Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy UPDATE: Banging head against wall...

So...that we need to go talk to the school meeting we said we were going to have? http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/BB/ubbthreads.php/topics/227354/1.html

We had it. My head still hurts from banging my head against the wall after it...

The long and short of it - "we do x for advanced kids and we are doing x." Therefore, they will do nothing different. We do live in Lake Wobegon, but still...this hurts and is incredibly frustrating. (Continued pounding of my square peg into their round hole, wondering why they are not getting the "usual" results...(sigh)).

The moment you realize that your "caring" school really DOESN'T CARE, at all, about your kid. Ouch.

I empathize. BTDT. You are not alone. Unfortunately this is a common experience and has been called "matching a child to the program" rather than "matching a program to the child."

Another forum member has recently posted some research which appears to indicate that those who benefit most from the gifted programs which were the subject of study were non-gifted but high-achieving students with IQ just below the 116 threshold.

Learning that a school does not care about an individual child per se can be difficult. However sometimes finding what the school does care about may help you negotiate with them in a way that is motivating for them.

In general, at this point in time, public schools tend to care about closing gaps. As this child is female, they may care about helping close any stereotypical gender gaps. For example, math. They may be willing to assist your child in working beyond their usual prescribed gifted math program (which is often 1 or 2 years ahead of the regular curriculum) if this helps close their overall math performance gap for girls.

Wishing you all the best in advocating and/or finding a learning environment more conducive to helping your DD reach her full potential.

The moment you realize that your "caring" school really DOESN'T CARE, at all, about your kid. Ouch.

I remember that moment so well. When Dd(now12) was in third grade and I was talking to the principal about ANY kind of acceleration, she said "Well my son who is just as smart as your child didn't learn anything all year in 7th grade but he turned out just fine....blah, blah, blah" I felt sick and knew that I would never get anywhere because nobody really cared about the kids actually learning. I really feel your frustration and disappointment. We moved Dd to a gifted school and she blossomed. Good luck!

Would contacting your (state and federal) legislator help?

Your DD is exceptional so I would consider it time to up the ante.

Have your showed/walked the superintendent through the IAS?

I wonder if you had the same school principal? Shades of the same thing here.

There is a complete and fundamental failure and it would seem an unwillingness to change. Gifted students are not individuals in this way of thinking - they all get "x," and only x. Surely, our "rigorous" x is sufficient for ALL? Can you imagine if they tried to apply this logic to the other end of the spectrum???

madeinuk - unfortunately, our state laws are of no help, so although this is a good idea, I do not think it would help in our situation. Children like ours really have no protection. So if the school wants to treat them all exactly the same - or even do nothing, for that matter - it would appear that there is really very little recourse.

Our district doesn't accelerate, so it doesn't use the IAS. I have mentioned it before only to be met with blank stares.

Sorry, I am just really having a bad day. I know that others have been here before. I just really feel like I am failing my DD and I do not feel like we have great options for her right now.

Any chance you can homeschool (temporarily if nothing else) or move to a different district? I can relate to your frustration. These school districts are like factories. If you kid doesn't fit the cookie cutter curriculum too bad. Our district fails kids on the other end of the spectrum as well.

Thanks, blackcat. No option is off the table, right now. Many sleepless (worried) nights. We don't really have public school choice here, so I do not believe that that specific option is available to us. I am trying to figure out the best way to keep/revive her interest in learning (in addition to reading a ton, she has been writing quite a few lengthy books, lately, apparently...instead of homework), while getting her to next year - which COULD be a better fit (but after what we have been through, I am thinking we almost need to apply for part-time homeschooling for next year, so we have options if it isn't a good fit).

What if you actually moved to a different district, as in, find a new house? In terms of homeschooling, I would give her a choice as much as possible. Either she has to figure out how to get through the school day and do the work to the best of her ability, or she can stay at home but then has to do what you say (albeit for a more limited amount of time each day...you could probably teach her more in 2 hours than what she learns in 7 hours of school).

Wow. Just wow. There is so much wrong wrapped up in that principal's comment. For her son as well as for all children.