Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Have you ever sensed "retaliation?"

You can flick through the book online, at Amazon, using the "look inside" feature, here. The book consists of 5 sections; Section 4 is exclusively dedicated to special education law in the USA. Material in other sections guides parents through understanding test results, understanding the child's disability, organizing and documenting, preparing for meetings, maintaining control, tactics and strategies, rules for successful problem solving, pitfalls of letter writing, and understanding the negative impact of an emotional approach.

While the specific laws may differ considerably in different countries, some may find the book well worth the price for the overall encouragement to maintain a positive, factual tone despite inevitable difficulties.

The Wrights book is lendable from my Amazon library--if you want to look at it before purchasing, PM me an email address and I'm happy to share it.

The year before my son's skip, those 2 teachers got him and bent over backwards to do what they needed to do for him. The next year, year of my son's skip, those 2 receiving teachers were so accepting and his biggest cheerleaders. One became a new dad and saw me in the library and was asking me about my early parenting (not asking if I hot housed but more looking for advice).

But I feel a tiny bit of not retaliation per say but more an attitude that eh he isn't as hot stuff as everyone thinks he is. And what is funny is he thinks that he could have skipped this grade too and that fifth grade curriculum isn't as hot stuff as they think it is. So the feeling is mutual.

I'm reviving this old thread, because...here we go again.

Yesterday, DS told me a couple of things his teachers said to him. Highly unusual for him to share this sort of thing. I wonder how often he is treated this way?

Teacher One said, "I'm not emailing your mother back because this is YOUR responsibility."
(I had emailed her asking about a project's due date, which he failed to write in his planner and had forgotten. One of his 504 accommodations is that I email weekly to check in and they have to respond within 24 hours. The 504 coordinator bristled when I asked for the added "and teachers will reply" language but it was clearly necessary.)

Teacher Two said, "You are losing points!" to DS (publicly) when DS blurted "hi" to a friend who had come to the front of the class to present. This teacher doesn't give any written feedback on the students' assignments--so I have no idea how many times DS has had grade reductions for behavioral issues.

Anyhew--this is almost over and I am reporting all of this but it makes me so angry when DS tells me these little anecdotes that I literally shake.

That may be the body going into fight-or-flight mode: adrenaline rising, blood pressure too. This can happen when a person is confronted with a threat and does not know what to do next, that will be effective.

You may wish to create your dated documentation very carefully, so it is factual, unemotional, and refers to the 504 frequently.

If the 504 states she will respond to the parent via e-mail then she is not free to unilaterally change this requirement.

You may wish to refer to what the 504 stipulates a teacher is to do regarding classroom behavior.

You may also wish to suggest the creation of a grading rubric if one is not already used for each assignment, to help reduce the incidence of grades being capriciously assigned, based on other spur-of-the-moment criteria.

Yup. I generally "freeze," but "fight" is emerging. Mostly just protective, keep DS safe.

Check. I referred to the 504 (just to remind them he has one) and said I believe the teacher is penalizing academic grades because of disability related behaviors. However, this is not addressed in the 504.

I requested some feedback in writing to evaluate how many behavior related grade deductions have occurred.

There is *nothing* in 504 about how to deal with behavioral issues. It is all organizational, in terms of accommodations. I have asked several times for him to have a BIP and have not succeeded.

First, the 504 coordinator told me that "the district now wants BIP to go through SPED, instead of under 504."

Then the SPED processor, as part of her decision to evaluate, send out surveys and DS was doing well (all new teachers, beginning of year) and so he did not qualify for evaluation--or, I guess, BIP as far as she was concerned.

Later, I was told that *any* student, regardless of 504 or IEP status, could be given a BIP--initiated by counselor--if the school felt it warranted.

I attempted to talk to the program coordinator, after DS came home from school saying he'd spent two class periods sitting out in the hall, on the floor, alone because he was in trouble. I asked, again, if perhaps he could have a BIP and had a circular conversation in which the coordinator finally arrived at: maybe DS could request to sit out in the hall when he is anxious and impulsive.

I think part of the problem is that DS' behaviors are annoying and low-level, but increase with anxiety, and eventually start to get on everyone's nerves. He hasn't had a referral to admin this year but maybe it's a death by a thousand cuts situation.

If DS weren't frequently referring to having "no reason to live," refusing to go to school, having melt-downs, and actually communicating (rare!) some of the things that are stressing him out, I'd have no way of knowing that things aren't going well for him, emotionally, at school.

The grading policy at the middle school here is that grades are based on the actual learning, not behavior. The more I hear about your school the more toxic it sounds. Did you decide if he will be going back there?

If a disability affects educational performance (which it does, if they are grading based on behavioral factors), then the student should qualify for accommodations/modifications. Do they think the behavior issues are unrelated to the disability, or they would just be like this with any disabled student? Honestly, though, I don't think you are ever going to get through to them. If it were just the teachers, then you could maybe get somewhere, but it's also the support staff and admin.

I don't want him to go back next year. Next year is supposed to be so much better, though, the kids only have one "gifted" class and that teacher is exceptional and experienced.

I'm reporting/documenting mostly because I really think he needs an IEP or at the least a BIP and haven't been able to convince anyone of this yet.

The other day, when I was actually on this board, reading...a special education attorney showed up at my front door. He is running for local office; it was just a fluke. I don't really believe in signs from God or omens or anything else like that--but pretty strange, huh? This guy and his wife are both SPED lawyers and have a bunch of kids with disabilities, including a son with Asperger's who is very bright, and is evidently very happy and successful at his school. Incidentally, his school is our "assigned" school but is not a gifted program.

Maybe that's a sign? If I had to pick between gifted accommodations/services and disability accommodations/services I would go for the latter. Not that gifted isn't important too, but sometimes it's impossible to find both. Plus it's a sign that the people at the school are more competent overall, if they understand the disability aspect. When schools can't even get that right, there is little hope, IMO.

Even if you were to get a BIP or IEP I don't think the people at the current school would even follow it or give him meaningful services. It would only be helpful at a new school.

I talked to the counselor at the assigned school--she is an acquaintance of mine and has a very open/warm personality. I was trying to give her the short version of the back story and she was pretty validating that things aren't kosher over there.

She agrees that it is tricky to know how to schedule DS, if he attends her school next year. She suggested a partial day home/virtual school (geometry, not offered at MS), and enroll DS for one core (probably English) followed by Jazz Band and another 8th grade elective. This way he could be at b & m school in the afternoon, have friends, and some structure. He knows many kids at that school because he went to elementary with them.

She said she didn't know if it would be any easier to get an IEP there, since his IQ and performance aren't uneven. At any rate, she said it is a lengthy process. Of course, we could keep his 504 in place and maybe tweak it a little?

She thinks the program he's in is probably unhappy with me for "calling them out," that they probably really don't want 2E kids there, but can't say that.

DS didn't go to school today, primarily because it sounds to me like he is in more danger of his grade dropping (in that one class) by attending, than by staying put. Also, he wouldn't get up. Yee haw.

He has finals next week and that is it. 2.5 days. He is caught up in his classes and his grades are pretty good, as long as he doesn't go to school and have points docked for behavior.

I'm pretty exhausted. I know for sure I can't continue spending my entire life worrying about how DS is performing/behaving/being treated at school.

I think we have several better options for next year. Running away and living as hermits in the woods is one of them. :P