Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Overwhelmed by the idiosyncratic interests

I love that DS8 has so many interests and cares so much about learning but I feel like I am nearing the end of the usefulness that I can be in helping him along. There is only so much I can fake being interested in topics that don't interest me very much. Yesterday he launched into what was basically a dissertation of the Crimean War, and drew a map of the area to illustrate his points (from memory). Dh and I were just sitting there gaping at him. At first, we couldn't remember when the Crimean War was. And pretty soon I'm not going to be of much help with math either (he goes to 6th grade for math). The other day I was watching a documentary with him and I got bored after about a half hour, so I went to the bathroom hoping he would keep watching it. I came out of the bathroom, and there he was standing there in the hallway. He said "I paused it. So are you ready to finish it now?" Sighing, I went back to watch the rest of it with him even though I really wanted to just curl up in bed with a silly novel. Or make dinner. I don't know if the teacher is even aware that he is like a walking encyclopedia and that he surpasses most adults in terms of knowledge in some areas. I will bring it up at conferences, but I don't know what they would do anyway. They can accelerate him in math, but what about social studies and history?

He is too immature to do a full grade acceleration and he is 2e so it would cause all kinds of complications. I guess I don't expect anyone to have the answers but just wanted to see if anyone feels the same way and if you have any tips.

I may sound like a horrible parent here, but I honestly believe it's ok to not share our children's every interest, and to not have to sit through long videos we're not really that interested in! My teenage dd, for instance, loves to sing. She'd sing for me all day if she could, and that would drive me nuts. She has a beautiful voice, she's taking voice lessons, she's discovering she has a beautiful voice, but I still can't think straight when I'm listening to her sing. Same thing with ds who plays keyboard and composes. He loves loves loves to share his music, but with both of them, I will tell them if it's not a good time for me to listen, and I had to learn how to do that without feeling guilt over it Blackcat, it's clear you are a caring and adoring parent... your ds will survive if you don't follow him down every niche and cranny of every history topic he becomes obsessed with! Let him know you love how he loves to learn, but he won't think you him any less if you acknowledge that loving him doesn't require you to love the details of the Crimean War

It will also be ok when he's doing math that you don't know how to do. Or speaking Spanish 5 years ahead of wherever you left off in school etc. The important thing is to enjoy your time with him, even though it might mean finding a middle ground that isn't always his first choice.


JMO, but the thing about studying social studies and history isn't so much memorizing all the details as it is contemplating the complexity of it all, making connections, sometimes just reading and enjoying it. The deep thinking, across the board, was a challenge for our ds in elementary school because it just didn't happen in classroom conversations. What helped the most was moving him to a classroom (which for him was in a different school) where there was a higher population of higher-IQ kids and also the overall curriculum was one year ahead of the public school. The teachers can also make a *huge* difference, depending on how they teach and what they expect the children to do with the facts that are taught (i.e., are the teachers just shoveling facts in and expecting memorization, or are they encouraging students to think at whatever level they are at?).

Anyway, as you know, my ds is 2e also. Moving him to a more advanced curriculum wasn't an issue due to 2e - the issues with 2e have always been tied to teacher willingness to allow accommodations and to accept that ds has a 2nd e and not mixing up behaviors related to the 2nd e with laziness or lack of motivation. Those issues can arise in *any* level of classroom. On the flip side, ds always worked better in an accelerated classroom - his challenges didn't go away, but he had his intellectual strengths met in a more meaningful way, so he was happier overall.

Best wishes,

polarbear

I don't try to do everything. In that situation I would just tell him to finish up and that I need to make dinner. For the big topics of interest I've tried these:

1. Can you make some illustrations/create a time line? I need more visual aides.

2. Why don't you record what you want to say and we'll email it to your (insert lucky relative here)! Then you can call them and talk about it.

