Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion I made a terrible mistake.

I wll try to make this short and to the point.

Yesterday we went to a Museum. My 7 yr. old learned all about sleep. The exhibit had interactive videos and data. He completed the entire exhibit from start to end. Probably an hours time. He retained the entire exhibit and all the informational videos.

Last night at bedtime he cried and cried. I finally got him to share what was wrong. He was afraid of getting sleep paralysis.

I let my spouse supervise during this particular exhibit. I had no idea it would touch on something like that. My spouse did not even notice this part of the exhibit.

He has not brought it up since this morning, I am hoping he does not tonight.

I underestimate how overwhelming some types of information effect him. I feel so bad that it scared him like this. I hope he is not traumatized for life.

He has ASD (Aspie)

It's not a mistake Maisey, it's just something that happened. Please don't beat yourself up over it though I get how stressful the fallout can be. Such things can happen for all kinds of reasons and will again because you honestly don't know what will affect your child so strongly at times. It happens with our DD. She is not aspie but she can react very intensely to things. Take it as a learning moment for how you respond to such events so you can develop strategies as you move forward.

You have not done anything wrong, your DS was attentive to details that passed others by. He will recover and this too shall pass. I usually counter such fears with more information if it will be accepted, or sometimes it's about acknowledging the fears and a discussion about the likelihood or not, or how to deal with things if they do happen.

We had to discuss who would look after DD in the event of DH and I dying suddenly in an accident. Ugh. Not a conversation you really want late at night with a then 5 year old but she wasn't dropping it. She felt better just knowing there was a plan in place and she had input into it.

Right.

And: the more he learns that you can be worried about something bad and yet it does NOT happen, the more he can calibrate the worry appropriately.

Not sheltering a child with ASD is lots more work in the short term (meltdowns!) but in the long run it's better to not shelter them too much. They need more practice managing in the world, not less-- giving them practice helps them get where they need to be.

So: good job! Not a mistake! Keep going! Truly.

DeeDee

I'm going to suggest that you find out about sleep paralysis and talk with him about it, the rarity, the treatment, and what to do. My own experience is why: when I was in grade school, October was Fire Safety Month. The fireman would come to school and tell us how to be safe:
Don't sleep near the fire (the fireplace was on the wall adjacent to my bedroom, my bed was up against the wall),
Don't leave dry cloths laying about (my mom was puzzled that I wouldn't wring out my washcloth; yes, I was a literal kid: Other fabrics were fabric, not cloths, this was a washCLOTH, don't let it dry. They meant dry chemical-laden rags, I think.),
Have a plan for escape in the night (I slept in my robe and slippers for months after each October).
There was more, thank goodness I can't remember now.

If someone had addressed my fears instead of poo-pooing them or ignoring them, I'd have slept better for years.

oh I think we all have these moments, like the time my dd had an existential crisis after visiting a florist because of all the flowers that were just starting to die...

However let him know from a bonafide sleep paralysis sufferer (survivor) that despite the fact that it can be very scary, once you know what it is, it is exceedingly easy to overcome - maybe that can help!

I don't sleep on my back and my partner knows to massage /scratch my hand to bring me round should anything happen.

My DD hasn't started yet with this but we have a policy of allows attending in the night if there is crying - I remember my biggest issue was that my mum thought I was being ridiculous and would punish me for screaming out in the night and waking her up.. (I was 12) As a sleep deprived parent I kind of see her point. Terrifying though, I haven't had an attack in 20 years and I still remember how bad it was - nothing like seeing your door open and a ghoulie coming for you - eek

I agree that it's not a mistake and that it's a good idea for you to learn more about it and then explain it to your son in terms he can understand.

The most important thing, I think, is for him to understand that sleep paralysis is a temporary condition. Sometimes when people are waking up, they can't move or talk. The problem can also happen when drifting off to sleep, but it's more common when waking up. It goes away quickly.

It's very important to understand that people don't go to sleep and become permanently paralyzed for mysterious reasons.

This has happened to us more times than I can remember. Someone makes a seemingly innocuous statement or observation, DS hears it, and a few hours later his anxiety is off the charts.

Rational reasoning sometimes helps. But with anxiety, it won't always. For some things, exposure to a mild version of the fear can help. For instance, if your kid is afraid of riding his bike, try to get him to ride it for just one minute. After that proves that he won't die, maybe two minutes, etc.

Not a mistake, just something that happened. If it wasn't that, it would be something else eventually.

For me, specific episodes of the Waltons and Little House on the Prairie triggered bedtime fears and rituals that lasted for years. I'm quite sure my parents didn't expect anything from letting me watch the shows. Nor did I say a word to them, because I was the sort of kid who was embarrassed to share those sorts of thoughts. So be glad yours is telling you!

Prior posters have advice, but please, don't beat yourself over this happening!

It's part and parcel of having kids like ours. My son overheard a friend telling us that the vet thinks it was a coyote that got her little doggie (doggie lived), and after that.... that's all I heard any time we went outside our house. Trash night? What about the coyote. Time to catch the bus? What about the coyote. We have since moved and so glad for that since I don't have to hear about a coyote. And we lived in a small town where a coyote would have definitely been a very rare occurrence.

He is also very sensitive to death. We do a lot to try to vet books and movies until he can handle it better. But you can't always scout out every exhibit ahead of time or know just what fact they will latch on to. All you can do is let them know that they are safe.

I say this as a person who watched Amadeus in 1984 and didn't sleep for months afraid of Black Death. I think if you had instances of childhood fears, you're more sensitive and worry more about them being scarred for life.

And sleep paralysis... ugh. I did feel a lot better about it after I learned more about it. Once I remember waking up and staring at the green walls. Only my walls were white. I eventually painted them the green I saw I don't get it often, but as GI Joe says, knowing is half the battle.

Hugs to you - I agree with what everyone has said above - not your fault!

Anxiety is quite often irrational, and therefore you will not be able to predict everything that triggers it. I have often been floored at things I thought innocuous that caused an anxious reaction in my kids. And conversely, things I found bothersome or scary had little to no effect on my kids.

So trying to screen your DS from everything will generally not be useful - unless you know there are things that trigger a reaction. Even for things which are known to trigger anxiety - you will likely want to expose your kids in small doses so that they see they will eventually be OK.