Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Have you ever sensed "retaliation?"

One thing to keep in mind Eco is that most 2E parents on this board have reported at some point that their kids have been called "lazy", "unmotivated", "distracted", "disrespectful", "manipulative", etc. Many have been kept out of gifted programming or threatened with removal as a direct result of their disabilities.

My DD is considered the hardest working, most dedicated, focused kid they have ever seen by most people who "get" her, 2E and the extent of her challenges. I have been told over and over that she has to work 5 times harder than NT kids to get half the results. People who don't get it, though, feel a need to place her into some kind of familiar category. When she was younger the giftedness was obvious so if she wasn't writing, reading or doing math it was obviously a choice being made by a spoiled little snowflake with parents who were making excuses for her. As she has gotten older the disabilities have become more obvious so the high level comprehension abilities are just our fantasies because we can't accept the reality of her limitations.

DD is a sweet, kind, generous kid. People have explained to me over the years that this personality makes her vulnerable to bullying by both kids and adults. Teachers dismiss one E or the other, resent having to spend extra time and effort accommodating a situation they do not believe is real and often feel like it is up to them to teach these kids a lesson. Parents of "real special Ed kids" (ie those with Down's Syndrome or serious physical disabilities) have accused me of "taking advantage of the situation". Yeah - like I stay up at night thinking of ways to get some of those free OT services. I don't know how many people have made their fortunes on free OT services for their kids... (Insert eye roll here...)

If people don't believe your DS's situation is real or you are just asking for special treatment and your school district hasn't properly trained its staff in IDEA, FAPE and other special Ed law you are going to experience this sort of response when teachers or other staff are required to treat him differently. Sad but unfortunately true for too many 2E kids.

Not really but I did have one teacher imply that if my son wanted harder maths he would give him HARD maths. I knew he would set my kid up to fail because he was that kind of guy.

Not only is that teacher clearly malicious, he seems like a moron based on his incoherent writing.

I'm so sorry that your DS has been treated so appallingly. I hope you'll encourage his continued art study, because he has talent!

I felt the same way--that is was clear malice. For a visual: this teacher is about 50, he is LITERALLY 6'9" and has girth to match...while my son hasn't broken 5 feet yet, is small and wide-eyed, quite boyish.

I kept wanting to find a quote/meme, etc., to the effect that kids aren't abused when they are behaving well--which is true. I kept anticipating my complaints would be met with something along the lines of "your DS was misbehaving" and getting stuck on that point.

I haven't found a single person IRL who excused some of the things my son faced this year...and my friends/family all tend to be fair, level-headed, and objective. If anything, we are more apt to bend over backward to try to take the "other" perspective. But in the case of this teacher--I can't find it. All I see is an ugly, impatient, narcissistic creep who should have retired a long time ago.

I think my son is over it. Not so sure about myself...never dreamed I'd have to go into school situations prepared to fight.

I think I'm just shell-shocked, at this point. DS attended the same school for K-5 and while he did get in a bit of "trouble" here and there, the school was accepting and affirming and the "trouble" was fairly minor, and grades were good. He always felt pretty good about himself.

Yikes, yikes, yikes! I have been naively operating under the assumption that teachers want to help kids succeed!

Yep, some people are petty and mean.

I'll add that some people are so unnerved by difference of any kind that their only recourse is bullying. They may perceive themselves as "nice" and see the child as odd, deliberately nonconformist, or anything in Pemb's list-- which in their twisted minds may justify their cruelty.

What your DS will learn from this is to know cruelty when he sees it. I'm so sorry this has happened...

Interestingly, this teacher is quite "popular" with most students. DS is astute enough to recognize that. I think it's made it worse for him.

Yes: now he knows what cruelty looks like. I suppose that could be a lesson, as well.

There was another teacher who did something similar at the very last moment--but it wasn't as blatant, nor emotional (and I've documented it--504 violation).

At any rate, I feel like I have a whole lot more information to take to next meeting--whether that is 504 or IEP. And I found a list of IEP modifications/accommodations on our state's Special Education page, disproving the local lore one can't have both IEP and accommodations.

*My* desire is really to pull son from program. He says it is the "best thing that ever happened to him." (um, not sure how to feel about *that*) Since he's been accelerated, it would be difficult to put him back into regular curriculum...so I'm leaning toward giving it another go, but with a much more comprehensive understanding of how things work.

On a lighter (but not light) note: the "worrisome" teacher (known bully) I knew he'd have next year has opted for "early retirement" because she accidentally sent a nasty email about a 2E kid AND his parents...to the entire 7th grade PARENT LIST. Teachers union called in for termination talk; she gracefully bowed out.

This place could truly be a reality show...we do not live in the most progressive part of the USA...ahem.

And as a P.S., I figured out that the program is not a match for its selection process. Students in our district are selected for gifted purely based on GAI (although it's fairy high--I think 134). That works well in the elementary program, which is divergent, creative, non-graded. But the MS program only takes the "top 40" of all these GAI-only students...and then accelerates them in all core subjects...adding more HS classes each year, on an IB track.

(My son would not likely be in the top 40 FSIQ--30+ point discrepancy between GAI and PSI, last test).

Blah blah blah blah blah.

P.S. I have about decided that for my third master's degree :P I'm going to do Special Ed or Psych Examiner.

I have to say, though-- the silver lining here is that children who encounter an adult like this when they have both parental support, open communication with supportive people in their lives, and the maturity to evaluate the situation objectively--

can learn early and WELL to set things aside as "it's really not me, here-- it's you."

Being able to do that and to acknowledge that feeling without getting stuck emotionally is huge.

Yes. We have certainly heard the "unmotivated", "lazy" line and until we started to get to the bottom of things I'll admit I felt that way myself. Where did our clearly very bright kid, who taught himself to read at 3 and could do rings around the other kids in K go? Particularly when DS16 had trouble writing essays. Or took longer to complete regular assignments.

Yep, agree. That's why I departed from my usual (overprotective) party-line and told DS, "in some cases, these are misunderstandings from which we all learn...and in some, there are just people who suck." (I didn't say that exactly--mostly bc I can imagining his parroting that line.)