Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Reviewing old posts, PTSD setting in, giving up.

Eco, except that my DS is a HS jr, our two could be in the same school with same teachers. They don't answer direct questions or they give "radio silence". The SW is getting tired of it, I can tell. The counselor is picking up the slack now that she has settled in to her job (new here, but experienced in a similar school). His schedule altered so he could be in an Enriched Study Hall where he is supposed to get support for EF, check of his planner, and a bit of coaching on assignments, but that has not happened-- at all-- so he started skipping it and working in a quieter area of the building, and not clearing the "unexcused absence" slips that came his way. He'd rather take a detention on Saturday mornings.

The saving grace is that he likes school, likes going, likes his classes. This week was tough with 4 AP exams in 3 days (they are each 3.5 hours long!) but he seemed to enjoy it. Go figure.

The SpEd decision is not until the end of May. So no help for this year. We are going to have to consider Bridgeton Academy for a supported college-prep year.

Is there a one-on-one school near you like Fusion Academy? Perhaps he could take only the courses he is interested in there, and take all electives at MS? You would have to get approval from the HS to be sure credits transfer in.

((( Hugs )))

NB, I could have him take online geometry and physics via the school district (I think) and kind of homeschool the rest. I have a master's in gifted ed. hahahahahahahhahaha


DS has always liked school up until recently, too (so weird!) He also has referred to ISS as the "best days of his life" in the past.



Hugs right back.

This is great news.

Would you mind some advocacy feedback on the examples of direct questions which you provided? Several of the communication exchanges do not seem to be framed in the context of the 504, and seem to skate into other issues.

If there is something on the 504 specifying parameters for teachers reporting grades, the means for doing so, the timing, etc, then you may wish to reference that. It is my understanding that elsewhere in your post you mention that the 504 says the teacher will post assignment instructions/requirements in the online grade book, or in the student's planner? 'not listed in grade book or planner which is on 504' If this is the correct understanding, then one approach might be: "I'm checking in on his grades. As outlined on the 504, there is to be notice of overdue assignments, and all assignments are to be listed in the online gradebook. I do not see any overdue assignments, or assignments due this week posted in the online gradebook. Is this correct?"

If there is something in the 504 about providing behavioral supports, then you may wish to frame your inquiry in that context.

Some may say that the phrase "to add to the fun" may not work in your favor. Sharing the information that he requested being picked up early from school yesterday may not be relevant to a discussion of 504 items which this teacher is accountable for.

Schools may cringe at a parent helping a teen with schoolwork... unless there is specifically something in a 504 about the school supporting the parent for scaffolding at home. On the other hand, if the 504 has something about informing the parent/student as to what the student should be doing for homework/projects/assignments, then you may wish to refer to what the 504 says. For example, you might make a friendly reminder to the teacher: "I know it's a busy time of the year, but would you take a moment to make sure the assignment instructions/requirements are posted to the online grade book, as outlined in the 504?"

Does the 504 stipulate the teacher communicating when an assignment/project is overdue? If so, does it specify directly reporting to the parent? Or possibly noting it in the online gradebook? Within what timeframe?

Once again, you may wish to refer to the 504, for example: "Are the requirements posted in the online gradebook, as required by the 504?" Referring to the 504 may be the only way to cut your losses; the 504 may be your only defensible position. Any other information which you may seek, or any other role which you may take, may be considered as overstepping bounds.

Same as before, you may wish to ask: "Are the requirements posted in the online gradebook, as required by the 504?"

Or simply ask: "Are the requirements posted in the online gradebook, as required by the 504?"

One possible reply to this might be: "Because of his disability, the 504 specifies that assignment requirements be posted online and/or in the student planner; As much as I appreciate your effort in writing a separate note, unfortunately a separate note does not suffice."

Advocacy relies on a clear division of labor for teachers/schools, students, parents. Advocacy works best when all are focused on crafting a plan then following that plan, to best meet the student's needs for accessing his/her education. This is facilitated by focusing on facts with an avoidance of emotion and side stories. As warned on the Wrightslaw webpage for Crisis Management, Step-by-Step, schools may deem a parent unstable if emotional.

