Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion You know you're parenting a gifted child when...

Your 8yr old wants for Christmas : a katniss costume, having started and nearly finished the Hunger Games series in the last 2.5 weeks.... AND "teddy needs a backpack, to wear and keep his things in".

WOW. That was AWESOME. Is he reading AP Biology books? LOL.

Haha, thanks Peter. That's just what happens when I follow DS down the rabbit hole. He's got an app that shows the function of different systems of the body that DH found free one day on promotion. When we were looking at the circulatory system, we were able to zoom in as far as the cellular level, and talked about different blood cells' functions. He really likes to probe for as much information as I can give. The cute part was seeing him "play" white blood cells after with his trucks, where the road he made was a series of blood vessels.

You know that you're dealing with a gifted child when you explain that "hands come in pairs. Hund's not so much," in an effort to provide a method to remember the definition of Hund's rule, and this results in mad giggling rather than groans.

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DS3 had his first appointment with an ophthalmologist yesterday. He has some sensory issues, two of which are photo sensitivity and a dislike of being handled by strangers (not unreasonable, if you ask me.) The ophthalmologist was a genuinely nice man, and his bedside manner likely would have been appropriate for a typical 3 year old. As you'll see below, he was unprepared for DS.

DS (upon meeting the ophthalmologist, extends hand for a shake): So you're the ophthalmologist, are you?

Doc attempts to begin examining DS without any discussion of the procedure or requesting permission to touch DS, against my advice. DS does best when consulted as a partner in the process. His pediatrician has learned to talk about her research with him, to good effect. The learning curve for this one was not so steep.

DS: You're shining a light in my eyes. Stop that please.

Doc (pulling out some Sesame Stree figurines in an attempt to elicit compliance and speaking in motherese): Ooooh, do you know who these guys aaaaare?

DS: I assume they're TV characters. We don't watch much TV.

Doc attempts to shine light again.

DS: (Covers eyes, becoming indignant) You're shining the light in my eyes again. Would you stop it please. I want to get down. I don't like this.

At this point, I stand between Doc and DS and chat calmly with DS about the procedure, explaining next steps. After a moment, DS is calm enough to do more light-free tests.

Doc attempts to pre-emptively buy DS' compliance to the light with stickers: Would you like a nice sticker of a robot?

DS: No, I would not.

Doc offers a few more.

DS: No thank you. I am not interested in your stickers.

Doc shows DS a sticker of a pteranodon: Would you like a dinosaur sticker? What noise does a dinosaur make?

DS: That is a pterosaur. No thank you.

Doc shines light under his fingertip to show the blood illuminated and whispers: Wooow! Look at the light.

DS (clearly unimpressed): Yes, you are seeing your red blood cells.

Doc pulls out a lens for DS: Look at my little window!

DS begins to place his fingers near his eyes and wiggle them. I know what is coming on DS' end...

Doc: Oh! That's a good idea! Let's play peek-a-boo with my window.

DS (clearly concerned that the doctor genuinely enjoys peek-a-boo for his own entertainment): I am a gargoyle, and I am trying to intimidate you.

At this point, I just go get a book to read to DS to keep his mind occupied while the visit concludes and don't allow the doctor to shine any more lights.

At the end of the visit, the doc inquired whether we had any behavioural diagnoses for DS, to which I replied, "No, he is a smart little boy who expects respect and consideration from medical professionals. That is a reasonable expectation. He was politely voicing his disagreement. That is something I not only accept, but encourage."

I think the doc was surprised that children need to be treated differently from potted plants, and that a parent might expect something other than blind obedience from a child.

Ugh- can I just say that the pediatric ophthalmologist was the worst experience *ever* for my DS? Very similar, and the man could not adjust his approach. You could tell it never entered his mind to actually explain anything, he was visibly irritated when DS asked questions and we also had the babyish tv characters waved all over, etc. Unfortunately, we had to tolerate him for several years- kids were overjoyed when they were allowed to graduate to an adult ophthalmologist.

Quite a difference from the dentist, I must add- DS loves that place, and always emerges with a pile of disposable stuff, newly acquired knowledge about all the gadgetry and a gleam in his eye- the people there are remarkably patient and understanding.

Oh, yes-- DD loves our allergist, and he won her over by permitting her to handle his stethoscope and otoscope when she was just 2, and by taking her questions seriously.

On the other hand, she really DID love stickers, so that was pretty much the only highlight of a visit to our primary care physician for many years. (We eventually ditched him when DD11 refused to entertain the notion of EVER seeing him again; she now sees his nurse practitioner, who also treats her as the intelligent and sensitive young lady that she is.)

I'm actually thinking I'll request that our pediatrician not refer us to pediatric specialists, where possible, as I have found they usually have a saccharine, condescending way of speaking to children that sends DS running for the hills. Far better to just see a specialist who covers the same condition in adults who is nonplussed about actually seeking patient consent. I could see DS lose all respect for the ophthalmologist, and it's really not healthy for a 3 year old to doubt the qualification of his health care providers.

We had a visit with a pediatric dentist when DS was 2 who claimed to have a good understanding of the needs of SPD children, but who went on to shine lights, talk loudly, and touch DS without asking or explaining. This after being told at length that DS' strongest sensory defensiveness is oral. I was impressed that DS didn't deck him at the time. I ended the visit after 3 minutes. Suffice it to say, we have a good friend who lives of of town and works as a dental hygienist. We will be making the 2 hour pilgrimage to her office because she gets DS and is willing to take the time needed to make the appointment mutually satisfactory. That, to me, is worth the extra effort.

I'm willing to be assertive and disliked if medical care for my son doesn't meet my standards. I have no problem wearing the project manager/taskmaster hat with medical professionals. I am a taxpayer--or a paying customer, in the case of dental visits. They work for me and I set the preconditions for their work.

Thanks MON! I need to be DS' advocate if he isn't receiving the care he deserves. I like to think I have a 3-minute statute of limitations on BS, after which I launch an intervention, though some days my hair tigger is pretty sensitive...