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    Joined: Jul 2010
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    Originally Posted by JonLaw
    Originally Posted by Tallulah
    Here's the difference: normal kids do a lot of stuff they don't want to do or find difficult at school. They're asked to strive and figure things out, to progress and learn new things, then they go home and are asked to do a bit of physical activity, help around the house with boring tasks. Hothoused kids do this and then go on to a cram school to do more hard academic stuff because more is better. Our kids go to a normal school and sit around doing essentially nothing, so why is it automatically the same as the hothoused kids if we decide it's good for them to get a fraction of the same experience as a normal child gets? Why do our kids get thrown under the bus? Very few of our children get anywhere close to appropriate schooling during school time and have to get it afterschool, so why is it OK for most kids to do appropriate work, but not OK for ours?

    Well, because you already lose the entire 8 hours at school.

    So, in order to get appropriate childhood experience, you need more hours in the day in order to replace these lost 8 hours of boredom and mindless sitting.

    Since you don't have more hours in the day, you have to remove necessary childhood experiences in order to provide other necessary childhood experiences.

    People see the other necessary childhood experiences being removed and they get upset because you *are* removing necessary childhood experiences that normally happen outside of school hours.

    Which is why the second guessing. (it's the ciiiiiircle of liiiiife)

    If you thought there was no value in those non-assessed childhood experiences, you'd be totally unconflicted and you'd be a hothouser.

    And kinda OT, but isn't interesting how much easier and clearer the conversation was when we were using the term with strong racial/cultural connotations. Maybe it's easier to condemn or "other" people if you use tiger mom, but people have to examine themselves more carefully when using the term hothousing? And by the way, I'm very appreciative of people for switching so easily and agreeably. Every little bit makes a difference, right?

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    Of course-- and Tallulah, it's my experience that the behavior is mostly dominated (locally) by not the parents who are first-generation immigrants (though we know a few of them who do), but that it is disproportionately parents who would be considered-- white, advantaged, upper SES, etc. etc. who are doing this sort of thing.


    I tend to recognize them by their sheer avidness when they discover that DD is so radically accelerated. I often use that as a filter, in fact-- anyone that gets that over-zealous gleam in their eye and is more interested in ME than in HER at that point... well, in pumping me for the recipe for the secret sauce, I mean-- I tend to know.

    They aren't the least bit conflicted about it, as you note. They just see it as The Way to WIN.


    Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
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    Originally Posted by Tallulah
    but isn't interesting how much easier and clearer the conversation was when we were using the term with strong racial/cultural connotations. Maybe it's easier to condemn or "other" people if you use tiger mom, but people have to examine themselves more carefully when using the term hothousing? And by the way, I'm very appreciative of people for switching so easily and agreeably. Every little bit makes a difference, right?
    The term "tiger mom" was unambiguously defined by Amy Chua's book, and became well-known through controversy and mass media.

    Meanwhile "hothousing" has ranged in definition, sometimes aligning with references to the aggressive, competitive tiger-parenting methods of raising "trophy kids", other times used as a reference to finding/reproducing/maintaining an environment conducive for a child to thrive (thinking of Orchid Children, Eide blog post), and therefore hot-house can be somewhat ambiguous and highly subject to one's knowledge base.

    For this thread "hot housing" was paired with micro-managing, over-involved, omni-present "helicopter parent" in the subject line, lending clarity.

    But the term "tiger parenting", like the phrases "is it a cheetah", and "the tortoise and the hare" refer to observable behavioral clues, embodied by the animals they mention.

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    Quote
    I tend to recognize them by their sheer avidness when they discover that DD is so radically accelerated. I often use that as a filter, in fact-- anyone that gets that over-zealous gleam in their eye and is more interested in ME than in HER at that point... well, in pumping me for the recipe for the secret sauce, I mean-- I tend to know.
    On the other hand, many parents agonize for the negative impacts they describe witnessing in regard to their HG+ children, when schools provide no intellectual peers or challenge worthy of the child's potential, year after year... and/or place a limit on acceleration. Parents may imagine it would be lovely to receive advice or even mentorship in guiding their own HG+ child's educational journey, from someone who's BTDT and is openly discussing that fact.

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