Eco, I think what you need to look for is a school program that understands 2e students. We are starting DD in middle school next year (yikes) and I talked to the gifted specialist. DD would have a "gifted case manager" which was startling to me considering the fact that we are coming from a district that doesn't even have a district wide gifted coordinator. I'd greatly prefer a good "special ed case manager" but any 1-1 attention she can get, the better. I told the gifted specialist about her various 2e issues and none of it seemed to bother her. She said that the gifted courses are not more work, just deeper level material. That's what your DS needs. We'll see what the program is like when we actually get there and teachers can't bother to follow the IEP, though. It's easy for people to say everything will be great, but then they forget about her planner every day, or don't check their emails.

indigo: your examples are very helpful. At the beginning of the year, I referenced the 504 at the beginning of each "check-in" email, but haven't been lately. The program coordinator suggested to me that I should always let DS' teachers know about the "side stories" (that isn't part of 504) so they could be supportive when he is having issues. I think you are correct, perhaps that is going too far in the TMI direction. Also, agree, the tone of the one was inappropriate.

That said, I'm really glad there is nothing in the 504 that says it only has to be followed if/when mother is stable!

blackcat: That's what I think, too. We don't have a school that understands 2E as far as I know. I have a call in to the counselor at the MS DS is assigned to attend. Maybe I can learn from her what the school could/couldn't do to make sure DS has appropriate supports and challenging curriculum. I have friends whose child attends that school, with a similar 2E profile to my DS, and they haven't been thrilled. I just wonder if it's possible to get an (free) appropriate education with these confusing kids. I love the idea of a gifted case manager. We don't have those, here, but we do have liaisons who might be able to help.

If you are willing to move, or there are other possibilities without moving, I would call around and see what you can find out. There are several middle schools in the district and it turns out that one in particular is the place to go for "gifted" because the good people happen to be at that school. Someone in enrollment told me that. You would never know that checking out the district website though.

We can't move, but in our district the kid can transfer into any school (but not necessarily any program) with an opening.

Probably the next best choice for DS, though, is also a program that has these grade requirements. They *might* take into consideration that his B-C average was in accelerated program, but they might not.

There is only transportation to your assigned school, though, with the exception of the program he is in now. I can deliver him anywhere, but can't pick up in the afternoon.

The benefit of going to the assigned school is they can't kick him out if he gets a bad grade. That would be a nice relief from the pressure, for both of us. OTOH, DS might well interpret that as license to completely check out.

Also, all the other MS programs have MS teams, and the teachers have to have MS certification, which specifically includes developmental EF info. That would be very helpful for DS, I think. In a more normal group, I don't think he'd seem like such a big PITA because he's a nice kid, not antisocial (yet).

One thing I do find interesting is that our family friend (highly gifted, several other Es) has way more accommodations in his 504. Things that our 504 coordinator told me DS couldn't possibly have--like an extra set of books at home.

What I really think is going on: his current program can't come right out and SAY, kids with ADHD can't make it here, but that's the underlying principle. They do say, when you're applying, that "good organizational skills are a must." I just kind of blew that off, because I had no idea DS would have THIS much trouble. He was always disorganized in elementary, but always had good grades and his state test scores/performance series stuff, etc. has always been high.

Even though he struggled all year last year, his state scores were all advanced and his lexile score increased to 1600. So at least I know he is still progressing. He would do best in an environment where you just listen and then take tests, but that's not what school looks like any more.

I'm really thinking about homeschool and some virtual school next year. There are several homeschool groups in town and opportunities for a lot of interesting activities. I can do this, schedule-wise. I think it might be really good for him to have a year where he could be liked by people again and like himself. Everyone loves DS outside of a school environment. This year two of his teachers really like him and have made sure he knows that, but the rest of it has been hard on his feelings of self-worth. He thrives on being "liked" and is funny and sociable. His social language is banter and he's good at it. That is not useful in school settings, though.

This may be an early warning sign that the program is not a good "fit" OR it may be seen as an opportunity to ramp up in-school scaffolding, remediation, and accommodations, to provide the best possible ingrained, repetitive routine in school and at home so your son learns the various steps he needs to take to be organized.

