Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Finding the right camp fit (age vs grade)

We are at an orientation for our upcoming overseas jobs, and they divide the kids up by age brackets 8-12 and 13-15. DD12 DYS would be put with the 8-12 year olds. I think it would be a horrific fit. There will be lots of discussions about cultural fit, school, etc. and DD is not going to be discussing these topics like an average 12 years old. On top of that, the book they are expected to study is extremely simplistic (written in 1954 no less!!!), and she is upset that she has to read it (we read part of it, and it is pretty bad). She is used to going to school with much older kids (grade and subject accelerated). I want to ask if she can be placed with the older kids, but it's tricky because I will be working with these people and don't want to come across as asking for special favors.
Ok - how do we handle this?
Thanks!!!!

Just ask? Isn't her older sister in the next group? And she's at the top of the age range, so it might not be as big of an ask as it may feel. Lots of parents want both kids together in these kinds of orientation activities, and it's also not that unusual for younger siblings to be a little precocious socially and emotionally, compared to same-age firstborns. I don't think you even need to get into her grade placement, actually.

You've received great advice above. The key to ongoing success may be to ask but not demand, insist, or belabor the point... and to help your daughter understand, if she does not get her preferred placement, that one need not catastrophize but rather may benefit by demonstrating emotional control and maturity, making the best of the situation, finding the good, emphasizing the positives, looking for what she may have in common with other children, focusing on getting through it, etc. This approach may inspire the leaders to move her to the older group after observing the children for a bit.

Thanks, all. Typically I don't stress so much anymore about finding the right fit be it classes, camps, school, but this time it's approaching people I will work with so I am really trying not appear pushy.
I also worry about the DD being placed with the younger group as DD is very snarky, and I rather worry about the words coming out of her mouth. Believe me, we are working on this!!!!!

Have you explained the girls are in the same grade so she needs to learn the same stuff as her older sister? Where are you going that they can't find a more recent book?

ITA with aeh.

I'd also say that how far I'd go to advocate re this depends on the length of the camp - is it just one week or multiple weeks? If it's just one week I wouldn't stress over it if dd had to attend with the lower age group and put up with a silly out-of-date book. I would save my advocating bank account for times when my child might be attending a camp that's studying a subject where they really need to be with the correct intellectual placement; this type of camp I might consider it's a one-time thing (I'm guessing it's a one-time orientation) and let it go. On the other hand, if the orientation is for the school year and based on grade she'll be in, I'd be sure she was placed with the correct group for her grade.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Slightly contrarian view, though I do see the logic above. I'd simply ask for her to be placed with kids of her own grade - where the education system has deemed she learns best. I've got no evidence for this, but personally that feels more neutral/ evidence-based, rather than asking for special favours to ignore the age requirements. My experience has been that most activities get tons of requests to ignore age limits - and most of them are spurious. But when I talk placement needs instead, I get a different response. For instance, your science camp said 14, but my 12 year old can totally handle it - that gets me nowhere. But, if I say my 12-year old has his grade 9 math credit and has done these high-school-oriented science courses, and so is ready to learn the same material as the rest of your group - that gets him in.

How much capital to expend on this battle depends on its impact. You are starting off on a major move and a lot of demands for serious adapting. If placement with the younger kids is going to get your DD off on a really bad foot that may flavour her view of the whole move, then it's a battle worth a little energy. (I suspect your younger DD might fall in the latter category.) So maybe try something apologetic but unequivocal, like, "Sorry, I should have been more clear. Both girls are in grade 7 and should be placed with the group that includes the grade 7s".

I agree with platypus.

My son is being dropped off at camp right this minute and is having to do the middle school program this year. Next year he will be allowed high school. But he could have handled the work of the high school. I decided not to fight the battle and am just hoping for the best.

Ds is in the same boat as cookies. On his way to Camp today. He has a few kids his age, which is the top age but most are younger. I told him to make the best of it.

I always ask him to remember when he was the littler guy and always asking to play Pokemon, YuG-i-Oh or Magic with the older kid and they always did.

Ours is not an academic camp, if it was I am sure I would want him moved to an appropriate level for him.

They do an quick evaluation first thing. I am hoping that he will fit in with the middle school kids and if not, they will consider moving him to the high school group. Or figure out how to make middle school work. It is only 6 days. He can deal six days.

I think the problem is that this is residential. They could move him easily if it were Day camp. But residential would mean moving him in with kids 18 years old, so they are hesitant to do that...they keep the two groups in different dorms and very separate.