I can recall any number of surreal conversations with my then toddler/preschooler.
My work colleagues commented on it, even--
"While I'm across the room, working in the hood, I just-- well, I
forget that I'm not talking to another adult...." (This said apologetically in case the speaker had said anything "inappropriate/confusing" to my DD. Who was
three.)
At the time, she often sat and read or played a hand-held CookieMonster video game while seated at my desk area in
her pack-and-play. While these conversations were apparently otherwise much more engrossing to her.
Several other weird asynchronous things that I recall and only later realized just
how weird they were (and how unusual, relative to norms of all kinds, that is--
1. DD often sat in the car and read-- in fact, BEGGED to do this instead of being carted around in a shopping cart in a store. We indulged her in weather conducible to it (so not too cold, not too hot, and yes, we were extremely conservative on what that meant, and also on what kinds of areas were 'safe enough' and, and, and-- trust me, relative risk here was VERY low). On the other hand, she related the story of the nosy older woman in the Home Depot parking lot who wouldn't leave her alone, tried to enlist other bystanders (while Dad was in getting a couple of bolts)... was concerned for her... until she conspicuously lifted up her book, in that universal sign for "go away, I am READING..." and what she was reading was... a Michael Crichton novel. She was six at the time, but physically looked more like 4.
2. Arguing with my then 2.5yo about how much work she was making for me by REFUSING to transition out of diapers, and that frankly, she
could do this, and therefore, she bloody well needed to, in light of the rest of her package of special needs. Yes, I realize that this was unfair with a typical child, and also-- what those other special needs constituted at the time bears some emphasis here. No, I didn't put it in quite those terms, but-- the point is that in less than two weeks, she made the transition fully, and had maybe... four? wetting accidents ever again. She was in fact being stubborn, and frankly, she enjoyed having me wait on her. LOL.
3. Offering small toys (Littlest Pet Shop??) as an inducement to do her best on the PSAT. As a way of talking her into taking it seriously, since she was skipping her (following) sophomore year of high school and would be a junior the following fall. She was 12.
4. DD was never physically able to carry her own weekly library book bag. Not until she was old enough to drive there herself, and by that time she was in college. (I also once subluxated an elbow lifting it out of the car, myself.. though to be fair, I likely have a connective tissue disorder that makes it more likely).
5. Having a seemingly able-bodied child discussing the physics of rides at a theme park when still not tall enough to ride on most of them.
6. I actually said to my 9yo;
"If you will actually finish your algebra problems, and turn them in to Mr. {Teacher} before dad gets home, not only can you make clothes* for all of your Care Bears, but I'll even let you use the scrapbooking scissors
and the tape, and you can do it in the living room!"
*paper... what was it with the elaborate paper-paper-paper constructions????
7. I'd prefer to leave this one largely unremarked, and it's fairly disturbing, but...
when reporting a crime to her university, she knew better than any of them who was a mandatory reporter, and what the precise limits of confidentiality would (and could) be-- she gently corrected both her parents and several of those employees at various points in the process. She was not yet 16-- and she knew that she was surrounded by mandatory reporters, both in her life as a student, but also friends, parents, and people she volunteered with. She had weighed the costs, outcome, and benefits of that mandatory reporting so thoroughly that even the (very, very good) attorney that we hired had little to offer her in the way of "advice" so much as being a heavy hitter that others were more afraid of, particularly on letterhead or in meetings.
Also the case that she has gently reminded various offices when they are at risk of being "non-compliant" with federal disability law a few times, as a student. Or sucked it up with a professor who is flouting the law, weighing the cost of forcing them versus alienating someone in her department. She is only now just 18.
At the same time, this is the (16-17yo) girl who was throwing a fit over clothes that were "itchy" and forgetting to turn in assignments because she just "forgot" to check on things. And was too intimidated to 'talk' to a professor in his office.
VERY asynchronous.
8. As a toddler, DD adored cooking shows. And Martha Stewart. (Which is hilarious beyond words, if you know me. Or her, either, as a young adult-- she is flatly incompetent in the kitchen.) Anyway-- at the time, she was very severely allergic to eggs, and I can recall her watching with rapt attention, then suddenly pulling her fingers out of her mouth, and standing up out of her tiny child-sized rocker to shout at Emeril Legasse on TV;
"No! Emeril! DON'T DO IT!!" whenever he prepared to crack a couple of eggs into whatever it was he was making. She was SO upset by him using eggs.
