Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Hate myself for even asking this question

DS11-HG-out of this world when it comes to relating to adults. Basically a minigrownup.

However, he has never had a bunch of friends but those that he has had are overwhelmingly girls. Wonderful girls with great parents. Currently he has 2 friends that are boys that he hangs out with, e.g. the other parents and I arrange reciprocal playdates/hangouts. One boy is moving out of state next week.
DS is not "close" with the other boy really but they've known each other a long time and his mom and I socialize and we get those boys together often and kind of force them to hang out.

Here is the question. DS's closest friends are a small group of girls, like I said, wonderful girls. But I just worry that the eventual "puberty" drama will hit and he will be left friendless. He says he gravitates toward girls because boys right now are immature and all they do is swear, etc.
The problem is that I know some of the girls have crushes on him and he has a crush on his best gal pal although I know they are also "close" friends in general as they've been close since elementary.

Should he be developing more relationships with boys to learn more overall social skills and to deal with the eventual time when his gal pals decide he is no longer interesting? My head says no but heart says IDK when I see him walking at school and the boys all ignore him but for a couple and he basically ignores them. This is true even with the boys he plays basketball with. He's been in Scouts but didn't really relate to those kids. He has played many sports but isn't really athletic so he hasn't really related to those kids either on a long term basis. In any group he's in, extracurricular, etc., he gravitates toward the girls and the adults.

I should note that he is happy there and enjoys school although he is underchallenged but that's another story.

As I type this, I feel ridiculous and know I'm looking for a problem that isn't there. Doesn't he need to learn how to develop social skills with everyone?
I'm sorry if I sound shallow but this is really the only place I can discuss this so please don't judge me too too much. He's always been "different" and I've scaffolded his social life often but should I just step away now and be happy that he's happy??? I think I need some perspective.

Looking back (many years ago), I remember boys that stayed good friends with girls through puberty, including HS. So you may be borrowing worries that won't happen.

Have you tried activities like gifted kid weekend classes that might have some boys he might click with (we go to a university which offers Saturday programs every so often)? That's just to broaden the range of boys he's exposed to...

My son always played with boys in daycare and preschool though he got along very well with girls. In K, he had nothing in common with the boys there and there was also general backlash against him because he was very verbal and very rule following and very "bright" that he stood out. None of the boys wanted to play with him. He hung out with the girls who were very verbal, read a lot of books. We changed schools where there is a peer group of boys who read a lot, who don't play video games like him, who like math and who also like team sports and now, he is back to making friends with boys. My son did not stand out so much in the gifted classroom he is now in and hence there is more in common with other boys.
So, I recommend that you find avenues where he can meet boys with similar strengths as him (some examples are robotics club, chess club ). That could bring more friends who are peers.

If he is happy and has friends, I wouldn't worry excessively about who those friends are at this stage.

My DH had a circle of friends that was a small group of girls and boys throughout school and whom he has stayed in contact with as an adult. And I've known other men whose best friends were girls growing up. It's not out of the question that he'll stay tight with girls. But I've heard far more stories of kids who find their tribe in high school and college and aren't really friends with their middle school or elementary friends -- still friendly, but just 'grew apart' type stories. I agree about encouraging interest based groups -- that's the approach I try to take with mine.

Drama - hard to predict which groups will have that - boys and girls. I have seen some drama in boys too... and seen boys who hang out with girls with no issues so as Elizabeth said - if he is happy and has friends, I would not worry either.

I can still remember a boy learning to knit with the girls when we were driving up to a sports competition as chaperones... and they loved having him with them - he was the only boy that the girls allowed to ride in their vehicles for longer trips because the other boys were just too difficult to deal with in confined space. (oddly too, I recall thinking he was a calming effect on the usual drama we would see with the girls).

Thank you all so much for being so kind so this silly mom. he's done a bunch of robotics, STEM, game groups, etc. and other groups for gifted kids and it's the same, he'll gravitate toward the girls and adults who teach it! Last summer he did a Pre-med course through a local UC that was geared for gifted middle schoolers and he was in heaven because there were college TAs who helped the professors and they loved my DS. He talked their ears off!

Yes, I had forgotten the bit about how yes he will find his tribe in high school and college. I know that will be the case for him. A whole new world.

And I am grateful that his circle of gal pals are so sweet. Their parents all love my DS, too, in the "Wouldn't it be great if X and Y got married some day?" kind of way.

Thanks all for your responses. I truly appreciate it and will now turn my attention away from problems that aren't problems.

OCJD, my DS is 7 (nearly 8 now) and sounds similar to yours, right down to the "crushes" that some of his girl classmates have had on him (though I think first/second grade crushes are a little different). It's possible that he will begin hanging out with these girls less the older he gets, but I haven't seen any sign that this will happen (and much of the class has already started to segregate by sex).

I'm not particularly worried, as he seems capable of finding friends almost everywhere he goes. It's more that, given a diverse group of kids from which to choose, he goes for the girls (often older girls).

P.S. I've been pre-approved to be an in-law by a couple of the parents, too.

I am an expert at worrying about problems I don't have yet so I don't think you were being silly. It's just part of being a mom.

LOL. I've told DD5 when she announced that she and a boy were engaged to be married that she better be sure she can get along with his mother first.