Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Freak show on display

I agree with most of this...when DD11 was accepted into the program DS12 is now attending, she asked me if I was proud of her and I said I am happy for you, but being proud of this (since it's IQ based) would be like being proud of your having blue eyes, or blonde hair.

Not to be hypersensitive (ha!), but I'd take the same angle on the empathy and ease of social savvy, since a lot of people have issues in these areas that are not related to effort and/or character. I think parents of kids with behavioral challenges feel a lot of guilt and feel judged when their children don't share these talents. (Tangent, sorry, it just sorta jumped out at me--see how easy it is to be accidentally offensive/hurtful?)

I reserve my "pride," if that's the right word, for perseverance, acts of altruism, and other things that reflect the values I hope my children are developing and incorporating into their personalities.

My "little professor" (DS12) has always been introduced similarly to what you describe--although that seems to have lessened as he's grown older. I think it's natural for people to find something to identify or label a kid with in these types of situations. I understood the "freak show" to be tongue-in-cheek. I suspect the parent in question had no idea this kind of introduction might be a sensitive topic.

Though even when the person has a more innate ability, they still have to figure out how to apply it, over time, in a constructive way.

With DS, it took him time to figure out how to relate to different types / ages of kids. Even though building up a repertoire of tools to use and figuring out how to apply them in every given situation is something he naturally excels at, it's an accomplishment he should be proud of.

Pride in one's accomplishments can be rooted in one's strengths just as much as one's ability to overcome weaknesses.

Well, my children are constantly getting comments on their hair color from strangers, friends, relatives. I never know what to say.... it's awkward...

"Well thank you - yes I personally picked out those genes for them."

People mean well. I just tell my kids to say "Thank you" and change the subject.

It's so weird to realize how people view you and your family from the outside - recently we attended a big event and I got a compliment for how well my kids behaved. In reality DS spent the whole time clinging to me because he was overwhelmed, while DD didn't eat a thing during dinner and managed her anxiety by playing with putty.

I have tons of socially inappropriate ideas . There is a difference between what you think and can write on an anonymous forum and what you say in casual conversation. Don't parents feel proud when their children are very good-looking? It's not uncommon for people to praise the looks of someone's children, and the parents receiving such praise are rarely displeased by it.

One's choice of mate changes the odds in the genetic lottery, so getting winning tickets is partly a result of good earlier choices, and pride in getting a winning ticket is not irrational.

I am not saying one should boast about one's children about parties, but receiving praise about their accomplishments sounds like a good problem to have.

Great wisdom in those words.

Sounds promising for an ongoing friendship between the two families.

Agreed.

Sometimes I like when it's out on the table right off the bat.

Then I don't have wait for the awkward moment of, "Is your child reading at this age?!" The big eyes, the moment they are wondering if my kid is the advanced one or if their child is behind. Sometimes people look at our art wall and just stare, then look at me and say, "There is no way your child did this artwork by themself!"

This is interesting because as I thought through various scenarios, I realized that I have some distinct different reactions to different situations.

A lot of time, when people who know DD realize that I'm her parent, I get "oh, she's so smart / smartest one in class" or turning to friend or spouse and saying "she's the one I was telling you about who's so smart" or similar. This doesn't really bug me and I usually just take it in stride. After all, she IS smart and it's not really my doing or my fault. In this context, it really is similar to saying "with the red hair" or "the really tall little girl."

On the other hand, I react very differently when people do this sort of thing in group introductions. It's just feels so announcement-like. I'm a private person and I really hate when people do this with any kind of personal information. For example, I went to a dinner at a friend's house with a bunch of other women and she introduced everyone to everyone else by going around the room and telling everyone stuff about everyone's life. All the details were nice and even complimentary -- my friend meant no harm -- but I nearly died on the spot hearing facts about myself broadcast to a room of near-strangers. I think "brilliant daughter" got a mention, but so did a bunch of other things that, while I don't necessarily keep secret, I don't need everyone hearing about from a third person. It just comes across as "let me tell you interesting things about all the interesting people I know."

Gah, sorry for the rant. But I agree with the original poster. I think this sort of introduction should be more like: "This is George everyone, his son is Daniel -- he and Mary met at soccer camp last summer." Then everyone can decide on their own how much to share about their lives and children.

Reminds me of that scene in Bridget Jones, "Perpetua, this is Mark, a top barrister..."

I'm not too bothered at this point if it comes up in conversations- what I don't like is when dd's attendance at a test in group that most have not heard of is brought up and then left to me to explain what it is. I guess like your situation only if no one new of the school and you then had to go and explain that it is for gifted kids and yes you really did think it was necessary at age 4 to join up and yes, despite being happy at school she still needs to go