Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Your friends' reaction about your kids

My favorite comment was when I told a good friend about DS's scores in a general way and that we were applying to DYS: "You know, IQ scores don't mean anything and the next time he tests they could be a whole lot lower.".

hehehe...

Snarky reply: Oh my, you sound like you're speaking from personal experience!

Patronizing reply: Oh dear, those old wives tales are still going around.

Informative reply: That can be true, if the first test was done very young, but after 5-6 the results become relatively stable. There can be some variation but it's usually due to the person administering the test.

Short reply: hunh.

Daffy reply (to match a daffy remark): Have you ever read "Flowers for Algernon"? I think I'd be worried about the scores going down if DS had been on medication to increase his brain capacity, but since he did it all naturally I'm not too worried about him losing his capacity to learn. But "Flowers for Algernon" was a thought provoking book.

I feel fortunate that I haven't heard many negative comments from people about DS's gradeskip. Most people just seem curious. Maybe that's because around here most people feel that they are giving their kids an advantage by starting them in Kindergarten a year late. They just think I'm crazy--I don't think they're feeling threatened.

I've had two comments that I would consider negative:

Vice-principal: If it were my child, I wouldn't have him skip because he'll miss phonics and phonics is crucial.

I wanted to tell her that missing phonics was the point of skipping first grade, but instead I thanked her for her advice. I think she means well...

Another mom (of mg kids) was complaining to me about the curriculum and I asked her if she had considered a gradeskip for her DD. She replied, "I wouldn't do that to her!"

So now I know how she really feels... After she blurted that out she seemed to realize that she was implicitly criticizing our decision to skip DS and backpedalled a bit.

But mostly people just seem curious for a while and then the novelty wears off. People have pretty much stopped asking me about it now. I do still get occasional fishing questions like, "So, how is your DS doing in 2nd grade?" (Odd that they rarely ask about DD...) I've decided to just ignore the subtext there and answer the question at face value--just as I would if he had not skipped.

I think that's the way to go with an answer. I have fun with coming up with funny replies, but if someone asks how GS9 is doing in school, I tell them straight up. Of course, I think Grandma's are given some slack when talking about the grandkids. And I take full advantage, haha.

This happened to me again last night at Book Club. But I'm learning! We were discussing a book about a Down Syndrome child who was kept hidden and whose caregiver eventually fought to get her into school.

The conversation evolved into a discussion about "mainstreaming" kids with special needs into classrooms and the abundance of IEPs (individualized education plans) out there that teachers have to deal with these days. Finally, someone (former teacher married to a current high school teacher) made a joke about just waiting for the day when "gifted" kids would demand IEPs and there would be no student left without one.

I kept my mouth firmly closed. And then I went home and vented to my husband.

I keep getting caught in the

"How old is your DS?"
"5 1/2"
"Oh, so he just started Kindergarten!"

web. Since DS is usually with me when this happens, I feel like I can't lie and I have to tell them he's in second grade.

DH says I should just answer "How old is your DS?" with "He just started 2nd grade." And let them assume what they want. I've never been good at clever verbal responses, so it's good for me to have a plan.

I have an IRL friend who as she learned that we were considering a gifted school or a grade advancement has become almost resentful of DD. Of course she does not tell me directly, in fact she tries to speak good things about DD, but you can feel the wave of envy coming up. She now insists about her DS being interested by letters and writing them so neatly and how great his languages skills are.... and she throws some comments about DD like her Dutch is soooo bad or put a face of complete disgust when I told her that we settled for a grade skip.
Now I avoid talking any specific situation about the school, other to say that I like the teacher and so does DD and she likes it much more now.

I have the feeling that our friendship is not going to outlast further grade skips...

I wonder how that age/grade conversation feels to people whose kids have been held back a grade or who are in special ed. I think I will try to be more mindful of small talk that I make with people.

Actually, there's a very nice mom at DS4's pre-K who sells Usborne Books and is really interested in the financial issues surrounding homeschooling a GT kid. She initiates the conversation, and she's stopped me more than once to ask about it.

One big reason for her interest: she has a son in special ed who is now attending a special school--paid for by the state--and she can't seem to understand that NO ONE is paying ANYTHING for me to educate my GT child. She doesn't understand "unfunded mandate" within the schools. She doesn't get how there can be no money given to me by the schools to support my child. She doesn't understand how there can be not even so much as a tax break for me to write off the books and supplies that I buy.

She just looks perplexed, and says, "But...But how can that be? There's all this money for MY son, and your son needs special help, too! Why isn't he getting it?"

Needless to say, I LOVE this woman!

So there are certainly some parents of kids in need of special ed who are totally okay with the conversation. I know this woman gets it much better than some parents of GT kids, frankly!

This has been so interesting, I'm currently one of those new moms w/no one to talk to IRL. I look forward to getting more comfortable w/the reactions & responses.

Luckily, I haven't heard anything negative, maybe because I end up looking embarrassed when it comes up. DS's school has a HAL program (high ability learners) for some enrichments so people mostly ask why he didn't just join that. Well, he did in K and is still but needs more challenge. I tell them the school recommended a skip & that seems to satisfy most.