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Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,489
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Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,489 |
Thank you so much. I am really having a difficult day...week...month...year. I really hoped this program would help him have a better educational experience. It is 40 students from around our city, selected from all the identified gifted kids.
He just told me I am going to be "getting a phone call" bc in science, they were cutting cardboard with Exacto knives and he "jokingly" held his up in a menacing gesture toward a classmate. I haven't received a call but what in the world do I say to that? A) I can't imagine a teacher allowing a bunch of unsupervised 12-year-olds to use Exacto knives but B) particularly my son who is impulsive and has identified behavioral issues (not like this, though, just usually talking too much, blurting out, and not turning in work). He said the administrator told him that "depending on how the phone call went," there may or may not be more disciplinary consequences. I don't even know what that means.
His program is a "choice program" and one of my friends who is a Special Ed processor told me that the process is different in this type of situation. IOW, he is not *entitled* to be in this program, so the regular rules don't apply.
There really isn't a great placement for him. I've considered putting him in our assigned school but his academic skills are advanced. It's the behaviors that are the issue. It's like he is an 8-year-old socially/emotionally but he talks like a (smart) 18-year-old and in adult company, he seems perfectly well-adjusted, if precocious.
Put him in a room with his age-mates (who are all highly gifted--so I don't doubt he really stands out) and he fails to assimilate. I can't believe how sad all of this makes me, and confused, and angry. All at once. As I said in my above post. Hugs. I have been there and I know how frustrating and discouraging it is. My son's 6th grade teacher (who had only taught gifted kids his whole career) told me to my face that my DS was the most disruptive kid he had ever encountered. Mostly DS was melting down and having anxiety attacks, not hurting other people or things. Same teacher told me at the end of year that my son really did belong in the class. Sigh  And don't get me started on the 8th grade science teacher who decided and threw a fit that one of DS's doodles was a satirical picture of her. He was so confused. What grades are the program he is in? I'm curious because the program my DS was in was 4-6th and his problems happened mid-year so things were going to change the following year anyway. Then when he got to 7th grade they didn't enroll him in the 'gifted' humanities class. That only took one meeting to resolve as in my district once tested as GATE the school is required keep them in the 'gifted' classes through 8th grade. (H.S. is another whole issue I won't get into here.) I recommend you look at what the district policy is on gifted education. You aren't alone in realizing there isn't really a good place for you son. I've been so frustrated for years trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. My son's H.S. English class is case in point. DS can't be in the honor/AP English classes my H.S. offers, he just can't for a number of reasons I won't go into here. But the 'regular' class bores him to tears. He reads circles around the other students and gets so frustrated with class discussions that are so superficial after years in honors programs.
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,181
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,181 |
I think that most of the parents who post here can identify well with that feeling of having "no place in the world" that is a good one for our kids. It's a sad thing to realize that, as a parent.
Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,035
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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,035 |
unsupervised with knives,no but at 10 to 12 we did woodwork and cooking with one teacher to 30 kids. Maybe in future the teacher should put your son at her desk for such activities so he can't get into silly activities with his friends (it was probably the result of multi child sillyness).
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 267
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 267 |
Welcome Eco! You will definitely find lots of people here with similar stories, and some great advice as well. DS9 is 2e, but we homeschool now, so I'm not dealing with his IEP at the moment. But we've had to drop out of other activities because the adults involved had no clue how to help him succeed, and were mostly unwilling to take my advice. We still haven't figured out exactly what that second "e" is, either; it's a work in progress.
If you have the energy, I would definitely fight the school for a comprehensive evaluation. But do keep in mind that they probably don't see a lot of kids like yours, so their evaluation might not tease out certain problems, or they may reach conclusions that someone more expert in 2e issues would not.
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Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 647
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Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 647 |
OT called me today and said his visual something and fine motor skills are above average, but she gave some sort of assessment and identified some "sensory" things. She didn't elaborate but said she'd email her report. Then she didn't. Which pretty much encapsulates how communication has been all year with every layer involved.
I said the teachers haven't followed 504 plan consistently this year, and the biggest complaint I have is that they do not respond to my weekly, check-in email, asking about his performance and behavior. One does (but her tone is not descriptive--I'd describe it as contemptuous, but I tend toward hysteria). The others don't for a long while, until they do--and then it's never any good news, after weeks of my assuming no news is good news. I've tried explaining I'm trying to get a picture to share with his prescribing doctor and counselor, but that has been entirely ineffective.
I took DS to a counselor today who is going to do EMDR therapy with him, long-term, to try to strengthen executive function and self-awareness. When we left, DS was so relaxed and happy, he skipped to the parking lot and proceeded to do a bunch of push-ups. He was very smiley and warm during the session and that was heartwarming. All I've seen lately has been a very drawn, defended, and miserable child.
