4. While it's pretty much accepted that DS6 can do lots of things better than his 6 year old friends, it may be really hard for my friends to accept that DS4 can do a few things better than their 6 year olds.

I have a question about DYS and gt groups. If you are a member of gt community do you talk about your child being YS? Is it something which is OK with parents of MG children? I haven't really got into this situation yet. My IRL friends are either old friends who I haven't known since DS6 was little or in preschool or parents of HG+ children. I am about to venture into more regular gt community and I could use some advice.

That is interesting.
I am definitely selective with whom I discuss things; I know just a couple of people who also have gt kids that I am comfortable bouncing ideas or stories off.

I think I still have my own isolation issues from way back which haven't entirely worn off...

Wow! This idea really resonates with me.

I think this is an especially strong experience among parents who were "smart kids." The social isolation and subtle ridicule of being different from the rest of the group is experienced all over again. Worse yet, this time it's happening to your child and you may not know how to protect him.

The hesitancy to talk about the most important thing in one's life -- one's children and family -- leads to every social relationship being shallow or narrow.

How very sad.

Unless I think the child is a candidate for DYS, I usually keep my mouth shut about the program. It doesn't seem to serve any purpose to discuss it. MG kids are really, really smart, too, so why make it seem like an us-and-them thing?

When we were going to the Summit this past summer, I just told people who asked that DS7 had a summer camp-type thing to attend.

I have suggested that one friend look into DYS for her daughter. She's in 3rd grade and reading at a 12th grade level, so I strongly suspect she'd qualify! Fingers crossed for her!

The family has two girls who are close in age to my two boys and who are interested in many of the same things as my boys. It's a match made in heaven! We had a playdate with no problems, no tattling, no unhappy kids--not for a second. Bliss! I'd really love for the family to get into DYS!

Exactly - when I became a Mom, it gave me something in common with the 'big club' of women who have Mommed. It really helped me deal with the old isolation issues - until DS got to school age - since then there has been a pull back to that narrow place!

Particularly when the school-folks started letting me know that my son's struggles were 'really understandable since I was an older mom, of an only child, and a career-girl too' - I guess I'd call it false sympathy when you get totally blamed in a kind voice.

So Amazing that you are all here with me now!
((shrugs))
Grinity

I agree. Given the choice between being alone and silent and being looked at like I'm nutty or horrible, I pick silent.

(Hard to believe, I know... )

I think I got the message


Hmm. What makes you think we would find it hard to believe? LOL

I think it comes down to a "trump". I mean, I'm in the lucky position of having friends who know me, know DS, and know we're not obnoxious snots who just like to hear ourselves talk... but still you can't just jump into a conversation with something quite that "out there". Not because it isn't "done" but because part of the bragging that parents do among friends is in a spirit of a very minor one-upping -- not in a hurtful way, just in a "oh I know just what you're talking about, you won't believe what __ did last week that was even more of that", and everyone feels like they have something in common and everyone can contribute their own stories. But if you come in with a blow-everyone-else-out-of-the-water kind of thing, it just shuts it all down.

So even when you're "allowed" to brag, you're not. But I don't think it's always anti-intellectualism, just lack of common ground. kwim? And double-uncomfortable because it's more or less "invisible"... People make assumptions about you and your kid based on age (or height... *sigh*) and then you're stuck having to either play along or correct them... neither of which is very pleasant.... but I think it's probably a lot like the conversational dance that homeschoolers go through trying to figure out if the homeschooler they just met is religious or secular, unschooler or textbook, etc. I find the "bristling" feeling at an incorrect guess is very similar, and the isolation when you find out you're "not one of them" and the conversation fizzles.