Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion music stagnating with 6 year old

Consider the difference between "quit" and "exit".

It's very easy for a child to say it's too hard and want to quit. Immediately. However, a parent can respect the child's desire to stop and avoid a potentially damaging "quitting" pattern.

"I understand you don't want to take piano lessons any more. I can accept that. You don't have to take piano lessons forever. If you still want to stop taking lessons when you finish this book, then we will stop piano." (Finish the book could mean get through a page, or learn selected pieces)

When my son is struggling and gets to the "I want to quit now", and I say "yeah, you can quit AFTER you master the skill you're struggling with right now" the predictable result is he masters the skill and decides he "LOVES" the activity and it's "fun" and "easy". 🙄

This actually worked for my DS7. He had been practicing this one piece for a few months. It was for an assessment that the kids have to go through if they are taking private lessons with the teachers in this music school. The assessment was last Friday. During his practice time on Tuesday or Wednesday, he told me he wanted to quit. This was not the first time he's said that but this time seemed more serious. I told him that he needed to continue and complete this assessment. Then we would talk. Come to Friday, he did fairly well with the piece. After the assessment, he hugged his piano teacher and seemed pretty pleased with his performance. Then I asked him "do you want to quit piano now?" His answer was "No"

My mother went through this with one of my sibs for a couple of years. Sib would ask to quit piano, mom would say, "we're going to keep this commitment for six months; at the end of six months, you may decide", six months later, sib would decide to continue. Rinse and repeat. Now a very functional pianist, sufficient for personal pleasure and accompaniment.

I think it helps to define commitment in advance. With my son, it was "if I buy this trumpet, you will have to take lessons and practice for 3 years, whether you like it or not. After 3 years you can decide." 3 years is a long time, but that was an expensive instrument!!

My son wants to take some high-level classes this fall, including a college-level music class. If he commits to the class, there's no backing out. (And no obligation to continue that path after the semester is over)

good point re the flute
Polarbear.

Just wanted to reiterate -or make clear, I don't particularly mind if she quits in terms of her attitude. She has stuck with enough things in her young life that I'm sure she has a stick to it nature. That is not behind this decision, I'm more worried that she won't quit and perhaps she should...

lf your DD wants to learn piano and it isn't a strain on your family budget then I don't think she should have to quit against her will but do keep an eye on the gap between her playing skills and reading level. Some kids eventually fill the gap and do well but others quit out of frustration. This is why DD's first piano teacher starts even her 3-year old students reading from day one, no exceptions. Her current teacher doesn't believe in that so opinions differ on this widely and passionately. Some people say it's just like language. You learn to talk before you read and you can wait until age 8 before you introduce reading but that didn't work for me.

There is so much to music education beyond traditional piano lessons. DD used to say she prefers her string instrument over piano because she only had to deal with one clef at a time. Flute might be something worth considering.