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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 226
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Wow aquinas - that's something else. Good thing you are able to see it as experimentation!
My DS7 got the after-school staff all worried by his thought experiments with 'nothingness'. For several weeks he kept asking us (and others, I guess) what it would be like to feel nothing. Not just having your eyes closed, because then you would still see black and that wouldn't be nothing. I think the after-care staff thought he was depressed.
Actually, because he's not super talkative, and it's hard to know what's going on in his head, we were a bit worried as well. All we get are these (seemingly) random questions over a period of days, with no explanation.
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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 226
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Looking at the school work DS brought home yesterday (last day of school). They were making a booklet of 'school memories'. The last page he completed said "Something you remember from this year", and DS wrote "This second" and drew a picture of himself saying "1 mississipi".
LOL!
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,513 Likes: 1
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Today he seemed particularly pleased to have come up with what he thinks is the ultimate bad scenario for me: me being forced to kill him, then being required to live a time in his absence with my guilt, followed by my own death. Thankfully we were at home when DS, displeased at not getting his way, loudly compelled me to kill him repeatedly, complete with brief pauses in pathos to check my reaction. My dispassionate, "No, I'm not going to kill you or allow myself to be killed," would probably have been met by raised eyebrows in public. DS is not a child for faint-hearted parents, and I would be terribly unfulfilled with a less, shall we say, experimental child. Life is always interesting here.  My son's version of this (when younger): if you HAD to kill either me or DD, who would you choose? He would insist I answer--but I don't think my answers were ever very satisfying. Yes, thankful these were private conversations. Eco, how did you answer? It's a harrowing question.
What is to give light must endure burning.
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,513 Likes: 1
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Wow aquinas - that's something else. Good thing you are able to see it as experimentation!
My DS7 got the after-school staff all worried by his thought experiments with 'nothingness'. For several weeks he kept asking us (and others, I guess) what it would be like to feel nothing. Not just having your eyes closed, because then you would still see black and that wouldn't be nothing. I think the after-care staff thought he was depressed.
Actually, because he's not super talkative, and it's hard to know what's going on in his head, we were a bit worried as well. All we get are these (seemingly) random questions over a period of days, with no explanation. It sounds like a similar thought process. I have the benefit of being at home with DS 23/7, so I get to witness the global context in which the darker "musings" are taking place: usually preceded and followed by lots of smiling, giggling silliness. It also helps that DS seems to have no internal monologue (;)), so I'm privy to the intermediate steps in logic and DS' reactions to them. I can easily see outsiders missing the context of DS' statements and thinking he's severely depressed. (Red faced crying, screaming, "Kill me, kill me, I want to DIE!") In reality, it's the natural intersection of emotional OE, inquisitiveness, and hyperbole in the moment. If the downward spiral isn't broken, he has a tendency to get even more disconsolate and act out further. I find the best way to defuse it is to gently acknowledge the underlying feelings and events that are triggering the over-reaction, then let DS sit and snuggle with me and feel those emotions safely as long as he needs. Then we launch into logical discussions and strategize better ways to express frustration or avoid triggering situations. Harsh punishments don't work with DS-- he needs even more gentleness than usual to break the loop. I once saw the line, "My child isn't giving me a hard time, he's having a hard time," and it's a mental touchstone in those moments. Last night I talked DS down from the "I don't want to exist/I want to die" to "I want what I want when I want it" (don't we all?) and "I'm frustrated that you took away my mask when I hurled it at a mirror." When he arrived at, "I need to stop and think before I throw something indoors", we pretended he had a time machine, and I asked him to act out sharing his findings with his past self in the moment. I give him a LOT of credit for being able to switch over to rationality so quickly. I LOVE this forum! Thanks Eco and Can2K for sharing similar experiences.
What is to give light must endure burning.
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Joined: Nov 2012
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Looking at the school work DS brought home yesterday (last day of school). They were making a booklet of 'school memories'. The last page he completed said "Something you remember from this year", and DS wrote "This second" and drew a picture of himself saying "1 mississipi".
LOL! Love it!
What is to give light must endure burning.
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Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,261 Likes: 8
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... I was supposed to write a fiction story for language arts, but I didn't want to so I wrote a letter to the district telling them how much they suck instead No doubt they'll take it as fiction...!  Someone will have an interesting time grading that response.
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Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 647
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Posts: 647 |
Eco, how did you answer? It's a harrowing question. I tried several approaches. Rational: I have never heard of any such scenario in real life. This will not happen. (that one was met with serious eye-rolling, bc I'd missed the point) Emotional: Are you worried about something? (more eye-rolling) Final response: If this were to happen--I'm pretty certain the stress of the situation would cause me to have a heart attack, so I wouldn't have to choose, after all. (sighs, gives up) On a similar note (and NOT for the parenting books), I came up with a horrifying but perfect way to respond when sibling-bickering, "it's not fair," "why does DS/DD get to do/have X and I don't?" I used to spend an inordinate amount of time explaining that equal isn't fair, different strokes for different folks, etc., a complete waste of breath. Then I hit upon the response, complete deadpan: "Why, because he/she is my favorite, of course." [I KNOW that sounds absolutely despicable--and wouldn't do it now that tweendom/hormones/sensitivity are upon us...but for a brief, blissful period of time...this would stop both dead in their tracks, and then they'd erupt in peals of laughter. I called it a win.]
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Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 647
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Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 647 |
Looking at the school work DS brought home yesterday (last day of school). They were making a booklet of 'school memories'. The last page he completed said "Something you remember from this year", and DS wrote "This second" and drew a picture of himself saying "1 mississipi".
LOL! Love it! Me, too! Oh my gosh. And it's so cute when they do that when young. Unfortunately, this sounds an awful lot like my DS12, still. In middle school. Not so cute any more.
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Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 647
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Here's one from this year. First thing out of DS' mouth one morning (early, I hadn't had my coffee!)
"Mama, do I exist...or am I a figment of your imagination?"
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Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 647
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Posts: 647 |
That's awesome aquinas!
DS7 also has sensory issue that were making it hard to learn to swim (actually, both my kids did). DS has refused up until now to either jump into the pool or put his face and head into the water. This is after many, many private lessons and many instructors encouraging him to do so.
He finally seems to have overcome this, and I'm not sure why or how. At the start of the latest session he just decided he was going to learn to do this - he spent the whole 30 minute session putting his face, and then his head in the water - on his own! And he was clearly not enjoying it - the look on his face each time was priceless! But he was determined to do this, for whatever reason. Now on the third lesson, it seems easier for him and he's actually floating on his front and made it across the (small kiddie) pool with hands out front and kicking his feet.
Now if I can only convince him to wear his goggles.... Sorry I'm responding one by one, it's just too time consuming to quote a lot in one thread. We've always been big swimmers and DD was a water-baby. DS at that age "knew" how to swim from lessons but did NOT like his face getting wet, so recreationally, he'd gear up in a ski-vest AND a swim ring AND water wings, if I recall correctly. It was one of those kinda cute/quirky at age 4 but son, you're starting to really look strange now that you're older. Still, he didn't care and I couldn't convince him. Until... That fateful day when one of his former kindergarten classmates, and a GIRL to boot, visited our neighborhood pool and was hurling herself off the diving board with reckless abandon. He stayed out of the pool (and his various flotation devices) but I could tell he was *really* uncomfortable. One private lesson later, he was going off the diving board without all the *gear* and has not been touchy about water in his face since. I think he realized getting splashed in the face is actually more uncomfortable than submerging, maybe...not sure, but I was grateful. Because he really did look a little goofy, kinda swimming without making any actual contact with the water...
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