Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional How to get closure as 2e gifted?

Warning - a large rant

I am an 18 year old from a large city outside the US. For as long as I could remember school was mind-numbingly easy (from kindergarten). I was almost normal until 6-8, when I slowly became more hyperactive/impulsive. In hindsight, I had my procrastination, time management, organization, mental effort and similar issues. I simply either personally compensated, got away with it, or parents gave me lots of scaffolding. I had various conflicts later, for reasons (like what they called "behavior problems", trying to grade skip.

I had to privately study exams so I could get into university early (I left that university for personal reasons - problems with establishment from them, bad course, etc.). The schools were too inflexible and my parents worse than ambivalent. Some teachers tried to save me and I thank them for it.

I got diagnosed with ADHD hyperactive type and inattention issues some months ago. In hindsight I should've been diagnosed at 9-11 when I was too talkative, too fidgety (not repetitive), too much running in hallways/other places, too loud in leisure activities (misinterpreted as voice control problem by some doctor), often on the go (although sometimes surprisingly productive - "channeled" hyperactivity), impatient (various times rushing people). I sometimes interrupted too, although I sometimes manage to present it in a way such that it was more acceptable. It still caused significant social issues - bullied for it, not many friends, many people didn't like me.

Yes, I was still valedictorian, smartest in class (probably should've been grade skipped then), but there were clearly clinically significant overactivity/impulsiveness and the executive functioning problems that were overlooked.

I want to stop feeling like I failed, even though most of my issues were from other people being terrible. Any tips on advocating for people in similar situations to grade skip (I have an online server where I tutor people)? Having good friends/family who support you?

Are these decent ways to find closure for the trauma and issues I faced?

Last but not least, any ways to avoid many misunderstandings (when I was a young teen I was even thought to be "autistic" by some teachers and a few doctors, in hindsight only someone who wanted to fit everything into the autism "spectrum" could've done it)? E.g. some people in my life claimed I had "voice control problems" even though I was simply pretty active and almost nobody else complained.

Welcome!

I hope it helps to know, that you are among good company... that is to say, MANY have had a similar experience; you are not alone.

A square peg will never fit perfectly in a round hole.

Like many gifted individuals, you may be a little hard on yourself, and not give yourself enough credit, while readily giving the population at large much grace or leeway...? I say this because in reading your post, in many ways, you seem very self-aware... and appear to have strong Theory Of Mind.

It is possible that there is not closure per se, beyond the acquired wisdom which allows one to say,
"... if I knew then, what I know now...!" And it seems that you have processed many past interactions and reached that point of understanding.

Ongoing, you may enjoy reading some of the works authored or co-authored by Temple Grandin, in which she shares how she navigates life, with a unique intellectual profile. For example:
- Thinking in Pictures, and Other Reports from My Life with Autism (1995),
- The Autistic Brain: Thinking Across the Spectrum (2013),
- Calling All Minds: How to Think and Create Like an Inventor (2018).

An uneven intellectual profile may be more common than many in society realize.
Information on Hoagies Gifted Education Page (https://www.hoagiesgifted.org/) and Wrightslaw (https://www.wrightslaw.com/l) are among resources which touch on this.

Many years ago, the newly-minted organization Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted (SENG) had a mission to educate others about giftedness and help society learn how to accept, encourage, validate, and affirm the gifted (rather than treat them as competition or as resources); over the years this appears to have changed to a focus on guiding the gifted to "fit in." Unfortunately, the change seemed to emphasize building the commerce of professionals trained in giftedness.

Acceleration (one mode of which is grade-skipping) does not necessarily address social skills.
That said, it can be interesting to read of different experiences and viewpoints on acceleration:
https://giftedissues.davidsongifted...e_Considering_grade_skip.html#Post230061

Similarly, advocacy does not necessarily address social skills... but can also be interesting to read about... and find those AHA moments which reflect your own circumstances, or lend insight.
https://giftedissues.davidsongifted...y_Advocacy_as_a_Non_Newt.html#Post183916

I think a great thread is one started more than a decade ago, on the topic of "What Should Everyone Know About Gifted Education?" In this thread, many gifted people (often parents of gifted children), provided feedback... essentially how gifted education could be improved. https://giftedissues.davidsongifted...veryone-know-about-gifted-education.html

Wishing you much happiness, fulfillment, and joy, as you navigate future years. Kudos to you for tutoring!

Thanks Indigo for these links and the encouragement.

I have gone to a psychiatrist, went there... seems... maybe it is not closure but learning from it.

As for acceleration, I tend to support grade skipping as it is quite inexpensive, saves the kid enough time and if the kid wants it, even better! Enrichment is still decent, especially for supercurriculars and extracurriculars for college apps.

Yes, advocacy doesn't necessarily address social skills, but having a decent academic fit would have that covered so social skills can be further focused on. But yes, it is like an ooblock, in my experience - negotiate softly while firmly and it will give way.

About gifted education, yes I hate the myths. Sometimes, I do see how some may interpret some of the ADHD criteria too narrowly. And on average, the high IQ will have a higher overall maturity than normal IQ although of course there can be huge asynchrony.

Besides, I view ADHD as a disorder of self-regulation and executive functioning that can't be explained by other mental/physical/etc. issues. as a broader label to show that there is a problem, not something narrow.

- Is often “on the go” acting as if “driven by a motor.”

When I was a kid I was pretty on the go, though sometimes more mentally than physically, and various times "channeled" into activities, leadership, etc. so I did meet the criteria at 6 apparently, from my history. I simply met the symptom in an eccentric way.

I do try tutoring, though unfortunately many students have their own issues, timetable, etc.