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Hi Trinity and acs,

I appreciate both your ideas. I would definitely love a second child. However, my husband and I are older parents and after several miscarriages, failed fertility treatments, a very difficult pregnancy with doctor's advice of termination, I think that attempting to have a second child would be very selfish indeed. Having Jon at all is already a huge miracle.

I would still love to hear if there is anyone who has similar problems with their gifted toddlers and how are you addressing these issues? Does anyone know of a psychologist who is experienced with gifted children in Southern California?

Thanks again.

Jon's mom

Acs -
Thanks you so much for posting. You said what you have seen beautifully, and I agree with you. I also agree with what I was trying to say in my post, although I'm still looking for better ways to express it. I hope you won't mind if I start a seprate topic on this very important, and difficult to talk about subject.

Jon's Mom -
I see what I can find.
Thanks so much for posting.
Trinity

Jon's mom,
((hugs and tears))
Oh my dear, you have been through so much. You had to work so hard to bring Jon here. ((tears and pats))
Was this before Jon or since he's been with us?
((tears))
I feel sad that you have been though so much, and sorry that I brought up such a big topic so indelicately....

but here I go, indelicately charging ahead.

Because of my own history and because of the nature of giftedness itself, I can't seem to leave any stone unturned...and it is really hard on people, I know, but the ones who can take it find it very valuable. I'm guessing that you've read my old posts and know this about me by now. I'm guessing that for every new person who decides not to post because they don't want to hear me 'Trin-a-lize,' there will be someone who finally understands the battle that goes on inside their gifted child when the child feels compelled to do what they know is right, even when they know it can be painful to an other person - something that they don't want at all. I'm here shaking, with my fingers on the keyboard.
((bracing myself))

How much of Jon's anxieties are related to the reproductive history that surrounds him?

I find that with my DS11, he is so psychically tuned into to me, and me to him, that I really do have to "work on myself" to parent him the way I want to. The things you describe are mostly about not feeling safe in the world. Safety and Confidence are our natural state. It is very easy for this part of our nature to be hidden by the effects of hard times. Sharing the feeling that go along with these hard times restores our natural connection to Safety and Confidence. It always takes longer to do this than we would wish. Often, the hard times echo other unfaced hard times from our own childhood, or our parents' lives. It's a long road, but every step we take makes a huge difference in our daily lives.

How do you feel when you see Jon showing that he doesn't feel connected with his natural Safety and Confidence? How do you act? How does your DH feel and act? Journal, pray, talk and/or find an online support group for others who have been through similar. It is very unfortunate that you have had such hard times, but you are still completely able to make things go well for Jon. You can show him the way to trust in the universe.

I haven't seen much written about this. Sylvia Rimm has some thoughts on the mechanisms of how parenting a �miracle baby� can be tricky.

I try to follow my intuitions. Sometimes I land in the wrong pond. If this has nothing to do with your current situation, please accept my apologies. Sometimes I am posting for someone who hasn't even signed up yet, but is just silently reading along. That's why I didn't send you this in a private message, but do feel free to send me a private message if that feels more comfortable.

I care, and I intend for things to go well for you. Even if you do nothing, things will go well, but I totally understand wanting to make small shifts now to prevent having to make big course corrections later. Believe me, I am the Queen of �If I had only known then what I know now.�

Love and More Love,
Trinity

Hi Jon's mom,
Here are the resources from Hoagiesgifted.org at http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/psychologists.htm#uca

California
Barbara Klein, Ph.D., Los Angeles
phone: (310) 209-0515. e-mail: barbarak360@aol.com

Carolyn Light, Ph.D., R.N., San Diego
phone: (619) 981-9366. e-mail: carolynlight@san.rr.com

Esther Sinclair, Ph.D., UCLA
also experience with twice exceptional children; phone: (310) 825-0075. e-mail: esinclair@mednet

I don't know any of these folks personally, but I have read lots from Dr. Sinclair, and would probably start with her, or someone from her group.

Trinity

Hi Jon's mom,
here's National Organization for Gifted Childrens' version:

http://www.nagc.org/CMS400Min/index.aspx?id=965
How do I find a Professional?

Not all psychologists or evaluators are experienced with children of high ability. In fact, finding a psychologist who has expertise in evaluating gifted students (especially GT/LD or other dual exceptionalities) can be formidable, but it is essential. Professionals are generally more familiar with children who have developmental delays, and therefore use and interpret test results within that framework.

A good place to start is with your state affiliate (link) to see their suggested list of professional contacts and resources. If your state doesn't keep a list of professionals, consider extending your search to neighboring states.


More Information

"Frequently Asked Questions about Testing and Assessing Giftedness" by Kathi Kearney includes a list of questions to ask a potential examiner.

"Psychologists familiar with Testing the Gifted and Exceptionally Gifted" has additional resources, along with a list of psychologists by state ((LOL, they are sending you back to Hoagiesgifted.org))

Smiles,
Trin

My next stop is sengifted.org
Here is a link to their page of articles about the emotions of gifted kids. Interesting reading, but you may have to hunt around some to find what you are looking for:
http://www.sengifted.org/articles_social/index.shtml
http://www.sengifted.org/articles_counseling/index.shtml

I couldn't find any links to California professional on their site.
Trin

Hi Trin,

Thank you so much for all your help. Thank you especially for the kind words. There is no need to apologise. I don't mind talking about my story. Every tear we may have shed before has been completely wiped off when we miraculously had Jon. We were expecting a child with severe disabilities, we did not expect a child who is reading, writing at 3 and who adores Andrea Bocelli, Abba, disco music and reggaeton! We are absolutely loving every minute of parenthood...well, almost every minute.

I will check out all these resources. I am in desperate need of guidance. Thank you again.

Jon's mom

I just reread my description of growing up with a HG+ older brother and realized that I did not clarify that I was describing my experience as I perceived it *as a child*. I just thought how mortified he would be if he ever saw what I had written. He is a very kind soul and always meant well. But because he was so smart and so intense and yet a child, he did not always make decisions that were easy on us. At 8, he would have lacked the perspective to do what was developmentally appropriate for a 3 year old and 5 year old sister--he wanted us to be like him and not discover our own selves. But, I, at 3, knew he was perfect, so I worked very hard to please him.

It was hard on me, but I also wanted to make the point (which got lost somewhere in my whining) that it also made him grow up even faster since he had to take on more adult responsibilities and help out more, because he wanted to please my parents more. I know he loves us and is proud of us, but I always wondered if he would have been a bit happier without us.

LOL acs,
You brother perhaps would have been happier without you, but we, and many others, I am sure, would have been sadder! ((wink))
Trin

Help. I don't know what to do and I am panicking last minute! My son is starting kindergarten this year. He reads better then my 2nd grader, multiplies and I just taught him how to divide. He has been reading and writing since he was two. He was tested last year by the township school district, due to speech issues. They left the meeting, telling me that he will be certified for speech, but I need to meet with the gifted specialist.

After meeting with the teacher, I figured out that the school does not have any program for his age. The school understands that he is extremely gifted and they will watch him this year.... They stressed that kindergarten is for learning to draw! ( This is the best school district in southern NJ) Is there any programs in this area or school you can recommend. Help!