Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion What is giftedness?

Actually-- I am. Because THAT was my kid.

She peppered me with her talking, all right-- but most people who saw us in public would have had no idea when she was that age. I just looked haggard and lonely, if anything. So yes, the example that I chose is just that. ONE example

I also pointed out earlier in the thread that when you've seen one gifted child, you've seen one gifted child.

Still, the entire package of being "other" takes a particular and peculiar toll on parents. That is the real "tell" for me personally. DD and I are aces at finding and warmly interacting with (often wary) parents and their 2e kids. Seriously. It makes us both very happy to share something kind of normal which is-- ultimately-- a rare slice of normal for both us and them, because we're non-normative. While we may become accustomed to non-normative, and accept it, or even prefer solitary living if we are introverts, there is also a powerful undercurrent of sadness in not being able to share in common social experiences as freely as others.

Howler, the toll of finding appropriate educational settings for a smart child is entirely different to the toll an incredibly energetic child takes on a parent. I don't have to spend 14 hours a day fielding questions, and apparently neither do you. It is unfair of us to claim that experience, just like its unfair of people who just need a small adjustment for their kid to be acccomodated to claim it's anything like what some of us have to do for our kids (and, again, you and I get it relatively easy because our kids aren't 2E).

1) There may be considerable overlap between gifted and energetic; A child may be both.
2) The toll of finding an appropriate educational setting may be a subset of the toll of supporting the positive growth and development of a gifted child. ( Gifted All The Time, Dan Peters, Summit Center )
3) HK has taught her child at home, utilizing an online public school, in order to facilitate her child's learning style and pace. A pace which may be 3 years accelerated (college at 15, average age of matriculation is 18)?
4) HK has experience in these matters, including fielding an exhausting level of inquisitive questions from an infinitely curious child; Experiences which HK has generously shared over the years, for any who may benefit.
5) On numerous occasions, HK has shared that her child is 2e.

HK, please let me know if you feel I overstepped in summarizing what I recalled, or if I summarized incorrectly.

ah just deleted my very long post... will try again later. Long story short - I interact with several gifted kids, my DD has the highest IQ by quite a way, honestly you wouldn't know it most of the time. I think that conversations limiting giftedness are dangerous territory for people with such a huge emotional investment. I think it's easy to reject inclusiveness when your child makes an arbitrary grade instead of being the kid that is only in the top 3 or 5% who still have needs.

What is the purpose of your group, is it to socialise, advocate, commiserate? If so then the more the merrier surely? If however it is to provide stimulation for the top few percent then yes I guess you can be more exclusive. Some would argue that the top 2% are not highly gifted and that you would need a separate group for the top .1%.

I do think that it is odd to label a kid a specific LOG without evidence of some kind. I don't think that is limited to IQ tests though.

FWIW - I find it very difficult to keep my mouth shut about DD, one because I am an open book, people would think it weird if I didn't talk about her much. Second ( and I know this may change at some point) I don't think I should feel embarrassed to talk about her. She hasn't done anything wrong, I don't walk into a room and say wow look what we did today either....

Yes, my daughter is 2e. She is (with some coaching) currently trying to navigate accommodations with her university, in fact, and has definitely had something of a rough fall as a result of that second e.

On the other hand, while I can empathize with many of the people that I know (here and IRL) with a second exceptionality which directly impacts learning or demonstrating academic progress, I can't really know what that experience is like, because it has not been mine as a parent.

What constitutes "tail of the distribution" is a moving target. It depends largely upon local norms and one's support system IRL, in my experience.

Among a cohort of academic parents and others with terminal degrees, DD still stands out in a big way. On the other hand, only if one is paying attention-- because she is (as I've noted elsewhere and at length) also profoundly good at making others feel at ease. Always. She is the ultimate chameleon-- so while I say that when out in public, by the time she was 2 or 3, few people would have really SEEN her for what she is-- that is, she would have been remarkable only for her quiet observation of everything around her and her super-human compliance with whatever behavioral standards seemed appropriate for the venue. She was quite a different child at home, I assure you. Talk-talk-talk-talk-talk-talk-talk. I can still hear her little voice reminding me of something that she'd observed earlier in the week, and asking me earnest questions, thinking, and questioning, and then making some observation that was MIND-blowing coming from an elementary school aged child, never mind a toddler. I quit trying to share any of it-- even with family. They didn't see her doing it, and frankly thought I was lying.

This is where that "other-ness" is a problem for us as people and as parents.

It's the "other-ness" in parenting that leads to things like Welcome to Holland, which resonates so strongly with the parents of disabled children. There is a glass wall between us and "normal" and we're the only ones who seem to be aware that it exists.

The more unusual one's experiences, the more isolated and alien it can feel to be "social" around the experiences which so many other parents share. Shared experiences form a social fabric and a social currency, and yes-- this is a passion of mine, and something that I've thought a lot about over the years-- because there are a few fundamental activities that, if impacted by disability, pretty much alienate you from ALL social activities. Communication disorders (or those which profoundly impact communication) certainly do. Disorders which impact food do, as well. Name one "normal" social activity that doesn't involve both of those things. This changes everything for my family.

There's that "other-ness" at work. Those things are simply not the same for families that work around those things, and they CANNOT be shared experiences with others without accommodations for the difference/disability being in the center of the planning.

I think that in some ways, cognitive asynchronous development is like that. People are fine with "bright" children-- up to a point. When it becomes so different that you require flexibility/accommodation from those around you, it becomes alienating.

Yep.

Oddly, I haven't found the other-ness to be exceptionally wearying. Perhaps it's because I've always been a member of one minority or another (the type varying by the setting), and I grew up in a community enriched for this particular kind of other-ness. Maybe I'm used to it; the comments from other parents, need for relentless (but sweet!) advocacy (until we switched to homeschooling), balancing act wrt how much one says about one's children, etc. are all just par for the course.

Granted, I don't believe my kids are PG, which certainly figures into our experience. That the oldest is charmingly respectful yet confident with adults probably helps to take the edge off of the freakishness factor.

And I do have a good built-in support system, with sibs, which I agree makes a huge difference. Our children kind of function as their own norm group, too, when it comes to expectations.

In my case, it's definitely often been the 2Eness rather than the giftedness alone...

Yes. You can tell people about what it is like to always have one leg in the hospital, to speak about brain surgery as routine, to take trips to the ER as all in the days work, to plan your days (and sometimes, nights) around a medical procedure that needs to be done every four hours. Only those who have been there can really understand.

On the other hand, you CAN talk about it, and you do get sympathy, and help, almost all of the time, even if there is no real understanding.

I cannot talk about the struggles with my HG+ child except for the very very few parents who have been there.

The other day, we were at an event in aid of the children's hospital, organized by a HG+ kid who had been a preemie at that hospitals NICU, which we had been invited to through the local gifted group. DH was hailed by a man who he needs to deal with in his professional capacity through his volunteer work, and who asked how come he was there. And DH started babbling about our oldest being a preemie, too.

It's a different kind of different,

We were in a similar situation. We went with a gifted private school at 4 (figuring if it didn't work we could always try public K 2 years later). When you put a gifted kid in with other gifted kids the dynamic is really interesting. They seem to really "get" one another in a way that does not happen with NT kids the same age. My kid does not appear outwardly gifted either (acting is one of his gifts I think). We did not want our guy getting into bad habits and coasting through school. So far things are working out pretty well.