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 2,157
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 2,157 |
I assume EFD is executive function disorder/dysfunction. DD9 has similar issues and we are in the process of a neuropsych/educational eval. I will update on what I find out in case it helps. He said that it's important the school doesn't think it's "just" ADHD because there is so much more to it. He did standardized testing specific to executive functioning issues. Other than the Rey Complex Figure Drawing (which she messed up) I'm not sure what he did. Here's a kid with a matrix reasoning score that hit the ceiling and she had no idea how to draw this design. She did it in haphazard pieces (you can google this), but then was able to duplicate the hapharzard pieces perfectly from memory 30 min. later, which probably indicates the other "e".
Also if you are seeing motor impairments/clumsiness you should ask about Developmental Coordination Disorder. Look up the Wikipedia page on this. This is what my other 2e kid has and he qualified for a "physically impaired" IEP.
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,076 Likes: 6
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,076 Likes: 6 |
Met with neuropsychologist today. Some of her questions were not what I was expecting and came away feeling pretty overwhelmed (onaccounta--he evidently really does have some pretty significant indicators). She sent home parent rating scales for:
ABAS II
BASC-2
BRIEF These would be for symptoms of ASD, EFD/ADHD, and any other emotional indicators. Good to hear your 504 liaison is supportive. I would view this person as a resource for possible sped eligibility. OT services are not stand-alone, so the referral for OT eval signals some openness to moving to the next level. I would echo blackcat's suggestion to consider DCD and the physically-impaired classification. But it sounds like you have a sympathetic neuropsych involved, so she should be looking for that and many other possibilities, anyway.
...pronounced like the long vowel and first letter of the alphabet...
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Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 647
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Joined: Apr 2015
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I assume EFD is executive function disorder/dysfunction. DD9 has similar issues and we are in the process of a neuropsych/educational eval. I will update on what I find out in case it helps. He said that it's important the school doesn't think it's "just" ADHD because there is so much more to it. Thank you! I will be really interested to hear about the results. With my son, the ADHD thing has never really fit because he is neither hyperactive nor daydreamy. Stimulant med has helped, but not with the big picture, only with impulsivity. And his medication makes him miserable, but what can I do? I have suggested homeschool to him (he never takes meds at home) but he is firmly opposed, loves his friends. The thing he does NOT seem able to do is self-initiate when not interested in the subject, sustain attention under same conditions, switch gears, multitask, etc. He is also pretty terrible at anything related to self care. Sounds like EF stuff to me? He is deeply reflective and intelligent and highly creative. He is wonderful at music. He is hilarious. He doesn't seem to have motor delays (except maybe in terms of motor planning?), is reasonably athletic, good eye hand coordination (thank you, LEGO), likes to draw, write stories, etc. Affectionate and loving with us at home. He can also be a giant pain, defiant, angry, prone to withdraw, and has no real desire to be helpful or "play the game" socially in most situations. He does not have much patience or respect for anyone or anything he feels is unpredictable or illogical. Except for his mama, thank goodness.
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 2,157
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Also look up "Sluggish Cognitive Tempo" on Wikipedia. Neuropsych didn't come out and use this term, but what he was saying to me seems to match up.
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,498
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With my son, the ADHD thing has never really fit because he is neither hyperactive nor daydreamy. Stimulant med has helped, but not with the big picture, only with impulsivity. And his medication makes him miserable, but what can I do? There are many classes of meds-- if one is unpleasant, other solutions are likely available. Do you have an expert prescriber on your team who is very well versed in the details? We use a developmental pediatrician. I do not recommend letting a regular pediatrician manage this on an ongoing basis. People do not have to be hyper OR dreamy to have ADHD, by the way. The inattentive type can be quite subtle but have profound effects on the person's EF skills. The thing he does NOT seem able to do is self-initiate when not interested in the subject, sustain attention under same conditions, switch gears, multitask, etc. He is also pretty terrible at anything related to self care. Sounds like EF stuff to me? People with ASD and/or ADHD often have these problems. They do improve if you work on them, but sometimes improve best with the right meds AND working on them at the same time. He can also be a giant pain, defiant, angry, prone to withdraw, and has no real desire to be helpful or "play the game" socially in most situations. He does not have much patience or respect for anyone or anything he feels is unpredictable or illogical. Oh, yes, this is tricky to manage, isn't it. Could very well be Asperger's (now just called "autism"-- but the Asperger label is still descriptively helpful). Or an edgy person with EF issues. Only the neuropsych will be able to tell you...
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