3. Can you make up a fictional story with illustrations that teaches this concept? Then you can read it to your brother.

Haha, I've been there. When DD had just turned six we memorably spent An Entire Day playing space. We played with her toy astronauts and rocket, looked through her space books, watched documentaries, when I tried to get us making tinfoil bracelets she made an entire anatomically-correct tinfoil solar system and turned my bracelets into distant spiral galaxies … you get the idea. When I'd finally had enough I went to hide in the bathroom too! And she slipped a note under the door saying "There are no toilets in space".

I loled so much! And that note (now framed and hung in the bathroom!) is what finally made us decide to have her tested. But my tip is to outsource - I've signed her up to heaps of clubs and activities so she can share the joy with other enthusiasts. I have to say I mostly do listen because she has some very interesting hot topics but even so I never thought I'd learn so much about particle physics!

So fingers crossed there's a Crimea enthusiasts group near you

Exactly, this is one of the problems! No one cares about stuff like this! You can find math/science type clubs/activities for kids, but history for an 8 year old? I really don't understand what the fascination is.

I think I feel bad for him because he must feel isolated, like we don't care about any of this and that maybe we're even stupid. I don't want him on a message board like this in another 20 years saying "I loved history, but my parents just didn't get it." Right now in school they are defining words like "agriculture". I feel bad that he has to sit through that, just like I did when he was forced to sit through 5+5 in first grade. But I don't even see what the solution would be. They can give him documentaries to watch, if they are so inclined, but in order to have a real life discussion with other human beings, they would probably have to send him to the high school.

blackcat, I don't know about younger children's groups, but in our area there are quite a few adult groups that are centered around different areas of interest in history, plus lectures on history frequently at our library. I suspect you can continue to find documentaries online or through pbs etc - the key is to not think that you have to be on top of all the learning too - let your child make his own discoveries. If you have a university nearby, with a history department, you could try to find a college student to mentor him outside of school. Or if you have a retirement or assisted living home (or elderly relatives or friends), perhaps they could get him interested in some more recent history (from their youth or from stories they know from their grandparents etc).

I also wouldn't assume that history in school will always be non-interesting for your ds simply because of his higher IQ. The teacher is so key - my kids have had some amazingly wonderful history teachers in middle and high school - teachers who made history come alive which lit their interest in making connections rather than just gobbling in information and facts.

Hang in there!

polarbear

I suppose all your local tours of museums and historic houses etc are too lightweight? I often sign up DD for holiday programs for 13+ year olds, maybe an art history class at the gallery, or something like a naval history museum? Libraries often have heritage events, and we occasionally go to free public lectures at the universities.
Another thing I do is keep an eye on the events listings for the local homeschoolers, they very often organize unusual but interesting outings and don't mind DD and I tagging along. DD's teacher is fully onboard with me sneaking her out of school every couple of months to go do something more worthwhile and I'm just very vague with the office about why DD is away today

I took him to the art institute and we were stuck in the "China" room for 20 min. because he wanted to read all the informational signage. The china room was full of old dishes. That was what was fascinating. After a while I asked if we could move on to a different room. I'll have to dig around and see what I can find, but most programs that would be up to his ability level would have age limits and he wouldn't be in the limit.

I don't mind taking him to museums, historic sites, etc. We're going to Boston next summer and I'm going to put a lot of historic stuff on the itinerary. I just feel like he is quickly losing me, I'm not quite up to his level of fascination, and he has no peers.

Don't panic He'll find more and more like minds the older he gets, especially at university - and he'll look back fondly and remember you making the effort to take him to all these places even if you don't share the same level of enthusiasm. Take him, bring a book You don't have to be all things to him, just a facilitator. It's perfectly fine for him to have a personal obsession or two without you right there with him every step

Thanks AvaCado (and others). I guess I just need to find a balance. I do wish that he had someone in the school that can bear some of the "burden" (not sure if that's the right word). I'm going to show the teacher the map he drew of the Black Sea area tomorrow at his conference and see what she says. It's possible that she has no idea what is going on, although that would be odd because he was dragging a War Encyclopedia around everywhere, including school, for a few weeks. If she is clueless after that, I guess that's proof that he's just a warm body collecting tax revenue.