Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums question about almost 2 year old...

My first marriage was at age 19 and my daughter from that marriage is 18 years older than my son from my second marriage. Even with the age difference, and living in different states, they are closer than I would have ever believed possible. My daughter talks more to him than she does me. She calls him several times a day and the time they spend talking adds up to more than an hour a day. He listens patiently while she talks and they give each other advice. She says talking to him is like talking to one of her friends and that he is more like an adult than a kid. She says he understands things that her boyfriend just doesn't get.

They recently talked about how they seem to have gotten two very different mothers. My daughter got the young, happier, more confident, slightly more optimistic mom. My poor son got the older, sad, cynical, pessimistic and anxiety-ridden mom who occasionally snaps because of the need for constant interaction when I am in the middle of a stress storm.

I am so glad that they have each other, but sometimes I think I should have had another child closer to my son's age. I was afraid to try again, partly because of his difficult birth and the colic and not enough sleep. I think things might have been easier for him if he had a sibling at home with him. Now that his friends have gone back to school, I think he must be lonely sometimes. For a while we talked about becoming foster parents and possibly adopting. He liked this idea because he said he could help teach a younger child, but we can't right now because of other family responsibilities.

Barbara, I agree that if you already wanted to have more than one child (or if the second was a surprise that you embraced) then it can be a real joy to watch the children grow together and discover the world together. But I guess I wouldn't have a second child primarily for the sake of the first one.

I am one of those tired older parents, but I relish all the extra time I have interacting with my only child. I wouldn't want to have to share him :-)

And, I will also add, that not all of the ways in which GT sibs interact and entertain each other are good or healthy. I know many situations where the sibling thing squelched rather than nourished the children's gifts. So, yes, having GT siblings can be great, but nothing in parenting comes with guarantees and if it doesn't work out, you really can't return them. LOL.

Well, as an older parent of 4 twice exceptional kids (13b, 15b, 17g, 19g) I have to say I would only have them in pairs. It is much easier to throw things their way and have them figure out what to do with it together, than have me run over there and give praise and suggest ideas.

I did this with my first and third, and I know if I were to get pregnant now, and I have a second on the way a year or so afterward. From our experience, it is much less exhausting and the blessings of their relationships toward each other are endless.

Three years apart has been just lovely for us. DH and his brother were three years apart, and that was great for them, too. They've always gotten along well. It's far enough apart that the "baby" doesn't really expect to do with the big guy does, but it's close enough that he can keep up and they can play together. My sister and I were roughly 1.5y apart, and I think we'd both say that it was too close. We've always had an extreme relationship: either best friends or worst enemies--no in between. It's hard.

However, I will also note that DH and I wanted two kids even before we were married, so for us, the choice was "how close to space them," not so much "should we have another for the sake of the first." On that aspect, I'm with acs: I think the choice to have or not have a second child should be a decision based on many factors, not one made primarily for the sake of the older sibling.

Lori - I'm new here, but I wanted to say I laughed when I read your post because it hit close to home! I didn't have a child early, but I had one just before I turned 40 and I just shake my head at how tired and cranky I am. I often think, "I should be a grandmother - what am I doing with a toddler?" LOL! There seems to be some divine plan to everything, and having an older sibling I'm sure is one of those wonderful gifts your son got that your daughter didn't get.

Significantly older siblings are like "middle management," in that they can help interpret the voice and behavior of the parents. You'll probably never know how great your son really has it.


P.S. I love this thread.