Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Excessive crying - for 7 y/o

Does anyone else have a kiddo who cries at the drop of a hat and then has a hard time stopping? MrWiggly lost a helium balloon over the weekend, at the county fair. We tried to make light of it - he was hitting it around while it was tied to his sister's stroller and all of a sudden it flew off and sailed away. But he got sad, started to cry and took about 20-30 minutes to stop.

He had an uncontrollable cry at school last week, too. When some design he'd made in math class broke. He told us later that he was sad because "it was the best thing I've ever made and I didn't have a design so I don't think I can do it again." He was even more upset by the fact that one of the 8th graders came over and helped him rebuild it, because HE wasn't the one fixing it. He started crying at home just talking about it.

Anyone have similar experiences? How do you handle it? Especially when it's out in public - I worry about how others are perceiving him. And just want to help him cope with those intense feelings.

Well, he sounds just like me. But it was probably more socially acceptable because I was a girl. In retrospect, I would probably call it grieving and would treat it as such.

DS certainly had some tendencies that way, especially when an insect was killed. It would take a long time to calm him down. What helped, in that case, were small rituals, ways to memorialized what was lost and acknowledge the grief. We had little signs up all over the house to mark the death spots of moths and beetles: "In Memorium: Alex The Beetle 2002 RIP." It helped.

It must have been fun to explain to guests all the little grave markers all over the house! LOL!

I love that! Way to solve the problem creatively, acs!

I was one of those kids that cried at the drop of a hat. Any kind of stress would make me lose it. Drove my mom crazy!

The crisis came one night when DS accidentally washed the moth down the sink while brushing his teeth. An hour later, still crying, no sign of anyone getting to sleep. Despiration breeds creativity, as they say.

Indeed, acs!

Debbie, DS4 is my child afflicted with RE (Rampant Emotionalism). He cries before he tells me what's wrong. Often it's a little nothing problem that I could have fixed immediately if he had only used his words. But once he starts blubbering, it can be hard to understand him anymore, so it takes a lot longer to fix it. Plus I'm a lot less eager to help him if he's throwing a tantrum/having a meltdown. (They're different, but he does both--regularly!)

I keep trying to make that clear to him that he should speak first and cry second, but it still hasn't sunk in. If I had a dime for every time I have said to him "Use your words," I could have hired someone to use words FOR him!

I think a lot of it has to do with personality type. Have you administered the kiddie-version of the Meyers-Briggs, Debbie? Here's the link: http://www.personalitypage.com/cgi-local/build_pqk.cgi

It helped me make a bit more sense of my child. Some of the questions are hard to answer for kids on the younger end of the scale though. Be warned...

I think we've covered this before, but let Little C join your club!

I was also like that when I was little and grew up to be a pretty balanced person, so don't worry. Well, I do get my panties in a bunch sometimes, but it has to be a really good reason.

When C looses it I usually give her a firm hug and whisper in her ear that I understand that she is very upset and usually I tell her I understand why.

I let her cry for a minute or so and then start asking her to start calming herself down. If she is able to do so I give her tons of positive reinforcements. My hope is that she will learn to control her very strong emotions instead of the other way around.

So I guess what I'm saying is I'm not sending her to message that she is overreacting, it's more like I would like to teach her how to manage them.

I've always thought that when she really has a fit, it's almost as she is "saying": -Hey, people, this really stinks!!!! Not fair!!!! Didn't you hear me?!?!?! Why are you not acknowledging me!!!!!! I will not be ignored!!!!!!

It's interesting that you brought this up because that's what I called it when he cried about the balloon. We acknowledged that it was sad, a loss that he needed to mourn but that everyone moves on as they grieve. Last night he brought up the sadness about the balloon again just after I tucked him in bad. He said that he couldn't stop thinking about it. We get this type of thing a lot at bedtime. So, I told him that he could choose to think about the balloon and be sad if he needed to but that he could also choose to be happy by thinking about all the fun he had at the fair. He tried to argue with me that he just cuoldn't stop thinking about it. But I left it in his field by suggesting a few happy thoughts then saying that he could choose to think about what he wanted and change his feelings. Basically, I gave him permission to feel sad but tried to empower him about feeling happy. Then I left him in bed. Surprisingly he didn't keep carrying on like he has done in the past. He quieted down and fell asleep.

MrWiggly is ENFP, so the crying is definitely part of his personality. I am ENFJ, so that's where Dr. Ruf had pointed out that I fuel MrWiggly's sadness and focus on feelings because *I'm* so focused on feelings. I've been reading the book she recommended, Children: The Challenge, and been trying to use some of the approaches to empower him more and baby him less. A few months ago I would have been either laying in bed with him comforting him or getting angry that he wouldn't fall asleep. I suppose just relaxing about it and being affirming and empowering is the way to go.

I don't have a problem with having a sensitive son but I do think that crying at the drop of a hat is a problem socially for boys and men. I need to read some of the Michael Gurian books Dr. Ruf recommended about boys.

Thanks for letting me know there's others out there crying, too!

Some folks believe that there is a correlation between crying and intelligence -

Some think that intelligence is the end result of the crying - www.rc.org

Some think that the crying is caused by the high intelligence - www.hoagiesgifted.org/dabrowski.htm

Take your pick - we have to find ways to live with it.

Personally I grew up being blamed for my R.E. and told that I was 'too sensitive.' So I grew up promising that I wouldn't do that to my own children. I have cousins who envy me for my upbringing and wish that they had been treated a bit more 'matter of factly' and are promising to treat their children more along the lines of how I was treated. Bottom Line - you can't win, actually!

Still, I think it helps to recognise that you aren't a bad mom, or dealing with anything unusual or bad. It helps to remember how you felt and journal it or talk about it here. Even though we can't win, we sure can take steps forward. And since it's a given that most of us can't really share with our neighbor-moms what's really going on, share away - here's your best chance!

Smiles,
Grinity

What is it about balloons? DS6 is not a particularly sensitive child but has broken down more than a couple of times after losing balloons - either by popping or by floating away. He always refuses balloons at carnivals or birthday parties - helium or not. I think this is related to when he was a toddler and sobbed uncontrollably during the Teletubbies show when Tinky Winky's ball of string unravelled...