Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Rage to Master

We definitely are dealing with this. My wife and I have to be careful about what we tell him we will do, because he remembers every "promise". My son can definitely do complex calculations in his head, but he can't walk me through his thought process. I've never had him do any math worksheets, but I can ask him seemingly impossible math questions (for a 5 year old) and he rattles off the answer. (E.g. 5*5*5*5*5) with little hesitation. If I briefly explain a math concept (like percentages) and give 2 examples, he extrapolates it to more problems. I pulled back from asking math questions, because I felt he was staying 'in his head' too much, and we are trying to assist more social development.

Hmm, how did we support DS's development... since it's something we do all the time it's a little hard to list out specifics. Early on we did a lot of PT and OT because he had sensory issues (mostly resolved) and was delayed in coordination (jumped a year late, can't peddle bike, can't tie shoes, etc.) All of that helped a great deal and even though he isn't totally typical in those areas, we no longer feel that he needs therapy.

We get DS outside as much as possible. It helps to get him out of his head a bit and tires him out so that he gets closer to the amount of sleep that he needs. While he is outside his favorite activity is sidewalk chalk and he creates elaborate concepts like a 2D representation of a 3 dimensional maze globe or he makes a representation of a Rube Goldberg machine or he likes to write out the periodic table or draw current favorite molecules. This is not what I want him doing outside, so I have to be with him to encourage batting or climbing or riding scooter. But he is easily able to do the things that I suggest if I do them with him. Also, he has a gifted ASD buddy from school who has come over a few times and they do the periodic table and science experiments together outside and really enjoy each other's company/carry on beautiful, polite, mature conversations about what they are doing. DS also loves to play with the neighbors and he will even play kickball with them quite nicely, even though he doesn't like sports. It used to be that he would just sit outside and read or do a workbook in the shade, now he is really playing and acting like a kid (at least some of the time) and I would say this is the single biggest thing that we do for DS, require at least an hour outside after school each day and 4 hours on the weekend, weather permitting. He often chooses to stay out even longer and sometimes doesn't want to come in to eat dinner!

When not outside we just support his interests and also practice social skills while having fun. We play a lot of board games and do a lot of puzzles together. This is a great way to practice not grabbing materials, waiting for your turn, casual conversation while engaged in a mutual activity, etc. We usually only do this when DS is medicated as he otherwise tends to end up knocking everything over and/or annoying everyone to the point where we all quit and then he gets upset and gets in trouble and ends up in his room.

When he is inside and not medicated we usually let him do what he wants to do and use that time for his hour of screen time. He tends to like to draw fractals and math stuff, so we give him a lot of paper and some markers (and feign interest in what he is doing, lol). If he watches a show about something, he usually immediately wants to represent it in some way on paper and explain it to us. I read to him a lot, even when he doesn't seem to be listening (I know that he is because he can talk about what I read even if he spent the whole time running around and talking over me about a completely different idea). He loves "funny books" which obviously varies from kid to kid, but for DS it includes the Ramona books, stuff by Dahl, and those horrible weird school books. If a character is "bad" he finds it beyond hilarious. I'm not sure that is a good sign, lol.

Overall I would say that we let DS be DS, except that we are always pushing him to expand who he is while respecting who he currently is. Just this year he started closing the car door when he gets out of the car, this was something we celebrated. I mean, he did it before, but not unless I reminded him. We have a lot of things like that coming together right now. I see it as him coming out of his head a bit and paying attention to the rest of the world. Obviously for my DS, having severe ADHD and all, medication was a big help, but also just years of practice and experience are finally paying off. He just doesn't seem to pay attention to the mundane in life. It must be a really interesting place in his head!

DS is a very social, loving, empathetic, and altruistic kid. He doesn't seem autistic at all anymore to me and people are very surprised if I tell them about his diagnosis. There is so little certainty though. I guess I would say I'm 75% certain he does not have ASD. Some professionals say they see it, some don't. I think you could see ASD in almost anyone if you were looking hard enough for it.

I do agree that once ASD is on a kid's chart you aren't going to ever get rid of it, I have been unsuccessful and I have been trying for years. I can't get a reevaluation either because it's a lifetime diagnosis. But you don't need a diagnosis for many therapies. Also, if a child really does have ASD the diagnosis is beyond helpful. All of my sons medical costs are covered 100% (including allergist and his 1:1 at school) and we are even eligible for free babysitting if we wanted it. The local museums and zoo have free entry days for kids on the spectrum and there are discounts and special programs for everything from swim lessons to karate. I don't regret getting the diagnosis and I think the therapies he received helped a lot. I don't even particularly mind except that I am sick of people reading ASD on his chart and making assumptions about him. They treat him like he can't understand what they are saying. They get all bent out of shape if he says his name or says hi to them. He feels insulted because they are praising him like a new puppy for following basic instructions.

My son has ASD, and was diagnosed when he was 5. He is 7 now. He does get obsessive in learning topics, and it's hard to know what part of it is ASD, and what part of it is gifted. We don't really worry about it too much. He gets ABA therapy at home, and it helps him with social skills, and we talk a lot with him about topics he's interested in, and he also reads a lot too.

Are you familiar with asynchronous development? It is not unusual for a gifted child to develop much faster than normal in some, but not all areas. For our ODS, this expressed itself in being somewhat socially "immature" until very recently (he's 10 now). Although he could handle schoolwork at an advanced level, he wasn't likely on "age-grade norm" level in some social aspects. This has changed as he's aged. Just something to consider, particularly if he's young for grade. You may be seeing quite normal social behavior when you take asynchronous development into account.

I just want to say a big thank you to everyone who shared advice and experience in this thread. It really helps to hear about some similar children. I can see through this thread that I identify my child much more in the 2e descriptions given. I will continue to read, research, and learn about these issues, and make sure we seek a definitive diagnosis of problems arise, or access to support is restricted.