Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Exhausted

Ocelot, thanks for starting this post. It's always great to be reminded that we're not completely alone.

On our end, we're really feeling it right now. DS6 is draining us lately. He's usually an extremely intense kid, but it increases tenfold when he's going through transitions. The start of school, new swimming session/instructor and starting piano lessons have proven to be too much for him and for us.

We thought we'd be able to avoid the explosive periods by delaying the start of piano lessons (their first ever) to the first week of October, but it wasn't enough. DH went to check on him during his very first piano lesson this week and DS6 was curled up in a ball and crying uncontrollably because the instructor had explained to him that he couldn't "play" with just his index finger. He's been off (intense, rude, moody) ever since, and we are just completely drained.

We have a behavioural specialist working with him. So far, we're supposed to work on "filling buckets", help him choose different techniques to calm himself down and so forth. But honestly, we need help figuring out how to deal with the never ending intensity. Nothing is ever easy with him. Nothing.

I know no one will have a miracle cure for us, but any suggestions would be appreciated. Free offers of wine won't be turned down either. But mostly, I'm just venting.

PS - Platypus, I'm in the process of reading The Explosive Child and I have to admit that I'm a bit daunted by how to go about trying to put it into practice. There aren't really any concrete situations that are tough for us, it's a problem that seems to be pervasive and all-encompassing when it starts happening. It's hard to pin down one particular situation that's a problem, because it changes every time. And when he gets intense, it's like he's wild and you can't really get through to him.

It can be daunting to get started, but it is really worthwhile. I found it helpful to also watch some of his videos at www.livesinthebalance.org.

I had a similar feeling, and we never put it into practice all that much, but it really helped me reframe situations so they weren't as draining for me. If it feels overwhelming to get started why not just work on your own end as it were, just reframing things in your own head?

Applying Explosive Child strategies, for a six year old, I'd put formal piano lessons in the green and let it go. I am a huge believer in early music education for all children but private piano lessons can wait until he is ready.

DS5 has a long way to go with self regulations, so I also would be happy to see any tips here. We did just make a decision to pull out of an extracurricular that was getting stressful since school also seems to be a source of stress right now, and I felt like he needed to be relaxed and having positive experiences during his home time. One thing that did work for us was making a deal with him and his OT that if he felt overwhelmed he would use his words and ask for a break (instead of other meltdown behavior), and the OT would honor it without argument. I thought he might abuse that power, but he very rarely used it, and I think just feeling empowered triggered a major turn-around. The other thing that seems to help is keeping his cup full with praise for positive things, although this is remarkably difficult to do when he's in a downward spiral.


ETA: Per the original theme of this post, pulling back on scheduled extracurricular a was also a move to decrease parental stress/exhaustion 😉

@ocelot - glad you are considering yourself a bit in the picture (decreasing stress) -- maybe even a bit more of this would do wonders for better 'quality' time. I know it is extremely hard at that age to carve out time for yourself, but if possible, do consider it - a hobby, exercise, meditation, etc.

Oh my goodness, yes. Exhausted.
I've just recently found this forum and I'm so glad for it. DS4 can be intense with his knowledge seeking and his need to be physically connected to me. Today alone he was elated to discover basic math equations that would lead him to -1. This happened in the midst of electrical engineering play (thank you Snap Circuits!). He insists I be RIGHT THERE. The whole time. Every second. If I walk away, he crumbles. But I have other obligations (DS.5, work, etc.) and can't always be right there with him every minute. We've been working on it... but it's exhausting.

Since I'm new to all of this I feel like my free time is consumed by trying to understand how to best approach learning, trying to understand where DS4 falls in the realm of normal development, and understand the school system here which we haven't even started yet. My head is going to explode.

Thank you for posting this, Ocelot.