Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Adult Resources for adults?

"Coaching" seems to be another good search term.

Anyone know about sengifted.org? They seem to have a lot of stuff for the emotional support of gifted people of all ages.

Wish I could stop thinking. Does anyone want to talk about something other than test scores?

I'll bite. I was reminded of this thread today while reading this article: https://scottbarrykaufman.com/the-taboo-of-selfishness/, which argues that it is sometimes healthy to act in a selfish manner.

As a life-long, pathological teacher- and boss-pleaser who too often settles for satisfying the needs and low expectations of others, while suppressing my own [gifted weirdo] needs, I identified with this:

"Healthy selfishness requires self-love. The person who is motivated by healthy selfishness is motivated by a desire to become a unique person, to learn, grow, and be happy."

and this:

"People who consistently lack self-assertion and self-respect, and who consistently reject the satisfaction of their own basic needs in favor of satisfying the needs of others, often enter therapy so they can learn how to increase their self-love."

and this:

"...we need to think more seriously about creating the conditions that allow people to develop their unique intellectual, creative, and emotional capacities, the freedom to assert the totality of their being, and the opportunities to satisfy their basic needs."

Perhaps gifted adults who are dying on the vine at work could use a little more self-love (not less), and their desire for more learning and growth in the workplace is an expression of the healthy kind of selfishness (not mere self-indulgence, self-pity or narcissism)?

I realize I'm out on a limb here.

Excused any mixed metaphors.

That reminds me of this article and others that seem to describe 'selfish' behavior as sort of a defense against overstimulation of empathy.

One of the things I'm definitely wrestling with is determining what things are the things I want to do because they give me pleasure (intrinsically), and what things I want to do because it earns the approval of someone else and I have been conditioned to take pleasure in that (extrinsically).

What are your gifted weirdo needs? Mine might be summed up as: needing to learn new things, not wanting to solve the same problem over and over, doing things through non-linear thinking, and not needing others along for the ride. Makes me attractive when implementing things, but a bit of a liability in supporting them.

The connection to overactive empathy is interesting and, in my mind, valid. That's what teacher-, parent-, boss-pleasing is all about, right? Being highly attuned, even overly attuned, to others' feelings, needs and expectations, and making their happiness your own personal goal, even at the expense of your own well being? It's a pathological empathy or unhealthy selflessness.

The problem is compounded if your own feelings and needs are roundly dismissed by others as too whiny, arrogant, weird, negative, exaggerated, intense, inexplicable, etc. It's hard to put your own social and emotional needs first when everything in your environment is telling you they're abnormal--when you do not see your own interests, ideas, priorities or concerns mirrored in those around you.

What are my gifted weirdo needs at work? To not be idle (which may require giving me more work or harder work than others). To be encouraged, or even just allowed, to think critically, look beyond immediate, superficial causes and effects, CARE about things, like quality and outcomes, and aim high. To not have my thoughts and feelings dismissed with condescending, mediocrity-normalizing comments like "at least it pays the bills, right?" or "a lot of people would be happy to be bored at work." As that healthy selfishness article says, to feel safe to occasionally assert the totality of my being (like the part that would rather read philosophy at lunch than attend the mandatory-fun event where all the women are enthusiastically discussing hair and nails). But I'm being whiny, arrogant and negative...

There seems to be a sort of gifted Catch-22 in that what many gifted people ache for more than anything is freedom to be and use those parts of themselves that society tells them are invalid or even shameful. Resisting the crush of mediocrity may require exercising more healthy selfishness than I've been allowing myself and losing some of the guilt and the shame.

Very insightful post. Many of the ideas resonated with me. I found much affirmation/validation in reading this.

The book The Peter Principle may be of interest.

Am I underachieving if I've reached the level of my incompetence, or is it if I opt to return to the level of my competence? Which I guess is the acceleration question all grown up.

I would agree that this is the optimal instructional placement question all grown up--which is why I would also return to the concept of zone of proximal development. Enough competence to achieve mastery, and enough (likely) attainable challenge to stretch and grow.

We don't (or shouldn't) stop learning and growing just because we are not engaged in formal education.

Here's another resource for gifted adults:
InterGifted https://intergifted.com/

I haven't used them yet, but I'm on their email list, and they have some really great-looking workshops and groups coming up, including things on multipotentialities and writing.