Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school PreK Bullying

My DS is being bullied by one particular kid in class. He goes 3 days a week, for 3 hours. The incidents happen every school day. Pushing, hitting, taking toys, yelling and screaming, and getting very close to DS's face. Teacher thought he had social skills issues, but he was too afraid and overwhelmed to join in during play time while this boy was around. My son was afraid to tell me, he thought I would get mad at him. I have talked to the teacher and she said she would keep an eye out, but things are still happening.

At what point do you tell your child to fight back? If the teachers won't intervene, what should I do next?

Why won't the teacher do anything? For this kind of behavior at our pre-k a teacher was assigned to shadow the problem child and redirect/intervene etc. every time something happened. Problem kids have also been counseled out.

If the teacher is aware and the situation is not improving switching programs may be the only option (e.g. vote with your dollars and feet).

You may also wish to document each incident. Work with your child to get a clear idea of background setting or circumstances, and also who said (or did) what. Document in brief bullet points, keeping each action in chronological order.

Bullying has been discussed on several threads. Here is one post.

You may wish to tell your child to say in a loud, firm voice, "STOP. Don't push/hit/take that from me" each time the child pushes/hits/takes things from him. Benefits may include:
1) Your child appropriately stands up for himself.
2) Bully receives direct instruction to stop.
3) Teacher may become aware of incidents, if not already aware.
4) Other children may become aware of incidents, if not already aware, thereby reducing bully's influence.

This sets off major alarm bells. In your previous thread
http://giftedissues.davidsongifted....r/203087/gonew/1/PreK_Social_Issues.html you said "His teacher had questions about social problems." Now that this bullying has come to light, which the teacher must surely have noticed, it is clear the teacher has been blaming the victim. I'd say this pre-K environment is toxic and you need to get out immediately.

Agree with 22B! The teacher doesn't solve the problem and blame on your son, better to change to another preschool.

Agree, with the biggest concern being that the teacher was oblivious to this happening in a three year old class in the first place. I wouldn't even call this bullying yet, at this age, just a child with a lack of social skills acting out, but this is the job of a preschool teacher to be aware of and intervene. Well, and stereotyping your son isn't much better I guess. Find another school.

I would give serious thought to leaving the school or at least asking for separation from the other child and perhaps the teacher.

But my first order of business would be to book a meeting with the headmaster / director (whatever the name) and explain the situation. Do this as soon as possible. The teacher is not doing her job adequately by a long shot! She is failing to protect your son, completely misleading you about your child's development, and not teaching the boy who is hitting appropriate behaviour.

As a side note, I am reminded when my first DS was almost 3... I got a call from his Montessori pre-school saying another child (nearly 4) had bit him. At pickup I learned the other child was sent home for the day as a result. They wanted to impress upon him this kind of behaviour (behaviour he knew was unacceptable) would not be tolerated.

I took dd out of pre k recently for the same reason. We had issues relating to gt anyway but the bullying was the final straw. All I wanted was the teacher to acknowledge a problem and shadow / work with the agressive kid. Instead she victim blamed my dd. in the end I cut short our meeting told dd to get her bag and walk out never to return.

I know our kids need to learn to stand up for them selves and that we can't fight all their battles etc, but at such a young age I wanted my dd to get the message loud and clear - she will never be subjected to violence if hostility without having someone to defend her.

Hoagies has this list here of schools:
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/schools.htm

Some of the schools do have pre-k gifted program.

Alternately maybe a search for a NAEYC accredited pre-k program might be helpful.

A gifted 4 year old may not have that much in common with other 4 year olds (so maybe just going to a local park might be more useful and cheaper than pre-k since running around like crazy is one activity kids can do together).

Although some might say that acting out would tend to occur in interactions with various children, therefore form a pattern which in general may be noticed by the teacher. From the OP, it appears the perp's actions may be directed at one child, who may be targeted for the aggression. Additionally the perp may choose his timing so that his aggressions remain covert, characteristic of deceit/manipulation.