Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Gifted teens and suicide

Yes! This! And it continues, too..."best" law/med school, "best" specialty, "best" corporate firm/hospital,... until the body, mind, or both can't take the constant pressure (or the drudgery of doing something outwardly prestigious that they hate) and they snap. The brightest people are starving themselves of food, sleep, exercise, and human contact, then fail at being Perfect while operating 18+ hours/day in The Ideal Role and suddenly have a crisis of identity. Because, if they can't be superhuman, then clearly everything they thought they knew about themselves must be discarded.

And then this happens, and they feel like imposters in their own skin:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.ca/2013/05/depression-part-two.html?m=1

Not all schools LET you withdraw for a semester. Large top ranked states schools don't always allow one to withdraw without a medical reason. And once withdraw don't make it easy to get back in. And the paperwork & documentation to get a medical isn't necessary easy. They just have too many students that look good on paper to care much about those that don't keep up. Although I would expect that a private school like PENN would probably let a student withdraw for a semester.

A must-read. Thanks for sharing.

For some, the described numbing happens while gifted kids are left unaffirmed and underserved in elementary, middle, and high schools, prescribed to feel guilty or advantaged for the differences which cause their brains to be high-IQ. Some may say that parents who've advocated in futility and watched their children become numb may also succumb to the fog of meaninglessness. Not that the numbing or sense of meaninglessness necessarily remains for long, becomes all-encompassing, or leads to wishing one's self away. A change in learning environment may help. Encouraging kiddos to be self-determining, striking out on one's own path... a personally meaningful path... may, for some, bring a return to satisfaction, fulfillment, meaning, and joy.

When deciding between colleges -- it's so easy to get caught up in "where can I go for the least amount of money", especially when that amount is "basically free", but I think more kids and parents need to realize and agree that a smaller scholarship that's less stressful, or a cheaper college that's less prestigious but roughly as good educationally, or taking out student loans for a college that's a good fit...in the long run, is better than a full scholarship to an elite college requiring absolute PERFECTION with a side of stress, compromised mental health, and sleep deprivation.
I'm not saying you shouldn't look for scholarships, or that you should drown yourself in student loan debt. But you should make the choice that's right for you and compromise what you can afford with what's going to help you be a successful, healthy, happy person. In the end, a lesser-known college will still give you an education and student loan debts can be paid off, but unfortunately, cases like Madison's won't go away by themselves.
I know it's easier said than done. But we can't just accept that kids are going to be depressed, anxious, and suicidal. And if it means passing up that scholarship, so be it. And hopefully colleges will realize putting students in these situations -- where they have to choose between their health and a college scholarship, or a prestigious university -- isn't acceptable, even if it's unintentional.

Many of the elite colleges, including the Ivies, MIT, and Stanford, do not have merit scholarships. Once accepted, your expected financial contribution depends on family income.

Harvard & MIT also do not offer athletic scholarships, whereas Stanford offers athletic scholarships; I mention this detail because the OP's article told of the suicide of a student attending UPenn on an athletic scholarship. The guiding principle is the same: when choosing the best college experience, choose the most comfortable "fit", not the greatest prestige.

Yes, you are correct. A quick re-read confirms that talk of scholarships was introduced not by the OP's article but rather by other posts in the thread.

I'll bite. Most of my tertiary education (undergraduate through Ph.D.) was in two European countries.

A major difference is that European universities don't use GPAs. Two things matters most over there: your score on your final exams in fourth year, and, when applicable, the quality of your final-year project. The exams measure the knowledge you've acquired, and the project measures your ability to apply it.

A major consequence of this approach is that students don't stress out over grades for the entirety of their educations.

Many Americans argue that putting everything on one exam is too stressful, but IME/O, the stress is no greater than the stress American students face consistently the entire time they're in college. Looking back on it, it was far less stressful than the constant quizzes and exams here.

The European approach says, "We care about what you've learned by the end of the program." The American approach says, "Every mistake counts."

The European system is also more forgiving of failure. If you bomb say, your second-year exams, you repeat the year. The scores don't haunt you forever because again, all that truly counts is the exams at the end of fourth year. The fees are much lower there than they are here, so the financial consequences aren't so devastating. In addition, if you have a scholarship (generally because of low family income), you lose the scholarship during the repeated year and get it back again the next year, assuming you pass your exams (at least, that's how it worked where I was).

Some Americans may argue that this system encourages laziness and a poor work ethic, but it's well known that US college dropout rates are increasing and are ahead of most other OECD nations. For example, roughly 90% of UK students who enter university graduate. If the no-GPA system makes UK students lazy, why do so many get a degree?

You are supposed to go to the "best law school" that accepts you because that's how law world works.

Law world is massively overproducing lawyers with overpriced tuition.

Law school doesn't really have "fit", unless you are talking about similarly ranked schools.

See current employment stats for details.