Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion I need a re-set. Any strategies/suggestions?

OK. I feel like I've had a bit of a kick up the butt today. Well deserved, mind you. I keep falling into the trap of thinking that I can outsource the girls' education, but I can't. The testing and advocacy has had me on an emotional rollercoaster for weeks, and all of our household routines, rituals, structure, etc. has gone out the window. So I need a re-set. In particular, the girls (7 and 4) are developing an extensive range of avoidance strategies to get out of work at school and at home. They've got their teachers wrapped around their little fingers at school, and when I try and do work with them at home they engage for 2 minutes before throwing a paddy (or using another technique to get out of learning). I need to nip this in the bud.

OK... so I'm looking for strategies, tips, advice, routines, rituals, structure, etc. anything that has helped you:

* re-set expectations;
* strategies that help children practice good learning behaviours;
* increase and enhance self-responsibility and self-regulation;
* sneaky ways of engaging the girls in learning without them necessarily knowing it (!)
*re-establishing nightly and morning routines

My ears are open...jojo

I am no expert, but have been dealing with the same thing with my son, 6 yrs old. He has been completely unable to concentrate on his homework (he says because it is boring & he already knows how to do it).

Last night, we tried something new & it worked great for him & me. He had spelling words, 11 words written 3 times each & a math paper. I had him do 3 words, 3 times each & then get up & go play for 5 minutes. Then, 3 more words, 3 times each & then 5 minutes of playtime, etc, until all work was finished.

Granted, it took 4 times longer to complete homework than it should, but it got done with no arguments & no complaining & we were both satisfied in the end.

He also likes me to set the timer on the table while he does his homework. He said that the ticking sound makes him remember that he needs to hurry & concentrate. He can set the timer for any amount of time he chooses. If it rings, he resets it and continues on. No consequences for being too slow.

2 things that work for my son & makes homework time more peaceful. I am hoping that soon he will be getting more challenging homework from the upper grades. Then we will see if he can stay focused when challenged.

Good luck to you!!

I do that time-on/time-off thing with room-cleaning, too, floridamom. Short bursts of work mixed with short "relax" times. It seems to work well with my kids as well.

I like the timer idea--no pressure, just a reminder. Hmmm...Thanks for that!

The other thing we do is have "house rules." Everyone eats a "no thank you bite" of everything, even guests. (One neighbor boy eats stuff over here without complaint that his mom can't even believe! ) But there's no arguing with a shrug and a calm statement of "It's the house rule." Even adults have to follow them. No discussion, no debate. No engagement on the topic whatsoever. Just say "It's the house rule" if they don't hop to it immediately.

It helps if you have some fun or funny house rules, too, so that following the rules isn't so painful. "Everyone must be dressed before coming to the breakfast table" might go better if it's paired with "and they must walk backwards to the table" or something like that.

We also award computer points for good behavior--which is defined as anything that makes DH's and my lives easier. 1 point = 1 minute of computer time, and they don't use the computer unless they spend their points. We don't give points every time they do something good. It's at the whim of the parent, so it's unpredictable. The one exception to this unpredictability is that they get points for speed at getting ready for bed: a point if they've gotten PJs on by 8:05, another if their teeth are flossed and brushed by 8:15, etc. They get "bonus points" if they're done with everything before a certain time, too, so more speed is better for them. Mornings are slow around here, so we don't give points for that, but we could if we wanted to encourage speed.

We try not to remove points, though really lousy behavior has been known to make me mad enough to get out the eraser! But the idea was to make it strictly positive reinforcement.

A side benefit: they actully use the computer LESS! And feel more grateful about using it when they do get on. No more begging and whining to get on. It's genius!

Huh. I like that computer points idea. Never thought about that. Good one.

What we have to figure out is how to take away appropriate privileges when we have bad behavior. Usually the only thing that our DS cares about is something educational and I really really hate taking away that privilege. But that's the only thing that makes an impact.

JB

When DD9 was in the 6-7 age range, we set small goals and used rewards. She has horrible organizational skills and forgot homework or forgot to turn it in etc. We set a goal for each day that she will bring all work home and turn everything in. For each day, she got a sticker on a chart. After so many stickers, she got to pick a reward from a jar. I had little pieces of paper in a jar that would read: trip to the pet store (she loves animals), extra tv time etc. whatever her "currency" was at the time. Breaking things up into daily successes was enough to get her moving on that.

I still try to keep our schedule the same: same bedtime routine, after school routine and give them plenty of play time. After a full day at school and then homework, it's sometimes hard to fit in extra learning. We supplement only on the weekends. You can make a schedule and post it in your child's room. It gives them predictability of the day. I have also let DD choose homework time (right after school, after snack, after 30 min. of playtime). She seems to go along with things when she has some control.

As far as sneaky ways to make things educational: there are many games that are educational but don't appear that way. I love looking through the Hoagies gifted webpage and their educational resources. Pick some games that address what your child is working on and make it fun. Learning can happen anywhere and doesn't always require worksheets.

Jen

Flylady.net

Great for setting up morning and before bed routines.
Great for getting in the timer mode.
Great for encouraging babysteps toward the goal.

Babysteps:
3 columns -
Left Column: write down all the things you wish were happening Center Column: what is happening instead
Right Coumn: write a concrete example of 'it could be worse' humorous if possible, or from the past.

Circle the item in the center column that is bugging you the most, and the item in the left colum that would really inspire you. Start with one of those.

Put the paper away, with a note to check in 1 month. Start on your first goal.

Smiles,
Grinity

Very random but we actually bought an old parking meter from the city. When DS has completed whatever we need him to do, in the allotted amount of time, he earns a quarter. He can either keep the quarter for his piggie bank or use it to "buy" video game time in the parking meter. We have a small bucket near the meter where he can store his quarters and save them up. Then I'm not the bad guy declaring it's time to turn off the game- the parking meter says "Expired".

On that same note, if I have to do something for him that he should be easily able to do for himself (example: leaving dirty laundry on the floor) then he has to pay me. I charge a nickel every time it's something small and a quarter if it's something big (like picking up the lego room after I already asked once).

His currency is... currency!

A parking meter is a really cool timer! Love that!

Lol- it didn't start out intentional. It was a random piece of junk my husband brought home from the farmer's market. I told him he'd better come up with a good idea... so he did!

My only suggestion--one on one time (except maybe reading at night). I used to work with one on the computer on educational software. Once he got the hang of it, then he could do it on his own & I could work with next one. Truth is--at 7 and 4, they're probably not going to be independent learners without your sitting with them. And it works best one on one.