Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Help with social skills for 11DS

Just saw the post and wanted to add a few things.

Both my kids were shy and when they started school, both had socially challenges in terms of making friends and participating in class discussions. I have been trying several things over the years and I have to say that practice in different social situations helped the most.

I tried to provide them lots of social interaction so that they can practice their social skills. I invited class friends for a playdate. (Sometimes, even they didn't invite my kids back and I invited them again and again. :-) ) I invited one child at a time so that it's not overwhelming. I tried to arrange birthday parties and include all class friends. When it's school break, I tried to send them to camps, so they will be in a group of kids that they have never seen. Interacting with different kids will help them in different ways vs playing with the same kids over and over again. I started to send them with school bus (social interaction opportunity of 15-20 mins every weekday). I also tried to empower their independence. Coming from our culture, I figured I was doing too much for my kids and doing all those things slowed them down to learn to do many things by themselves. When I drop them off to classes, I started to send them from my car instead of walking them to their class. When we were in café or so, I gave them the money and asked them to go buy a food/drink themselves. In short, I took each and every opportunity to practice their social skills.

In short, I would suggest lot of practice this year. You have plenty of time until next year :-)

You've received a lot of great advice - I'll just add one thing. My ds had a really tough time making friends in elementary school, due to issue with speech (some expressive language, some related to pragmatic speech). I have invested a ton of time working directly with him to practice social skills, but really what helped most was having the input of professionals in addition to my experience parenting him. Both were really critical. I realize a once-a-week class sounds slow, so does once-per-week therapy, but I wouldn't discount the tremendous it might make for a child who is 2e and might actually need some very specific skill-oriented training. It's just not always that clear-cut and easy to figure out as a parent. That doesn't mean that you don't work with your child - just means that getting that extra input from a professional working with your child was invaluable for us. YMMV of course

Best wishes,

polarbear

My experience is 5th-8th grades are very hard socially. Your son in not alone here. Kids who struggle with social cues and are a bit slow on the social development really have a hard time during these grades. Keep in mind that the other kids are also learning their social skills and while they might be better than your son's they don't tend to be the most empathetic.

I know how hard it can be. My son crashed and burned in 6th grade socially. (Still in elementary in his case.) We had high hopes that things would change in junior high but while it did get better, he isolated himself and didn't really try to make friends. At the time he though the other kids immature and didn't think anyone else liked the same things he did.

I did put him in a social skills class for about 6 months starting at the end of 6th grade, and was seeing a therapist for a while then. And for the past year+ in H.S. (There is more than just the social skills, he has anxiety disorder.) I am sure this helped but it didn't show immediately. I don't know exactly what went on in those meetings as I wasn't invited. Mostly I think it was stuff he absorbed but wasn't read to put into practice till he was a bit older. I'm not giving you much specific advice here except I did get professional help. Learning social skills takes time & practice. Even though DS is smart doesn't mean he can pick this type of thing up fast. It takes practice and it can be a bit demoralizing when the other kids have their own agenda's & don't necessarily follow a script.

My DS is a junior in H.S. now. In terms of his social skills you almost can't recognize him. While he's not the most social kid in the school. He has friends, he has joined clubs at school, he just joined an activity by himself recently that has me grinning from ear-to-ear. We went to Thanksgiving at a friends of mine and he conversed politely with the adults and other teens he had never met. I am very proud of how self confident he is these days. The difference is at 6/7th grades he wanted me in his confidence and now he wants me to go away and let him do it HIMSELF. He is in Marching Band and attends a small wilderness camp in the summer. Both have been very good for him emotionally & socially.