Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional 504/empathy -longish

At this point we really have no idea if DD would be diagnosed on the spectrum, but it just feels so unfair. She has a health issue that has caused problems/she's a pipsqueak that hates being short/she's diagnosed with ADHD. We will love her no matter what, but I just wish she could not deal with one more thing. Yes, I'm whining. But I also so want her to be "ok" and grow up to be successful and content with herself.
Oh, I did look up autism in girls. It sounds like a "soft" version of boys.
Also, a lot of sites on Aspergers listed symptoms that sound a lot like highly gifted kids - sensory stuff, big vocabulary as a little kid, crazy about learning certain topics.

What is weird about her stating that is she LOVES parties. She gets crazy and wild and appears to have a blast. She so wants to have friends (see other posts). It's just painful because she really doesn't relate well unless there are games or Minecraft. I wonder if she has been so hurt by people that she is claiming she dislikes them. DH? Oh yeah, give him a tiny corner and a glass of wine. Now HE is an introvert.

'One more thing' it's not one more thing, it's already there. It's not new, it's an old thing with a new name and an 'ohh that makes sense' moment. And clues on how to deal with it. It's not new, it's already there, just going under the radar. And you can't change that by ignoring it. It can be scary, but ignoring something so you don't have to deal with it will only make it worse. And eventually you won't be able to ignore it any more and you'll wish you hadn't ignored it at all.

You know, that's the wierd thing, some introverts present as extroverts. I know I do. You can be all about the people, having fun and talking a lot, and still go home and have to recharge for a few days. I'm okay with people, untill all of a sudden I'm not.

Okay, first if she has been diagnosed with ADHD, that means that she is probably missing social cues. If someone is missing social cues, they may appear more delayed in social development. Minecraft can be a great buffer because it can be what you want it to be and is kind of like a universal currency for kids. Most kids love Minecraft, so it's a ticket to acceptance.

Like aeh, as a child I documented and dissected social situations because I wanted to understand how they worked- I had had some bad experiences and wanted to figure out how to improve my outcomes. Both myself and my brother went through this stage, and now we are very good at reading the room and are very good at social situations.

Also with labels, they are just that. Ways of looking at a particular thing and trying to determine what you need to do to help your child. Getting a label is important if you need services, and often useful in trying to understand what challenges your child needs help with. But labels can also keep you from seeing the whole picture that is your kid. I had a friend who worked in special ed - she told me to be careful with labels, because she had one kid there who had TEN labels…

There is a really good book you might want to read if you haven't already read it, Eight Keys to Raising the Quirky Child.

This is sooo true. It's common to label people as introverts (don't want to be around people) or extroverts (have to be around people), but there truly is a range... even within the same person! Susan Cain's book "Quiet" or her website (I think it's QuietRevolution) really helped me understand this for myself and others.

DS is, evidently, very "socially motivated" at school to the detriment of actually doing schoolwork. At home, he isolates and has no energy left for anyone/anything and isn't interested in having friends over, etc. He is gregarious when around people, though.

As for "not liking people," I would take that with a grain of salt because you say she really desires friends. She may be having trouble articulating something else, feeling disconnected, or even hurt.

I hope she finds someone special to befriend. Girls that age can be so awful--it's not surprising to me that a gifted, younger girl might have difficulty in that scene.

I agree that a lot of the Asperger's traits also seem like gifted traits. I realized DS was different-more-than-gifted when he went to full-time gifted program, and continued to "stand out," behaviorally.

You are allowed to think it's unfair to contemplate "one more thing!" Of course you wouldn't want life to be more difficult for your DD. I do think the ASD framework changes how you approach some challenges. That's the helpful piece to me, not the label per se, but how you think about the nature of it all and intervene supportively.

One of my college professors said if you see a string of diagnoses, you can almost be sure that the diagnosis is incorrect. DS' 504, they keep adding on more. The big picture is ASD. The other stuff is related. So complicated!

I agree with this completely. I'll also point out that technically, it's not "one more thing," but "one different thing." Your daughter's ADHD diagnosis would end up being an "included condition" of ASD, so she'd have the same length list, but with better understanding for you of what it all means.

I understand the 'not one more thing'. It is exhausting for you all already. While it would be something that had always been there it is different actually knowing. I wouldn't worry about feeling negative about otbers at this point - she has had a rough year.

Eta. Not showing empathy does not mean not feeling empathy.