The lexile score sounds great. Here he can find-a-book in his lexile level, and download a free summer reading log.

Sounds like he is progressing academically and may wish to focus on EF skills? Many people find that executive function skills, not pure academic progress, tend to be the make-or-break skills for one's future.

In general an extra set of books at home may be a common accommodation. This may depend on the child, the learning environment, the expectations as to the child's level of functioning, and what other supports are in place.

Was the lack of books at home a significant contributing factor to your son's difficulties?

In general, parents are wise to study the free advocacy information available (such as the links in another post upthread) and become familiar with what is commonly put in place to help a child with similar difficulties as compared with their child. This prepares them to confidently advocate for what their child needs, being familiar with the sources upon which they base their position.

If your son is interested in the process, you may wish to do some of your research into accommodations together. This may also help ensure you are on the same page in advocating.

Regardless of the learning environment he is in next year, there is a strong likelihood that there is more advocacy in your future... and his. You may wish to help him prepare for self-advocacy.

I feel like we tried to do the above via 504 this year but it's just not working. Some of that is compliance issues, but to be fair--I really think it's because DS needs more than 504 accommodations. For example, on 504 he is supposed to have his teachers initial his planner every day, and his study hall teacher checks it. If he hasn't done it, he's sent back (during study hall) to get all of the signatures.

The idea was for DS to take ownership of this and make it automatic. The reality is, DS absolutely DESPISES having to go back every day, but he has had to go back every day. He simply does not have the ability to remember to do this right now.

He doesn't write useful information in the planner, anyhow, in the classes where it's most needed. The very experienced, organized teachers have their assignments online, with due dates, anyhow. In the less communicative classes, DS writes one word descriptions of what they did in class that day, has no idea if anything is due or if he remembered to turn it in, so the planner thing is just punitive to him at this point. The teachers who make sure he writes useful info, already have it posted.

There also seems to be an aversion to providing written instructions for assignments, in the same classes. These are the gifted MS classes. I think the expectation is these gifted kids will remember what they are told, or will ask, or will copy down instructions if they are written on the board. Most of those kids do, probably. Or they ask their friends. DS doesn't really communicate with his friends outside of school--I've noticed a huge difference between his and his sister's social communication.

The extra set of books didn't end up being a problem, because I purchased a book for the one class where it was a problem. His 504 says: "Have student review materials to take home at end of class period." DS kept coming home without a book for one class, and couldn't do his homework on time. So I asked that teacher if he could have a book at home (to avoid having to gripe every time that the 504 says he's supposed to "review materials" to take home at the end of each class period--which is ambiguous). Teacher felt that telling DS at some point during the class, "take home your book," would be sufficient. I get it. But that doesn't work for DS, period.

I was met with some resistance on that suggestion, so I just bought the blasted book. I don't want to have to fight, and cite the 504, every time something goes awry.

I would have been perfectly happy to accept that oversights happen, if the teacher was then willing to be flexible about grading it late--but DS would be graded late regardless of the reason so that was just too much to deal with.

He also has lost his SD card (cards, really, because I keep having to buy new ones) more times than I can count in a digital photography class. I knew that was going to be an issue as soon as I saw that tiny thing. He never packs it, he never remembers to upload assignments in class when they are electronic, etc. So he loses all of the photos he's taken for a project and has nothing to work with, has to start from scratch, frequently. I told that teacher I knew this would be a problem and asked if he had any ideas. The teacher said DS could leave the SD card in class. But, again, I think he meant that DS could "remember" to leave in in class without any cueing. And he can't.

He has a very difficult time packing up his backpack at the end of class and is very slow. And the teachers generally don't allow the kids to pack up until the bell has rung, or just before. I understand why they do that. Doesn't work for DS.

He is just, all in all, a LOT of extra work. This is the first year he's noticed and felt bad about being so spacey, but it hasn't improved the organization. Because it's an EF impairment, not a willful behavior.

I don't think he can be expected to learn the EF stuff without contextualized instruction. I do what I can, but I'm not there. I don't think they are ever going to agree to evaluate him.

I just don't want to waste all of this energy any more. Kid's lost his love of learning anything academic, is moody and anxious, and generally unhappy. What's the point of that?